Nowhere But Here (Thunder Road #1)(102)

A few hours ago, I told Emily that we needed to play our cards right to make this work. I could lie to her now to save my relationship with the club and Eli. I could act as if she doesn’t matter to me, but I won’t hurt Emily. “Yes.”

She glances at me from over her shoulder and the pure pain there strikes me hard and fast. “Let me get you inside,” I say so only she can hear.

“Emily,” Eli tries again, but she raises her hand in the air.

“Just don’t.” I don’t like how her body sways from one side to the next. “I want to go home, Oz.”

“All right,” I say softly, “I’ll get you home.”

Like I did the first night Emily arrived, I bend my knees and swing her up into my arms. And also like that night, Emily grabs on to me and rests her head in the crook of my neck.

Eli slides in front of me, anger marring his expression. It’s vicious and full of death. For seven years, I’ve worshipped the ground he’s walked on. Never giving a shit one way or another that he served time. But Emily was right. I should be concerned about integrity issues. I’ve betrayed him, but by hurting Emily, he’s betrayed me.

“Let me get her down,” I say. “And then you can deal with me.”

The circle of men part. None of them will meet my eyes and I refuse to look anywhere other than straight ahead. Once I reach the porch, Violet opens the door then follows me in.

“Please don’t tell Eli that I told her,” she begs.

I say nothing as I enter Emily’s room. Emily releases me when I lay her on the bed, but snags my hand as I start to straighten. “I messed everything up, didn’t I?”

“No. It was messed up before we had a chance to do the damage ourselves.” I remember Mom warning me off of Emily the night she arrived. The night I dragged Emily into that crevice at the motel and damned her to our world.

Mom said Emily was surrounded by land mines and Mom was scared of me becoming collateral damage. She said it like I had a choice in becoming involved, but I didn’t. This fire was set eighteen years ago when Meg and Eli fell in love and had a baby. They tore each other apart then made decisions that continue to have a domino effect. Now Emily and I are left to battle the flames.

Emily sits up and backs into the corner of the wall with her knees drawn to her chest. There’s a dip on the bed. Lars pads over then collapses at her side. Emily stares emptily into the room and lifts a hand on top of the dog’s head. His droopy eyes flicker from Emily to me then he lets out a loud sigh.

I scratch behind his ear. “Stay with her, boy.”

He whines and Emily slowly pets him. “Do you have to go?”

“Party’s over and I have some explaining to do.”

“I’ve cost you what you want. There’re going to kick you out, aren’t they?”

I punched a brother and from the show I put on with Emily, it’s obvious she and I have been intimate. Yeah, I would say that the cut I’m wearing on my back will be gone by sunrise.

I put my fingers under Emily’s chin, tilting her head up. “I love you.”

Emily’s dark eyes widen and if this moment wasn’t so dire, I’d laugh at her expression. I swipe a finger across her smooth cheek. “I’ve never said that to anyone and I don’t plan on it being the last time, either. I love you, Emily, and I’m telling you we’ll work this out.”

She goes to respond and I place a finger over her lips. “We’ll work this out.”

We study each other. She wants to say it back, I long to hear her utter the words, but not like this. Not tonight. We both deserve better than that.

“I’m going home tomorrow night,” she admits.

I sit on the bed and press my forehead to hers. “I know.”

“I didn’t mean to cost you this.” She barely touches the leather of my cut.

“Hey.” I force a smile. “I like kids, remember? And as you pointed out, if I work with them I don’t have to carry a gun.”

A tiny spark of amusement shows in her eyes, but it doesn’t quite diminish the sadness. “You really are good with kids. You joke, but you could do something excellent with them.”

A wall inside me adjusts and it’s physically painful. There’s no choice but to think of a different future now. A future without the club. “I’ll deal with that later. Right now, I’m worried about you.”

“I don’t know who I am anymore.” She scratches her arm and I frown at the red welt forming on her skin. “Life used to be simple and now it’s confusing and complex.”

I settle a hand over hers, preventing her from making the hive bigger. “You’re Emily. The girl who stormed into my world and changed it forever.”

“In a bad way.”

“In a great way.”

“I don’t know how to wrap my head around all this,” she says.

I don’t, either.

“Promise we’ll be okay,” she says.

“I promise.”

The front screen door squeaks open and our time is slipping away. I lower my head as Emily tilts hers up. A movement of lips. A bittersweet taste. A simplicity that has morphed into something increasingly complicated. Her fingers entwine in my hair, yanking slightly, holding on with the understanding that we’re on the verge of letting go.