Never Been Ready (Ready #2)(72)

I could just barely make it out. It was one I hadn't seen in a long time. It must have just been added to the wall. It was an old photograph of Logan and me from grade school. We had our arms around each other's shoulders in a boyish embrace, and we gave goofy smiles while looking at the camera.

"It does kinda. Who's the other boy?" Connor asked.

"I think that's my Daddy, Logan."

I heard Clare call for Maddie from the kitchen. Maddie had left a mess in the living room, and she was being told to clean it up. Maddie took off in a run, leaving Connor in the hallway. He stood frozen, staring at the photo of Logan and me.

"You know, we hated each other back then," I said, walking up next to him.

"That's you?"

"Yep. Logan and I go way back. We grew up together. Our fathers were close friends, and they figured their boys should be, too. Problem was, I hated Logan. He was annoying and pretentious."

"What does pretentious mean?"

"Stuck up."

"Oh, like Tyler at school. He says his dad is rich, and his room is filled with Iron Man toys."

"Yeah, exactly. Annoying, right?"

He nodded, slipping his hands into the pockets of his khakis shorts.

I continued, "So, we were forced to spend a lot of time together. We'd play nice whenever our fathers were around, which is how we ended up with pictures like this." I pointed to the frame on the wall, "But when their backs were turned, we'd be on each other in a second. Fists would fly, and we'd go home bruised and battered, both lying that we fell down or got a bit rough while wrestling."

Connor stared quietly at the picture a few moments longer, and then he looked back at me. I could see his wheels turning. Maddie was right. The Declan in that picture was a spitting image of the boy standing next to me. It would be hard to miss, and my son wasn't stupid. He'd already begun to ask questions here and there. He'd asked one day after a walk in the park if I knew who his Dad was. Another time while we were out for ice cream, he asked about his mom's friends, trying to find the missing link. I couldn't lie to him, so I'd always changed the subject. I would not tell him any more lies.

"You know last month, when it was my birthday and Sarah and Leah got me that cake that looked like a stack of pancakes?"

"Mmhmm, that was awesome."

Sarah and Leah had gone to a fancy bakery in Williamsburg and had it custom made. It was a new twist on an old tradition. Heather had made him pancakes on his birthday. We had made him a pancake birthday cake. It was a perfect melding of the old and new. It had been Leah's idea, and when she'd told me, I had fallen in love with her all over again. She never ceased to amaze me.

"And remember how I blew out the candle and made a wish?" he asked.

"Yeah?"

"Do you know what I wished for?"

"For your mom to come back?"

"No," he answered, "I know that's not going to happen."

I was a little sad, but I was also proud of him for saying this. I was sad because he had to realize this at a young age, but I was so proud that he was finally able to come to terms with his mom's death.

"Well then, what did you wish for, Little Man?" I asked, looking down at his eyes that perfectly matched mine.

"I wished for my dad."

Words failed me. I forgot how to breathe.

He looked at that photo on the wall and then back at me. His eyes were so full of hope. "Declan, are you my dad?"

I just nodded and knelt down to catch him as he jumped into my arms. I held him tight, and tears stung my eyes as I finally was able to hold him as his father.

"I knew it. I knew you were my dad," he just kept saying over and over.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I didn't know," I answered back.

We clung to each other in the empty hallway, crying until there were no tears left. We held each other for as long as we could as if making up for every hug we'd missed over the last eight years of his life —every milestone, birthday wish, and accomplishment I'd never get back because I hadn't been there.

But never again.

I never wanted him to wonder where his father was or ask why his dad didn't care enough to there for him. Saying good-bye to him after our visits was becoming more and more difficult, and I wasn't sure how much longer I could stand being a visitor in his life. Now that he knew who I was, I didn't want to say good-bye. I shouldn't have to. He was mine to protect, and it was time I started doing that full-time.

I looked up then to see Leah standing in the hall. Her stunned tear-stained eyes were watching over us as she witnessed our emotional introduction. She stayed back, allowing us a moment as father and son. She gave me a loving smile and mouthed the words, I love you.

While holding my son finally, I realized I needed to step up and become the father he needed of me. It made me feel driven, but it also scared the living shit out of me. Clutching him as I gazed into the eyes of the woman I loved, I wondered if my decision would be the one thing that could tear us apart.

Chapter Twenty-Five

~Leah~

"Now, tell me the reason we just watched that movie?" Declan asked as he rose from the couch to carry our empty mugs and soda cans into the kitchen.

He might have made fun of me for eating ice cream out of a coffee mug, but ever since he'd moved in, it was the only way he would eat it. I'd successfully converted him.