Nets and Lies(50)

“Sometimes the shit we go through does have a purpose. If we’re truly honest with ourselves, we can use that purpose to change our life for the better, not the worse.” He arched his eyebrows at me. “We’ve established the old you is dead. What’s a way you can change your life?”

“The affair? But how can I possibly take that back?”

He shook his head. “No, not the actual affair. I’m talking about the accusation you made against this coach.”

“Oh,” I murmured.

“You can take it back, you know.”

“I know. I’ve wanted to for so long. But…”

“You’re afraid of admitting you lied.”

“No, it’s not that,” I said, and then I told him about what had happened to Melanie. “I guess it’s I’m afraid of what will happen after I tell the truth.”

“It’s okay to be afraid, Jo-Jo. But you’ve got to look at it this way. Do you want to live the rest of your life wondering how things would have been different if you made it right?”

There was such truth in his words. I didn’t want to wake up someday ten years down the road and realize it all could have been better because of my choices. What was the old adage “the truth shall set you free?” Maybe it could.

“No, I don’t,” I whispered.

He reached over and squeezed my hand. “Then make it right.”

I smiled at him. “You really are amazing, did you know that?”

Nick raised his eyebrows and lit another cigarette. “You think so?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

He grinned. “Then that makes two of us.”

Laughing, I nudged him playfully. “There you go being an egomaniac again.” When I looked up at him, he grew serious.

“All joking aside, Jordan, I really appreciate what you just said. I’ve never had a girl tell me I was amazing.”

“Let me guess, except in bed?”

A small smile crept on his lips. “Well, maybe.” He took a long drag on the cigarette. “But I mean it. Just like you feel trapped by who you were, that’s how I feel too. Girls usually never take the chance to see me like you have. And the ones that do wanna give me a chance aren’t the right kind of girls.”

I shook my head. “Yeah, well, in case you missed it, I’m not the right kinda girl.”

“You will be. It’s all about what you chose to do with your purpose, remember?”

Maybe he was right, and I really could turn over a new leaf. Of course, it seemed like the cards were already stacked against me. I had eighteen years of man-bashing, boozing, and narcissism engrained in me by my mother. How would it be possible I could change all that?

“Even kids from good homes go bad, Jordan.”

My eyes widened. “Okay, you’re starting to freak me out the way you’re reading my mind.”

“You’re easy to read.”

“Nope, I’m just easy.”

Nick took my hand in his. “Stop doing that. I won’t let you run yourself down anymore, you got that?”

The intensity of his stare made me tremble. It unfortunately also made me tingle with longing. “Okay, I’ll try not to.”

“Good. Glad to hear it.”

I eyed my watch. “Wow, it’s already after one. We better hurry up and lock up.”

He nodded and put out his cigarette. “So do you have to work tomorrow night?”

My heartbeat raced in my chest. “Um, no. Do you?”

“Nope.” He ducked his head, and I could tell he was nervous about something. I bit my lip to keep from smiling. Mr. Ex-Junkie turned Wise Sage wanted to ask me out but couldn’t get up the courage. Finally, he lifted his head. “You wanna hang out with me tomorrow night?”

I smiled. “Yeah, that sounds good. What did you have in mind?”

“Well, we’ve got this really cool service going on at church—”

My mouth fell open. “You want to take me to church? On a Saturday night?”

He nodded. “I think you’d really like it.”

I fought the urge to laugh in his face. Church and I had never mixed. Even now at Saint Catherine’s I went through the motions when we had benediction. But something about Nick’s face made me want to give it a try. “Okay, I’ll go.”

A wide grin spread across his face, and I felt my heart flutter in my chest.

Chapter Seventeen: Melanie

The night after talking with Dr. Leighton was the first night I fell asleep without a shot. But it wasn’t a restful sleep. I wish I could say it was because I was no longer tripping on pain medicine, but it was because I dreamed of nothing but Will.

I saw his face as clearly as if he were right in front of me. His dark eyes, his wavy brown hair, the dimples in his cheeks when he smiled. And he was always smiling in the dream. We both were. It was so vivid I could feel his touch as we walked hand in hand. His smooth fingers gliding over mine, intertwining as he brought his lips to mine.

Just as we began kissing intently, I began to wake up. No, not now! I pinched my eyes shut, unwilling to release myself from the dream. It was still so real I could smell his cologne. “Will,” I moaned.

A sound in the room caused my eyes to snap open. They darted frantically around until I saw a shadowy figure in the chair beside me. I gasped.