My One and Only(38)
Given the small space, Nick and I had to stand very close to each other. He looked calm and wise, but I could feel the irritation crackling off him. He glanced at me, then dropped his gaze to my low-cut dress, where the boobage was generously displayed. “Thanks for the show,” he murmured. He pulled back a little and checked out my ass. “I have to wonder, though…where do you hide your leathery tail?”
“Bite me, Nick,” I muttered. The justice of the peace gave me a look. His eyebrows would put Andy Rooney’s to shame. I returned the look sharply. What? He frowned, then cleared his throat.
“Dearly beloved,” he said, then broke into another coughing spell.
“One could almost say it’s a sign,” I murmured to Nick, flashing a smile at my sister.
“Did I mention I like the extra weight on you?” he whispered, staring straight ahead now. “Most women couldn’t pull off fifteen extra pounds, but I like you chunky.”
“Please, Nick. Sacred vows and all that,” I bit out. “We both know how much those mean. And it’s eight pounds. Not fifteen.”
“Will you two shut up?” Chris asked amiably, grinning at his bride.
“Your brother has cramps,” I said. “But yes. I’ll shut up.”
“At last,” Nick grunted.
I mouthed an obscenity at my ex, then clenched my teeth and turned to watch the proceedings. But.
Here’s the thing.
As I stood on the altar, next to Nick…well, it obviously brought up some memories. Despite my fears and doubts on my own wedding day, despite the fact that I felt like we’d been making a huge mistake, I had…well.
I had loved Nick with all my heart, damn it.
“I, Willa, take you, Christopher, to be my husband. To have and to hold from this day forth…”
I swallowed. I was so not the type to cry at weddings (or divorces, or funerals, or Iams commercials), but those words…I saw that my sister gripped Christopher’s hands a little harder.
“…in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer…”
My snarky cynicism seemed to have deserted me, and I felt a little panicky all of a sudden. Exposed, almost. Willa’s voice was husky with emotion, and I recognized the sincerity in her voice…because I’d meant those words, too, when it had been my turn to say them, twelve years ago.
“…to love and to cherish…”
I sneaked a glance over at Nick. He was looking at the floor, and I wondered if he was remembering, too.
“…from this day forward, and for all the days of my life.”
God, I’d loved him so much.
He looked up at me, and time seemed to stop. Those dark, sad, beautiful eyes…full of so much…regret? Love? Sorrow? For one long, unguarded moment, we just looked at each other, a sea of emotion and all this time between us.
If only…the saddest words in the English language.
I would never love anyone the way I loved him. My lawyerly brain accepted that fact. My heart…well, my heart couldn’t think at the moment. Once, I’d been adored by the man with the gypsy eyes, and those days had been the happiest and most terrifying of my life.
“The rings, please?” asked the JP. Nick looked over at the bride and groom, and the spell was broken, and I was left feeling as defenseless as a newborn raccoon on the Mass Pike during rush hour, because I knew Nick had seen.
The ceremony ended a few minutes later. Willa and Chris were engulfed in a crowd of well-wishers, Bever-Lee’s twang slicing through my molars as she squealed her joy. Dennis was already at the bar, obeying his genetic imperative by sipping a Guinness, laughing with Emily. Dad nodded and shook hands. Willa caught my eye and gave that infectious, delighted smile of hers. She waved her hand, and I caught a glimpse of the thin gold band. I shoved down my apprehension, smiled back and said a quick prayer to whatever god, saint or angel might keep her happy, considered sacrificing a goat…whatever it took.
Nick didn’t look at me again. There was a stillness about him even as he smiled at the other guests, shook hands and chatted. But he didn’t even glance my way.
The storm had ended, and the general consensus was that the party should move back out onto the patio. People picked up chairs and tables, and the party moved outside. The sun broke through the clouds in thick slices of gold, the pines sparkled with raindrops and the lake gleamed an ethereal blue.
I needed a moment.
Running up the stairs, I got a leer from an elderly man in a Korean War veteran baseball cap. Ignoring him, I continued charging up the stairs, all the way to the third floor—hey, I was in good shape, all that bike riding, so this was nothing. No, the knocking and rolling of my heart, that was due to something other than exercise.
My room was blissfully quiet. Coco, curled around her bunny, acknowledged me with two wags but didn’t open her eyes, as naptimes were precious to her. I went over to the window and pulled back the curtain, revealing the endless wilderness. My hands were shaking, I noted. What to do about that was another question. “Harper.”
As if summoned, Nick stood in my doorway. “Nick,” I breathed.
For a second, I just looked at him—his tousled, nearly black hair, those sad eyes, and it just didn’t seem possible that so many years had passed, that I hadn’t teased him about his first gray hair, that we hadn’t talked every day, that I’d spent so long without him, the last man on earth I ever thought would let me go.