Misbehaving (Sea Breeze #6)(67)

I had been so damn willing to give it to her too. In a way I had. I’d let her break me. Falling in love wasn’t something I had ever wanted. The only thing I had on my side was the fact that I had never told her I loved her. She didn’t know she’d hurt me as badly as she had. My pride was still somewhat intact. Not that it did me much good.

After planning on taking Jo back to my place for sex once the cotillion was over, I had failed miserably when the time actually came. I couldn’t stand to touch her. Kissing her had been bad. It lacked more than I could possibly label. She had felt wrong in my arms. She hadn’t fit right. Her curves didn’t send my heart into a wild frenzy, and the idea of getting her underneath me did nothing for me.

I had taken her home and gone back to my apartment to drink myself to sleep. Jo called the next day and the next. By kissing her, I had led her to believe I was attracted to her. How the hell she thought that after the kiss we shared, I wasn’t sure. Had she not been there for that kiss? It had been bland and boring. I focused on ignoring her at school and sending her calls to voice mail, but she wasn’t giving up that easily.

Two weeks later Winston was standing outside the door to my apartment when I got home from class. Winston was one of Jax’s bodyguards and had been with Jax since the beginning of his fame. I didn’t even look at him when I went to the door. “Good afternoon, Mr. Jason,” Winston said politely. It wasn’t his fault my brother was in there, nor was it his fault my brother paid for the apartment. I nodded. “Hello, Winston,” I replied, and stepped inside.

Jax was standing at the tall windows overlooking the small city with a soda in his hand. He turned to look at me and smirked. “You aren’t answering my calls. What did you expect?” he said.

I threw my books on the table. “I don’t know, maybe some f**king privacy,” I replied, annoyed.

Jax let out a low whistle. “Your language has taken a downward spiral.”

My brother’s witty comments were only making me more pissed off that he was here without asking.

“I’m not in the mood to talk. To anyone,” I snapped.

Jax nodded and walked over to sit on the bar stool closest to him. “Is it Mother? I heard her basically planning your wedding to Jo.”

“She can forget that shit. Jo needs to sniff elsewhere.”

“You took her to the cotillion,” Jax said as he studied me for a reaction. I knew what he was doing. He had always tried to figure me out by reading my facial expressions. Most of the time he was accurate.

“Meant nothing. I did what I said I’d do, and now I’m done.”

“You end it with Jess?” he asked, and I felt my entire body tense up at the sound of her name. I hadn’t said it or heard it in three weeks. And I wasn’t ready to hear it now.

“Don’t,” I said, walking away from him and across the room in case I started throwing things. She was already alive in my dreams at night. Haunting me. Driving me crazy. I didn’t want to acknowledge her existence while I was awake.

“Don’t what? Ask you about Jess?”

I fisted my hands at my sides and glared at the wall in front of me. He was trying to push my buttons. No reason to react. If he thought he’d gotten to me, he would chant her name until I lost it.

“That’s over,” I snarled.

“She end it?”

He wasn’t going to let up.

“For once in your goddamn life, don’t push me. Let this go.”

He didn’t reply, and I stood there prepared for him to say more. When he didn’t, I forced my hands to open and relax. This reaction was ridiculous. I had to get control of this.

I heard Jax stand up and I turned to look at him. He put his glass on the counter, then met my glare and nodded. “I’ll leave you to your brooding since it seems to be your thing. I got the answer I came for.”

I didn’t reply as he walked across the room and opened the door. He was really just going to leave. I started to say bye, but after that encounter it seemed empty.

Jax stopped and looked back at me. “You’ve never been hungry. The decisions you’ve had to make in your life haven’t meant life or death. And you’ve never had to give up something because you had no other choice. Being my brother hasn’t been easy. I get that. Having our mother obsess over your future sucks. But you haven’t known real fear. It’s been easy for you just like it has for me. When someone loves us enough, they’ll lie to protect us. Don’t forget that,” he said before closing the door.

I stood there and let his words replay in my head. Did he think I didn’t realize I had been given an easy ride in life? Was that his attempt at brotherly wisdom? I didn’t need him telling me my problems were nothing compared to the rest of the world’s. And why the hell was he talking about lying to protect someone you love? Who was lying? Him? Mother? Me? I shook my head and jerked the fridge door open, then closed it again.

I was restless. Jax’s words were going to eat at me. He had meant something by them. Jax didn’t just say shit like that for no reason. I picked up my phone and started to call Sadie. She was the only person in his head. She’d know what he was talking about. But then she’d tell him I’d called.

I scrolled through the names in my phone and my finger hovered over Amanda’s name. She’d know about Jess.