Mind Game (GhostWalkers, #2)(80)

Her heart hurt. Actually hurt. She had to keep from pressing her hand against her chest. She could barely breathe. It took all of her concentration to appear normal to the GhostWalker when the energy pouring into her and around her was building to explosive levels a second time. She remembered sitting so many hours on the roof of her home, wondering why she wasn’t like everyone else. She remembered moving through the streets at night and stopping to listen to mothers crooning to babies. One woman in particular had caught her attention. She rocked her baby on the front porch and sang softly to the child. Dahlia had gone home and wrapped her small raggedy blanket around her and sang the song to herself, rocking to try to feel whole just once. She detested pity parties, and she was in a full-blown one, unable to rise above it.

“Lily’s very anxious to meet you. She sent you a letter.”

Dahlia looked up quickly. “A letter from Lily?”

“Yes.” He fished inside his shirt pocket and pulled out a small scented envelope.

Dahlia stared at it, inhaling sharply. The writing was small and neat and very feminine. Her heart lurched inside of her and a pain began somewhere in the region of her stomach. Her emotions were already unstable, and just the idea of a letter from Lily terrified her. Shaking her head, she stood up and backed away from Kaden, heedless of the danger on the steeply pitched roof.

“Dahlia.” Kaden stood up as well. “I didn’t mean to upset you.” His gaze shifted to a spot behind her, the only warning she had.

Nicolas’s hard body pressed tightly up against hers, his arms sliding around her as he reached for the envelope. “I’ll take it. You didn’t upset her, Kaden. It’s the energy buildup. We need to give her a break.”

“Dahlia, you should have told me,” Kaden said immediately. “I’ll leave you two to do whatever works to make you more comfortable.”

Nicolas held her to him, caging her like he might a wild bird. “Don’t do this, Dahlia,” he whispered against her neck when Kaden made his way off the roof. “Stay with me. I know it isn’t easy, but we can find a way.”

“How?” She wanted to be angry, but all she could feel was despair. “Damn it, Nicolas, I hate to whine and feel self-pity. It’s useless. But I can’t do this. I can’t be with all these people and not overload. How in the world do you think there’s going to be a happily ever after? You’ll have to go your way, and I can’t go with you. And there’s Lily.” Her voice broke off and she leaned into him. “I don’t want to read her letter or see her. I don’t. I can’t. She’ll be everything I ever wanted in a sister. Everything I ever remembered, and I won’t be able to have her. I should never have started anything with you. Never.”

Nicolas moved his mouth over her bare neck, kissed his way along her shoulder. “You’re afraid, Dahlia. That’s natural, but it isn’t like you to run from a problem.”

“I can’t do this, Nicolas. You know what could happen. I’m so close to losing my mind it’s unbelievable. I can’t control my thoughts or my emotions. It’s a dangerous state for me to be in, especially around so many people. They can’t go without feeling anything. It isn’t possible.”

“I know it isn’t, Dahlia, I’m not minimizing the risk, but the risk is worth it. I’m not willing to walk away and pretend we didn’t meet. You’re a GhostWalker—you belong with us. That means we find a way to make it happen. You’re not alone anymore. We’ve got good minds, and you know Lily is brilliant. We’ll find a way to ease this. Nobody was hurt and no one is upset. We have accidents happening all the time. They might not be fires, but they can be just as dangerous. We’ve all had to find ways to cope. Did you see any of them staring at you as if you were different? You’re the same as we are. We all have these things happen to us.” He repeated it for emphasis, wanting her to believe. Willing her to believe.

His mouth was melting her with heat. The energy pounding at her, swarming around her, pouring into her began to subtly change. She could feel the change. Her heightened sexual awareness. Her body coming alive and every nerve ending waiting in anticipation. She closed her eyes against the tidal wave of passion. “Do you think we can spend the rest of our lives making love when we have company?”

“I wouldn’t mind it, although I doubt if it’s very practical. But sitting on the roof isn’t exactly practical either.”

“It works.”

“So apparently does sex,” he pointed out with satisfaction.

Unexpectedly she laughed, relaxing into him. “You sound so smugly male. Honestly Nicolas, you have such a thing about sex.”

“Only with you. I’m not willing to give up, Dahlia. You’re not a quitter. You’ve fought for a life since you were a child, finding your own way to deal with the energy when you had no help. You’d never be able to live with yourself if you quit now.”

She turned in his arms, tilted her head to look up at him. “If I didn’t find a way, I knew I’d cease to exist. I knew the energy would win. This is different. I had dreams, Nicolas. Everyone has to be able to dream. If I can’t have reality, I have to be able to have dreams, and if I can’t maintain with all those people,” she waved her hand to indicate the GhostWalkers, “then I have nothing left, not even my dreams.”