Midnight Sun (Twilight #1.5)(137)

"Be very still," I whispered.

I looked deep into her eyes and leaned in to kiss her, to bring my lips to hers and lick her warm skin, but abruptly I changed my mind, not wanting to tempt myself anymore then I already was. I placed my cheek against her neck. It fit there, like it belonged. I didn't know what I was doing, but ecstasy was quickly filling my veins. I continued to breathe in her aroma, and decided I needed a better whiff of what was driving me to crave more and more. I let my hands slide from her neck, just in case I was to make a mistake during my inability to re-cage my desires and snap it. I slowly brought my face closer to her collarbone and my nose lightly brushed her skin. She trembled then. The thought of what I was doing to her sent spasms of pleasurable electricity through my body and I inhaled one quick breath and held it for only a second longer than normal before releasing the air. The fragrance left a dull ache in my throat, but it was second to my new desires now. I continued to move my head and finally rested against her chest, making sure that each touch was calculated so I wouldn't damage her. Her heart was still racing under the tender membrane of her skin.

"Ah," I sighed.

I continued to listen to her heart. Sometimes it skipped a beat, and a few times it stopped all together. After an immeasurable moment her pulse slowed, and I realized in that moment that it was the most significant sound in my life. She never moved, but all too soon I was releasing her. I had brought her to me and didn't hurt her.

"It won't be so hard again," I said with resolution.

"Was that very hard for you?" she asked.

"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be. And you?" I asked, still curious if I were what she really wanted, if what I did was something she wanted.

"No, it wasn't bad...for me." She said timidly.

I grinned. Of course it wasn't hard for her...and I know it wasn't bad, either.

"You know what I mean." She said ruefully, and then smiled.

My face was warm from being against her for so long, "Here," I said, placing her hand against my cheek, "Do you feel how warm it is?"

Electricity flowed through our touch. Suddenly, she whispered, "Don't move."

I froze. I closed my eyes then, and settled into being a statue. I could smell the air being stirred close to my face and suddenly she was touching my cheek, her warm hand rubbing up and down my face, like she had been doing with my arm. I wanted to pull her into my chest, and I wanted to push her away. I didn't want to do something I would regret and she was making it amazingly hard to say no to her now. Her finger tips moved from my chin to my eyelids. Her fingers traced around my eyes, down my nose and then she reached my lips. Pleasure washed over me. The bliss of her touch had me begging for more. I parted my lips then, sucking in the air of the warm aroma that was her hand. She dropped her hand then, this time I was instantly upset, wanting her to continue. I opened my eyes and she looked into them. Her pulse picked up again.

"I wish...I wish you could feel the... complexity...the confusion...I feel. That you could understand," I whispered.

I reached up to gently move a strand of her hair away from her face. I remembered when Mike had done this, she seemed repulsed. Now, she was just as eager as I was.

"Tell me," she barely made a noise, it was mostly a wisp of a breath.

"I don't think I can. I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger - the thirst - that deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think you can understand that, to an extent. Though," I grinned half heartily, "as you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely. But..." I brought my fingers to her lips and watched her shiver under my touch, a shiver of pleasure, emphasizing my next words, "There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me."

She responded quickly, "I may understand that better than you think."

Did she understand? There was no way she could understand my feelings, but maybe she did, maybe it is because it is so new to me that I think she wasn't feeling them too. Maybe this was something that was more human than vampire.

"I'm not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?"

"For me?" she asked, but answered before I could tell her to continue, "No, never. Never before this."

I held her hands securely in mine, making sure that I was gentle; constantly afraid I would use too much force and break her.

"I don't know how to be close to you." I confessed, "I don't know if I can."

She took charge then, slowly moving her face closer to mine. She kept her eyes on mine until she couldn't see me anymore. She had placed her head against my chest now. I continued to breathe slowly.

"This is enough," she sighed.

Before I understood my own actions, desire reared up and took control. I wrapped my arms around her, enveloping her, making sure my grip was not too strong, but was secure enough to show her that she could count on me to protect her. I brought my face to her hair and took in a large breath or her heady scent. Thirst broke free then, but the two creatures, hunger and desire fought, and desire won.

"You're better at this than you give yourself credit for," she noted.

"I have human instincts - they may be buried deep, but they're there." I explained to her.

My desire was refusing to let her go, and she didn't struggle against my tender grasp. After several long, but not long enough, moments, she sighed. I looked to the forest and realized the sun slanted at a different angle.