Midnight Sun (Twilight #1.5)(136)

I was still irritated at the fact that she hadn't told a single soul that she was spending the day with me.

"Why?" she asked.

I didn't understand why she had to ask, didn't she know that it would cause me physical pain to hurt her now, that I loved her more than my own existence?

"Isabella." I said, letting her know that I was being nothing but serious by saying her full name. I stared into her eyes then, and my hand came up and I carefully ruffled her hair with my free hand. The current of electricity was now going in one hand and out the other, being released and zapping again with our touches, like we were meant to be joined together.

"Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me." I looked down, away from her gaze because I was abashed. I didn't want the words to exit my mouth, but she had to know, "The thought of you, still, white, cold... to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses...it would be unendurable." I returned my gaze to her eyes then, "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."

At the sound of my words, a craving burst through my chest and it wasn't for her blood, it was for her soul. I wanted to hold this precious soul close to me and never let go. To protect it from anything and everything that would harm it. I continued to stare fixedly upon her face, she had looked down, securing my hand in hers... reaffirming that she felt the same way. She spoke then, "You already know how I feel, of course. I'm here... which roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." Her lips turned down then, "I'm an idiot."

"You are an idiot," I agreed, but I couldn't help but laugh. She met my gaze then and joined in with my laughter. My cold dead heart squeezed in that moment. I felt eager to pull our bodies together, to intertwine them. After everything I confessed today, she still wanted to be with me, she was continually saying yes to me. At that moment, I wanted to confess my feelings for her. I wanted to bring her close to my body and whisper what she meant to me. I finally spoke, "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb...," I whispered.

She looked away then and her cheeks began to flush.

"What a stupid lamb," she sighed.

"What a sick masochistic lion." I murmured.

I had wondered if she were masochistic before, about not telling anyone we were together today and realized it was me who gained gratification from pain, not her. Every breath, every touch... it was exceedingly painful and fantastic. Every moment of pain I was feeling was pleasurable because I was able to be with her. I continued to seek her out and deny myself a touch. I was the only one who was masochistic here.

"Why...?" Bella asked, not finishing her question. She had paused, like she wasn't sure how to finish. Ah, what was she thinking now? I smiled at her expression, "Yes?"

"Tell me why you ran from me before." She pleaded.

My lips began to turn down then, "You know why."

"No, I mean, exactly what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This for example" she caressed my hand then and the warmth sent electricity up my spine and down to my toes, "seems to be all right."

My smile returned. She wanted to make things easier for me because she wanted to be with me. Even after we leave this meadow, she was planning on staying with me. Would I ever get use to this wonderful creature? She needed to understand though, that there wasn't anything she did to make me want to take her life, it was strictly on how delicious she smelled.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault."

"But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you." She explained.

"Well..." honestly, everything she did made it difficult for me. Her scent - her attachment to me - her unreadable thoughts - how she was constantly needing me to save her, it all made it difficult. "It was just how close you were. Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness...I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your throat." I was immediately aware that I almost exposed how much I craved everything about her. I looked at her then, making sure I hadn't scared her with what little I told her.

"Okay then," she replied breezily.

She tucked her neck in then, "No throat exposure." She said seriously.

My laugh was instantaneous. She didn't understand what I was trying to say, "No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else."

I raised my hand then, trying to prove a point, and placed my hand gently on her soft, warm, neck. In that moment, I pictured doing several things; bringing her closer to me and caressing her striking face, running my hand up through her hair so I could lightly pull her to my lips, bringing my nose to her neck and smell her from her neck to her ear... but I resisted.

"You see, perfectly fine." I said.

I felt her blood pulsing under my palm and her breath coming faster and blowing sweetly into my face. The scent, the sound, it was so appealing. Eagerness ran through me and I was instantly excited. She began to blush a light red color that set her eyes and lips glowing richly with desire.

"The blush on your cheeks is lovely," I whispered.

That insatiable creature, desire, refused to be caged at this point and took over my body. I released my hand from her grasp lightly and watched her hands fall limply into her lap. I reached up; slowly, deliberately gentle to place my hand on her cheek. I held her warm, precious face, in between my hands. I filled my lungs with her luscious scent, and it only sent electricity through my body now, being released slowly into her sweet cheeks from my palms. My passion for her was making me greedy.