Mended (Lucian & Lia #3)(8)
Cassie is different, though. His relationship with her has shaped him into the man he is. Even all these years later, she owns his nights and haunts his dreams. He wakes gasping for air, filled with an agony that only cocaine can ease. He has told me that she aborted their baby, but there is more there—much more. Something like that, while traumatic, shouldn’t be causing the type of dreams he has. In order for Lucian and me to be together, I have to know about her. It’s vital to the survival of Lucian and our relationship. I hope that in talking to me about her, he can finally be free of whatever demons haunt him.
I leave him briefly in the foyer to let Rose know. I knock on her closed door and she calls out for me to come in. She’s lying on her disheveled bed holding her phone. The grin on her face tells me that she has likely made good on her threat to call Max. She puts the phone against her chest and looks at me questioningly. “I’m going back to the apartment so Lucian and I can talk for a while.” She doesn’t try to talk me out of leaving; she simply gives me a smile that says she’d never expected I would stay.
“All righty then. You two kids behave.” I thank her and promise to call if I need to come back. As I’m closing the door behind me, I hear her say, “Max, I understand, but I don’t think I can help myself. When I’m alone, I’m just overcome with the need to make him pay.” I turn quickly, thinking I need to stay if she’s that close to the edge. When she gives me a smile and a thumbs-up, it hits me. She is pushing Max’s buttons. I think she couldn’t care less about Jake now. He is just a means to get to the man who has her complete attention. Poor Max. I’ve never met a more determined and goal-oriented person than Rose. If she wants him, then he should go ahead and wave the white flag now—he’s going down. I predict by the time their conversation is over, Max will be on his way over to talk her out of whatever she is threatening to do.
Lucian is standing at the door waiting for me. He looks down at my bags and back to me. I know he’s asking if I plan to take them. I nod, trying to reassure him that I’m not leaving, no matter what he reveals to me. It’s ironic, I know, considering how fast I packed and left after finding out about my father. What he doesn’t know though, is that even as angry as I was with him, I almost turned around a dozen times. Whether I live or die has mattered to so few people in my life. How could I possibly turn my back on the man who has guarded me with everything he is? He has only recently said the words—he loves me—but haven’t I felt it almost as long as I’ve known my feelings for him? He has shown me in every way possible that he’d do anything for me. Today he will give me the final part of himself that he has been holding back. He will share his pain with me, and no matter what the story, I will stay. In my heart and soul, I know we were destined to find each other. Two damaged, broken people looking for the person who could make them whole again. I am his and he is mine. Of this, I am certain.
Chapter Three
Lucian
I resist the urge to do something completely out of character, like pulling over on the side of the road and throwing up. I should be calmer now. Lia is beside me, with her bags tucked between her feet. Her hand is on my leg, silently giving me the support I need, but still my heart races in fear. Telling her my story is almost anticlimactic. I no longer believe she will leave me as a direct result, but I do fear it will alter her opinion of the type of man I am.
Cassie committed heinous and unforgivable acts, but I was not without fault. Maybe the result would have still been the same, but that’s something I’ll never know. We were two kids who had no idea how to survive the type of toxic relationship we’d found ourselves in. Ultimately, our unborn child paid the price. There was a time I believed that I loved her and maybe I did. But those feelings were nothing compared to what I feel for the woman sitting next to me. My life was but an empty shell before she came into it. To keep her, I can no longer be the man I have been. She has worked so hard to overcome her past. How can I be worthy of her and do any less?
We arrive at the apartment far too quickly. I take her hand and lead her from the parking garage and into the elevator. She then curls her arms around my waist, resting her head against my chest. “I love you,” she whispers. The elevator opens to our floor, but neither of us moves. I wrap my arms around her small frame and hold her. It seems that we are both hesitating to cross the threshold into our home.
“I love you too, baby,” I say, before pressing a kiss against her head. She shudders against me and I don’t know if it’s from the words or the kiss. Just hours earlier when I declared my love for the first time, she had been livid. She felt I was just saying the words under duress to stop her from leaving. Maybe I wouldn’t have blurted them out so abruptly had she not been packing a bag, but the feelings had been true just the same. Not everyone has a shiny, perfect kind of love. Sometimes it’s messy, complicated, and painful. It doesn’t lessen the depth of the feelings involved though. I love her with an all-consuming intensity that scares the hell out of me. There had been times in my life when I wanted to give up, but if I lost her, I truly don’t think I would be able to recover.
“You really mean that, don’t you?” she asks in something akin to wonder.
“More than you can even imagine. I’m sorry I didn’t return the words when you first spoke them to me. I just panicked.”
She surprises a laugh out of me when she says, “I know. I’m kind of irresistible though so I knew you’d come around.” And that right there is one of the big reasons I do love her. Her ability to adapt and bounce back is like nothing I’ve ever seen. She was blindsided by Lee Jacks just hours before and can still find it within herself to make a joke. The fact I haven’t been worshipping at her feet every day should be a crime.