Mended (Lucian & Lia #3)(2)
Shaking my head, I say, “No. Trust me, you don’t. Suffice to say, Lia has a very protective friend.”
My aunt takes a sip of her coffee, eyeing me thoughtfully. “So, let’s start with the reason you wanted to meet this morning. I’m always happy to hear from you, but I gathered this was to be more than a social call.”
The smile on her face shows she notices me shifting sheepishly in my chair. It’s the feeling many adult children have when reminded by a parent that they don’t stay in touch enough. I love my aunt and would do anything for her, but until Lia, I’d always been more of a loner. I have friends who I consider family, but I prefer to keep them at a safe distance. People I love don’t seem to fare well. “Point taken, Fae,” I note dryly. I have no idea how to delicately state my reason for needing to see her, so I get to the point. “I’ve been using cocaine for years and I need to stop.” I brace myself for the shock and disappointment I expect to see on her face, but instead, it remains blank. There is no flicker of surprise. I find that instead of her, I’m the one at a loss for words now.
She leans forward in her chair and briefly squeezes my hand before admitting, “I know, Luc. I mean I didn’t know you were specifically using cocaine, but I knew there was something. I just hoped that at some point, you’d come to me for help.”
My eyes widen in disbelief at her calm statement. “But—how?” The first thing that comes to mind is that Sam told her. Since his nephew has been my supplier for years, I’d find it hard to believe he would have the nerve to rat me out. My aunt would likely kick his ass. That leaves only Lia and Aidan and I can’t see either of them letting her in on my secret.
She releases a breath before answering my question. “I’ve spent years working in the emergency department at one of North Carolina’s largest hospitals. Trust me when I say that I’ve seen it all. I thought at first that I just imagined something that wasn’t there. I’d notice your dilated pupils, but then when I saw you again, they were normal. Being that we would go weeks between visits, I couldn’t be certain for a long time. In the last year though, I’ve seen you more and have noticed a pattern. When Lia was in the hospital though, you seemed fine and I had hoped that having her in your life had helped you get control.” Closing her eyes briefly, she drops her head before adding, “Luc, cocaine is deadly. This is going to make me sound like a horrible authority figure, but I’d have preferred marijuana.”
Attempting to lighten my aunt’s morose mood, I joke, “So, you’re more than fine with me smoking pot? I wish you’d have clued me into that when I was in high school. It would have prevented a whole lot of sneaking around on Aidan’s and my part.”
Aunt Fae rolls her eyes. “You boys were never as smart as you thought you were. I had half of the neighborhood keeping an eye on you. You were a good kid, Luc, who grew up into a great man.”
Looking at her in amazement, I say dryly, “This is definitely one of those glass-half-full moments if you’re complimenting me after I’ve admitted to using cocaine.”
She laughs softly before turning serious. “I should have confronted you long before this. It in no way excuses me, but as you appeared to be functioning normally, I assumed it was only something you were using recreationally. After what happened to you with Cassie, I just didn’t know how to demand that you give up something that helped you make it through the day. But coke, Luc,” she chokes out. “I never thought it was that—never.”
I didn’t want to continue to let her beat herself up. I was an adult when I took my first snort, and I was eight years past that now. It wasn’t her responsibility to manage my demons for me. In the end, it had always been my decision and the euphoria over the pain had seemed worth the risk to me for so many years. Now I had Lia, who had battled and survived her life without the crutch I had needed. I would never let her use something that could potentially take her away from me, even as a form of escape, and I owed her the same. The high was no longer worth the guilt and self-loathing that came with it. “Fae, you couldn’t have stopped me. I needed it to survive for a long time, and as much as I hate to say it, I would have cut you from my life before giving it up.”
She absorbs my brutal honesty with little emotion. If I see anything, it’s a small measure of relief at my words. It would be too hard for her to accept she could have done something to help me sooner and did not. How is it that nothing rattles the woman in front of me? I so appreciate her strength, her fortitude, and unconditional support. “Does Lia know? Is that why she left?”
“She does, and no, that isn’t the reason.” The same quandary faces me that I had with Rose. With my aunt though, I feel she needs to know about Lia’s parentage and my part in keeping it from her. It seems impossible to fully convey the mess I’ve made of my relationship with Lia without being forthcoming. Rubbing a hand across my throbbing temple, I begin. “I discovered—quite by accident—the identity of Lia’s father right before her attack. When he approached me after Lia left the hospital, I made the choice not to tell her. She wasn’t in a good place emotionally and I didn’t think she could deal with any additional stress. Especially something of that magnitude.”
“I assume that he lives here if you have met with him?”
Inclining my head, I say, “He does. Her father is Lee Jacks.”