Love, Exes, and Ohs (Cactus Creek #4)(53)

Even as she smiled at the memory, the tears fell. “I don’t remember the pain of the delivery at all, because it paled in comparison to the pain in my heart when I saw his face for the first time, lying there in my arms, and it hit me that I wouldn’t get to keep him. He was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, and I’d cried, wishing you could see him too. Because he was perfect. Our perfect little son.”

Isaac looked as devastated as she felt.

“Xo, I’m so sorry you have to give up our son. This was all my fault, and I’ll never forgive myself. If I’d known, I swear to you, I would’ve been by your side for every one of his cartwheels in your tummy, for his birth, and every milestone of his life.”

“Don’t,” she uttered brokenly. “Don’t make it harder than it is. Don’t make me wish for things I can’t ever have.” She gazed at him, now seeing so many different men—the man she’d fallen in love with a year ago and the man she’d thought she hated nine years ago, her best friend and her first, Blake’s father and the man she had been falling even more deeply in love with for the past few weeks. “I think…I think I need some time, Isaac.”

He stilled, and then growled. “No, I’m not losing you again, Xoey. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you as soon as I figured it out but I just didn’t want to hurt you anymore with the past, especially not with everything you were going through with Blake.”

Suddenly, an extremely tardy realization occurred to her and she blinked up at him in utter empathy. “My God. This must’ve been so hard for you. The past few weeks…being his father and no one knowing.”

He didn’t deny that.

…Which compounded how chaotic the whole situation was.

“I’ll talk to Darcy and we’ll figure out how we’re going to tell Blake.” She laid her hand on his forearm. “He’s your son, Isaac. I’m going to make sure you get to spend time with him.”

“Why can’t we just spend time with him together?” he asked in a low tone, eyes studying her as if already knowing what her answer would be.

“Isaac, you being my best friend isn’t going to change, no matter what happened in our past, or what we’re trying to juggle now. And you being Blake’s dad—that, I’ll make damn sure happens. But you and I dating…that just can’t work. Not right now. Maybe not ever.”

He stared silently at her for long minutes, no doubt looking at the mirror-like reflection of pain in her eyes. Then he turned and left without another word.

The very moment Isaac left her office, Xoey felt lost, more lost than she’d ever felt before in her life.

In normal circumstances, this would be the sort of thing she’d talk to Isaac about.

So it surprised her to no end who she ended up calling first.

“Vivian? Do you have a few minutes to talk?”





CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE


THE NEXT DAY, Xoey went over to see Darcy as planned, not letting on that underneath the smile she was doggedly keeping on her face, she was a ragged mess.

She still didn’t know how she was going to tell Blake about Isaac being his biological father.

This whole situation was just insane.

Surprisingly, Vivian had been the perfect person for her to talk to last night, mainly because she’d played devil’s advocate and asked Xoey if she thought her life would’ve ended up the same way had there not been a mix-up with her phone number, or if he’d been there at the house still when she’d gone over to tell him about the pregnancy.

It wasn’t her own answer to that hypothetical question that surprised her, but rather, her feelings about it.

But that was another analysis for another day.

“Hey Darcy, you’re looking good today.”

Seeing Darcy’s improved color helped to put a genuine smile on Xoey’s face as she sat down in the chair beside her hospital bed. It wasn’t just her coloring either, Darcy looked…almost serene. “Your pain level better today?”

“It comes and goes. Today’s a good day.”

“I’m glad.” She glanced at Darcy’s left arm before quickly looking away again, wanting to ask more questions, but didn’t know whether she should.

Darcy, as if reading her mind, said simply, “I still can’t move my legs or my arms.”

Pain for her friend lanced through her heart. “The doctors said these things take time.”

“That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Surprised at her serious tone, Xoey immediately became concerned. “Did they have a new prognosis for you?”

“No, not a new one. But he did have more clarifications and insight.”

“Is everything okay?”

“I’ll live. And I won’t get worse. But I almost definitely won’t regain any feeling or movement in my legs. My arms, they said might start responding to rehab, but my fingers very likely never will.”

“But before your second surgery, before the coma, you’d been able to move your right hand. Can’t that mean it’s possible?”

“Maybe. But the odds are really slim. I’ve actually already talked to Vivian about what the doctors have concluded and that’s why I asked her to take Blake out for lunch so you and I could chat alone for a bit.”