Letting Go (Surrender Trilogy #1)(71)

“I have to be in early this morning,” he said in a neutral tone. “There’s a lot to do before Jensen’s partnership is announced. I’m not sure how late I’ll be but I’ll call to let you know when I’m on my way home.”

Her brow furrowed. His mood was the same as it had been the previous morning when she hadn’t been able to discern what was bothering him. And it was evident that something was. She may be an open book when it came to her emotions, but Dash was similar in that she only had to look into his eyes to know if something was off. And for the second morning, he wasn’t his usual, loving self.

He didn’t even come to the bed to kiss her, and she felt too self-conscious to get out of bed to go to him. She was too afraid he’d reject her and so she remained where she was, studying him from underneath her lashes.

“Be careful,” she said quietly. “I’ll look forward to you coming home. Shall I cook dinner for us tonight?”

“Whatever you like,” he said indifferently. “We can eat out if you prefer.”

“I’ll cook,” she said firmly, wanting to do something to please him.

He nodded and then turned back, collecting his watch and wallet and car keys.

She waited for him to kiss her. For him to offer a sweet word. For him to tell her he’d miss her. Anything. Something. But he simply collected his belongings and strode toward the door, leaving her in bed, her lips parted in surprise.

She flopped back onto the pillow, staring up at the ceiling. What the hell was going on? What was with his Jekyll and Hyde act? It was exhausting trying to keep up with his mood swings. She’d been nothing but honest and open with him at every turn, and yet he was holding back from her.

Supposedly women were the moody, emotional creatures. According to men. But men were far more guilty of being volatile. Up and down. One minute he was sweet, tender and absolutely adoring. The next? Silent and brooding over God only knew what.

Maybe he just wasn’t a morning person. Admittedly, until recently, she had zero experience with him in the mornings. She’d never had cause to see him or interact with him in the early hours of the day. Her exposure to him had been limited to afternoons and evenings, and he’d been nothing but charming on those occasions.

Oh well, she’d have to have enough morning cheer for both of them apparently. She’s always been an early riser and what she considered a morning person. Carson had teased her about being disgustingly cheerful the moment she rose from bed.

Thoughts of Carson brought back the disturbing dreams from the night before. Her lips turned down into an unhappy frown. What did they mean? Dreams were inexplicable, a manifestation of the subconscious. Who the hell knew what they really meant? Maybe they meant nothing at all. Maybe it was just a battle between her past and present, colliding at night when her thoughts were unguarded.

At any rate, she wished they’d go away. Carson was gone. He wasn’t coming back. Last night’s dream had bothered her immensely. The heaviness followed her into the waking hours, weighing on her as she remembered the impossible choice she’d faced in the dream.

It was silly because she’d never face that choice. It was pointless to even dwell on it and think about which way she’d go because it was never going to happen. The choice had been made for her.

Would she choose Carson if she could have him back? Would she turn her back on Dash and everything he offered? She shook her head, refusing to go there. It would only lead to guilty feelings on her part because in her dream she hadn’t chosen him.

“Stop thinking about it, Joss. You’re only upsetting yourself and feeling unnecessary guilt. Carson would want you to be happy. He wouldn’t want you to mourn him forever. Get over it and move on.”

She briefly wondered if she should see a doctor. Not a shrink. God, anything but that. But perhaps her doctor could give her something to make her sleep more soundly so she wasn’t tormented by dreams of her husband and her current lover.

Filing that away and making a mental note to place a call to her physician, she forced herself out of bed, wondering what she’d do the entire day while Dash was at work.

What had she done before she’d moved into his house?

More and more she considered going back to work as a nurse. She needed a purpose. Something to occupy her time so she wasn’t doing nothing day in, day out. Her CEUs were current. She had her license. She could go back to work at any time.

What would Dash think? He’d made it clear that he wanted her time to be his own, but he had to work. He couldn’t just drop everything to be with her twenty-four-seven, and she wouldn’t expect him to.

She didn’t necessarily want to go back to shift work, and it wasn’t probable that she’d score a day shift job, coming in as low man on the totem pole. Yes, the swing and night shift made more per hour, but she didn’t need the money. She was financially secure thanks to Carson. What she needed was something to occupy her time.

Maybe she could seek employment at a doctor’s office. At least then her hours would be normal and she’d have weekends off.

And there was the fact that she’d planned to go back to school to become a nurse practitioner. She had classes and credits toward that goal, but she’d quit when she’d quit her job. She only lacked a year and she could have her license and go to work under a doctor in private practice.