Letting Go (Surrender Trilogy #1)(70)

Tate grimaced. “This is going to be hard for her. I hate it but she has to put her past behind her at some point. She can’t continue to let it rule her present and future. I’m glad you stuck to your guns, Dash. She needs that.”

Dash nodded his agreement as his expression darkened. He glanced in Kylie’s direction, his frown deepening. “She was out of line for lashing out at Joss the way she did. That I won’t allow. She can say whatever she wants to me, but I’ll be damned if she pulls that shit with Joss.”

Joss’s heart warmed all over again. She pressed into Dash’s side and tipped her head up to kiss him on the mouth. He seemed surprised and then delighted at her spontaneous show of affection.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “It means a lot that you’d stick up for me the way you did.”

He put a finger underneath her chin, tipping it upward to meet his steady gaze. “Always, honey. I’ll never allow anyone to hurt you. Count on that.”

She smiled and then shooed him toward the kitchen.

“If y’all don’t get the meat on, we’ll never eat. We’re hungry!”

Laughing, Dash headed in Jensen’s direction, Tate following behind. After a moment the three men disappeared into the kitchen, and Joss heard the door to the patio open and then shut as they went out to tend the grill.

Noticing Kylie’s and Chessy’s wineglasses were nearly empty, she went to fetch a bottle and refilled theirs as well as hers.

She motioned for them to sit and get comfortable, knowing they had half an hour before the steaks were ready.

It was just like old times, only Carson wasn’t there. He was the only missing component, and now there was Jensen, filling that void. It would never be the same, and for the first time Joss felt optimistic about that fact. No, nothing would ever be the same, but it was certainly possible that it would be better.

TWENTY

AS if knowing how trying the evening had been for Joss and how emotionally fragile she was, Dash made love to her so tenderly that she was overcome. Afterward, he pulled her to him, binding their wrists as he’d done previously and then cradled her in his arms, her head pillowed on his shoulder.

She loved the intimacy of the act. Of being bound to him. It was more than just a physical binding. She felt connected to him on a much deeper level. One she welcomed and savored with her entire heart.

She fell into a deep sleep, contented and sated, and yet when her dreams came, they were disturbing. Carson was there, smiling at her, holding out his hand. Dash was on the other side, standing with his heart in his eyes. The voice inside her head told her to choose. That if she had the choice of having Carson back or remaining with Dash, which would she pick?

She frowned even in sleep, her forehead creasing in pain. How could she make such a choice? She’d always said she’d do anything to have Carson back. Anything at all. But now it wasn’t so simple. Now she had Dash.

She was caught in the middle of two men she cared about, each pulling her in a different direction. The dream didn’t make sense. She couldn’t have Carson back, so why was she being tormented with the choice?

And yet each man was demanding she decide. Carson’s smile faltered and sadness entered his eyes. His hand dropped, his shoulders sagging in defeat. But Dash didn’t look triumphant. He looked tortured, as though he’d do anything in the world to spare Joss the pain she faced.

Dash turned away from her, making her decision for her, but that wasn’t what she wanted. Still, she didn’t reach for Carson. She remained standing, frozen with the impossibility of the task before her.

How could she choose? Her past or her present? Her future? Carson was dead. She couldn’t—wouldn’t—betray Dash’s faith in her. Even in her dreams, she wouldn’t allow such a thing to happen.

Her heart in pieces, she watched helplessly as Carson turned, slowly fading away, becoming transparent, the look on his face slashing her open, leaving her bleeding on the inside.

“I’m sorry, Carson. I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

Tears slipped down her cheeks, warm against the coolness of her skin.

Dash watched her in the darkness, helplessness gripping him. She was fighting her demons even in sleep and he was powerless to do anything about it. Worse, she was crying for her dead husband, apologizing to him. For what? For cheating on him? For betraying his memory as Kylie had accused her of? Did Dash ever have a hope of winning her heart or would a dead man forever own it?

He silently untied the sash binding their wrists together and this time it was he who turned away, putting his back to Joss. And again, sleep eluded him. He lay there, fighting his own demons while Joss battled hers, just inches away and a world apart all at the same time.

TWENTY-ONE

JOSS awakened the next morning feeling emotionally wrung out from her troubled, upsetting dreams. She automatically reached for Dash, needing the comfort he offered, a shelter from the emotional turmoil of her dreams.

To her surprise not only was her wrist no longer bound to his, but he wasn’t in bed. She struggled to sit up, brushing back her hair so she could see. Across the room Dash stood in front of the dresser buttoning the sleeves to his dress shirt. His expression was solemn, as if he were deep in thought.

“Dash?”

His name came out shaky and soft, but he heard her and turned immediately, his expression indecipherable.