Letting Go (Surrender Trilogy #1)(4)

She closed her eyes as tears gathered and she didn’t reopen them until she was certain she could return to the car where Dash waited without looking like she’d fallen apart.

With one last glance at the grave and the flowers that had already lost a few petals to the wind, she turned, squared her shoulders and walked away. The wind picked up and the sun broke further through the clouds, shining down on her face. She turned her face upward, soaking in the warmth as peace enveloped her in its gentle embrace. It was as if Carson were sending her a message, or perhaps she only imagined him blessing her decision.

Dash held the door open for her, his gaze fixed on her face as if he were trying to ascertain her mood. She was careful to keep herself from showing any outward emotion. Because what she would say next she was certain he would object to, and if he thought she was upset, he’d never leave her alone the rest of the day.

She waited until he was behind the wheel and they were driving away before she turned to him.

“I have lunch plans today, so you don’t have to stay with me. And I have plans for tonight as well,” she murmured, letting him make of that what he would.

Dash’s brow furrowed, and he made no effort to hide his concern. He reached for her hand as they stopped at a light.

“What’s going on with you, honey?”

His tone was worried and his eyes were boring intently into hers.

She gave him a half smile. “I’m having lunch with Kylie and Chessy. It’s time I stop with the grieving widow act every year on the same day. It’s been three years, Dash. He’s gone and he’s not coming back.”

She halted a moment, the pain of her statement momentarily stealing her breath. But it had to be said. To be acknowledged. And perhaps saying it aloud made it that much more real.

She could swear she saw relief flash in his deep brown eyes, but it was gone so quickly she was sure she imagined it.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come over after you have lunch with the girls?”

She shook her head. “No. It’s not necessary, Dash. You’ve babysat me for long enough. It’s time for me to stand on my own two feet. I’m sure it has to come as a relief to you that you don’t have to hover over me for fear I’ll lose it. I’m just sorry I’ve been such a burden to you for so long.”

This time a glint of anger flashed in those dark eyes. “You’re not a burden, damn it. Carson was my best friend, Joss. He—and you—mean a hell of a lot to me.”

She squeezed his hand as he accelerated after a car behind them honked angrily when Dash didn’t immediately go when the light turned green.

“And I appreciate that. I appreciate all you’ve done for me. But it’s time, Dash. I have to do this. He’s gone. I have to accept that.”

Dash didn’t respond. He directed his gaze forward, tension thick in the interior of the car. Had she angered him? She’d only been honest, and she’d sincerely thought he would be glad that he no longer had to treat her like a fragile piece of glass. That he could resume his own life without making her a priority in his.

When they arrived back at her house, she got out, as did Dash. He walked her to the door and she went in, turning back to tell him thank you and good-bye.

“This isn’t good-bye,” he said tightly. “Just because you think you no longer need me doesn’t mean I’m going to just disappear. Prepare yourself for that, Joss.”

With that, he spun on his heel and strode back down the sidewalk, leaving her staring open-mouthed as he drove away.

TWO

JOSS zipped into the parking lot of the Lux Café on Westheimer and parked her BMW roadster next to Kylie’s silver Mercedes coupe. The car had been a gift to Kylie from Carson on her twenty-first birthday, just one year before he’d been in the fatal car accident that had taken him from both his wife and his sister.

Carson and Joss had gone to Las Vegas frequently. Carson loved to gamble and he’d taught Joss how to play all manner of casino games. He’d even sharpened her poker skills enough that she’d become a formidable opponent at the tables. Carson had always chuckled when her winnings topped his own, though she refused to play at the same table as him because his competitive streak was such that he didn’t like to lose. Even to his wife.

Their favorite place to stay was the Venetian, where Joss had discovered the Lux Café and all the wonderful food on the menu. She’d been delighted when one had opened in Houston, and it had quickly become a favorite place for them and their friends to eat.

She hurried to the entrance, checking her watch with a grimace. Carson had always teased her about her lack of punctuality, and she was fifteen minutes late for her lunch date with Kylie and Chessy.

The two women were waiting inside when Joss rushed in. Joss’s gaze immediately settled on her sister-in-law. The anniversary of Carson’s death was as hard for her as it was for Joss because Carson was her only family. Joss had made the effort to make sure she and Kylie remained close after his passing. They’d clung to one another, both grief stricken over their loss.

Shadows were evident in Kylie’s eyes, but they brightened when she saw Joss and immediately went to hug her.

“How are you?” Kylie whispered.

Joss squeezed her and pulled away with a smile. “I’m okay.” And she meant it.

Then she turned to Chessy and pulled her into a hug.