Letting Go (Surrender Trilogy #1)(30)

She broke off, ashamed to voice what Kylie had suggested. She genuinely liked Tate, and she didn’t believe for a minute that he would abuse Chessy in any way. Things may not be perfect between them but there was no way Tate would ever hurt Chessy. Not physically.

“She worried what?” Dash demanded, concern replacing his frown.

“I shouldn’t say anything,” Joss said.

“It’s too late for that. Now what did Kylie say?”

Joss grimaced. “She worried that Tate was abusing Chessy. We had lunch together. You know that. And I don’t know, Dash. She just seems so unhappy lately. And if you bring Tate up, she clams up and gets this look on her face.”

Dash looked incredulous. “Kylie actually thinks Tate abuses her?”

“I don’t know,” Joss said honestly. “Kylie is . . . Well, you know how she is. You know what she and Carson both suffered. So it’s natural that she would jump to conclusions others wouldn’t.”

Dash shook his head. “No f**king way. The sun rises and sets at Chessy’s feet. Tate is crazy about her. If she’s not happy, there has to be another reason. Maybe they argued. Who knows?”

“Maybe,” Joss said. “I don’t think he abuses her either. Not for a minute. I like him. I like him a lot. And he’s so good to Chessy. I look at them and I feel so . . . envious. It shames me to admit that, but it’s true. I look at them and I want—crave—what they have.”

Dash reached out to stroke her cheek, feathering his thumb over her skin. “You’ll have it, Joss. All you have to do is reach out and take it. It’s yours. I’m yours. For as long as you’ll have me.”

She sucked in her breath. Yes, she knew he wanted her. He’d certainly been blunt enough about that. But he made it sound so . . . permanent. And she had no idea what to think about that.

She wasn’t looking for permanent. She didn’t want permanent. She’d found the love of a lifetime and lost it. She knew she’d never get that back. People just didn’t find perfection twice in a lifetime. Once was hard enough, but twice? Impossible.

She licked her lips, suddenly uncomfortable with the direction of her thoughts.

“What about you?” she asked huskily, returning the topic to them. “Have you ever shared the woman you’re with? Is that something you enjoy?”

“With the right woman, yes. I can’t say I’m lining up to do that with you, though. I’ve spent too long fantasizing about what it would be like to have you in my bed, under my control. There’s no way in hell I want to immediately jump into sharing you with anyone. I’m not saying never. If it’s something that turns you on and it’s something you want to explore at a later date, then we can cross that bridge when we get to it. For now? I’m more focused on you and me, specifically you. I’m a selfish bastard and I’m very possessive of what I consider mine. And Joss, you are mine.”

Her cheeks warmed again, but she couldn’t suppress the surge of pleasure that winged its way through her veins.

“I’m very okay with that,” she whispered.

He smiled. “That’s good. Now, let’s get back to your boundaries and my expectations.”

She immediately tuned in, anxious to hear what all this . . . arrangement . . . entailed.

“To start with, we’ll establish a safe word for you. It’s important that you only use it when you’re genuinely frightened, uncertain or if something hurts you. If anything I do ever hurts you I want to know about it immediately because it will never happen again. We clear?”

She nodded.

“In time I’ll know your limits even better than you,” he said in a confident tone that caused her heartbeat to speed up.

“And your expectations, Dash?” she prompted.

“It’s really simple,” he said. “By offering me the gift of your submission, you’re placing your care and well-being in my hands. I expect your obedience and your respect. Now, respect has to be earned. I get that. And I’ll earn it. Obedience, however, is taught, and I’ll teach you well. You’ll obey my instructions without question or hesitation. If you truly don’t understand a command, you’ve only to ask and I’ll explain. But don’t question just because you’re nervous or hesitant about complying with my wishes, because that will not please me.”

Her eyes widened. It surprised her how horrified she was over the idea of not pleasing him. She wanted to make him happy. She wanted him to be proud of her, to take pride in her. And she never wanted to do anything to shame him or make him regret their relationship.

Was it her natural submissiveness guiding the ship here? Had she always been this way and suppressed it because she didn’t understand it or realize what it was she wanted? Or perhaps she’d only recognized it when she’d come into contact with others in the lifestyle. They’d made her see what it was she was missing.

She licked her suddenly dry lips again. “Are there punishments involved? I know some Dominants . . . Well, I’ve heard that they punish their women if they disobey or displease them. Is that something you do?”

He smiled. “Many find punishments to be pleasurable. In many cases, punishment is in fact a reward. It sounds twisted and contradictory, but pain can be very erotic, as can control and authority. As to whether I enjoy punishments, the answer is yes. In certain situations.”