Just One Kiss (Fool's Gold #10)(67)

“I want you to be okay. Happy.”

“I am happy. Or I will be.” She drew back and shrugged. “Life is complicated.”

She didn’t mean life; she meant relationships. “Do you, uh, want to be with Gideon? You know, date him or something?”

“I don’t know. There was an attraction before. I would like to find out if that still exists and if it’s a precursor for other feelings or if we simply have a sexual connection.”

Justice winced. “Okay, so you’ll talk to him and find out, right? That’s easy.”

She smiled. “Right. Easy. You’re a lousy girlfriend.”

“Because this is where we talk endlessly about the same thing over and over again?”

“It helps. I understand that logically it shouldn’t. That repeating the same information without new input doesn’t resolve any issues, but I find the process comforting.” She shrugged. “It’s a girl thing. Something you’re going to have to get used to if you want to make your relationship with Patience a success.” She paused. “You do want that, don’t you?”

“Yes,” he said slowly. He pushed away his breakfast. “I want to, but I don’t know if I can.”

There were obstacles. Dangers. Some he couldn’t explain. He ached for her, and not simply in his bed. But could he risk being with her?

“Like you said, they’re so damned normal here,” he muttered.

“You’re normal, too.”

He glanced at her and raised his eyebrows.

“You are,” she insisted.

“All evidence to the contrary?”

“You’re not what you do for a living. I understand the male psyche likes to define itself through tasks, but you have to believe you are more than what you’ve accomplished.”

“I’m not talking about accomplishments. I’m talking about killing people, Felicia. I’m talking about being a danger to everyone around me.”

“You’re not Bart.”

She knew about his father—knew what he’d been through and what his father had done to him.

“You’ve left that behind you,” she added.

“I left the job, but I can’t change what’s inside.” That’s what he feared the most. The darkness. “Every now and then I get the feeling he’s still here.”

“He’s dead.”

“So they tell me.”

“Do you think they’re wrong? They identified him through dental records, Justice.”

“I’d be happier if it had been through DNA. There’s still a margin of error.” He looked at her. “I mean it, Felicia. I don’t think he’s here on a spiritual plain. Sometimes I swear he’s really here. Nearby. Watching. Right before I passed out in front of Brew-haha I saw him.”

“Are you sure?” she asked.

That was the hell of it, he thought. “No. I’m not sure.”

“Has it occurred to you that you’re sensing your father more lately because you’re ready to make changes in your life? You’re used to being the warrior and now you’re going to be a...” She paused as if searching for the word, then grinned triumphantly. “A regular Joe. That’s what you want and it makes you uncomfortable at the same time.” Her smile faded. “You’re the one who always told me that the only way to get over being afraid was to walk up to the fear and kick it in the balls.”

He managed a chuckle. “Yes, and usually you want to know why I think fear has a gender.”

“Justice, you have to believe in yourself. You have so much to offer.”

He knew she was right. The problem was, not all that he offered was good. If he couldn’t figure out a way to walk away from his past, he was a danger to everyone around him. He wouldn’t hurt Patience or her family for anything and if he thought he might, if there was the slightest chance he could, then walking away from her was the only option.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

PATIENCE WIPED DOWN the counter. It was ten-thirty and only a few people were in the store. Day five in the life of Brew-haha and all was going well.

There was a steady stream of customers from the moment she opened until around nine. Then things slowed until closer to lunch. There was another late-afternoon rush followed by a post-dinner surge. So far they’d had to toss people out at closing.

Just as exciting, the merchandise was selling well. Brew-haha mugs and aprons were moving briskly. She’d reordered both yesterday, and if sales kept up like this, she would have sold her projected numbers for an entire month in the first week.

She knew that some of the sales came from locals, and once they had their inventory, they wouldn’t bother to buy more anytime soon. However, she’d been keeping track and nearly sixty percent of the purchases were from tourists, which was a very happy piece of news. Because tourists were forever.

The front door opened and a tall, thin blonde walked in. Patience studied her for a second before remembering.

“Hi, Noelle,” she said. “Thanks for coming back.”

“I wanted to see how you were doing with your new store. I came by yesterday, but you were really busy.”

Patience held up her right hand with the first two fingers crossed. “So far things are going great. I’m happy.” She motioned to a quiet table by the window. “Do you have a second to stay?”