Jet (Marked Men #2)(65)

It took way more concentration than it should have to get the first leg into the tight denim.

“That doesn’t matter. I’m in a band. That language translates across all barriers.”

He shook his head at me and pushed up out of the recliner.

“What are you going to do about her until you leave? You do recall you live across the hall from her, right?”

I froze, because I hadn’t thought of that. If she brought someone home, some guy with a blazer and an attaché case, some guy with perfectly coifed hair and nerd glasses, some guy that was the opposite of me, there was a good chance the rage exploding out of me would burn the house to the ground, and all the relationships that lived inside, with it. Even if she didn’t bring anyone home, there was still bound to be an awful awkwardness between us that was enough to make me shiver. Throw in Cora’s big mouth and tendency to pick at any open wound for her own amusement, and the next few weeks would be a nightmare.

I knew Rowdy would let me crash on the couch for as long as I wanted, but I had no desire to watch his parade of his morning-after castoffs. Normally, I would have just posted up at the studio, but seeing it all broken and stripped down was too much for me to take right now. Nash and Rule didn’t have any room, and while I could couch surf from place to place with the guys in the band, I needed a solid home base to operate from until the replacement stuff for the tour was locked down. That meant I was just going to have to suck it up and face my gorgeous tormentor head-on, like a grown-up.

“I guess I’ll just deal with it.”

“You’re going to have to keep it in your pants. Cora won’t let you drag groupies home regardless of that fact that it was Ayd who called it quits. She’ll claim she’s just protecting her.”

I swore. “I’m not in the market for a horde of groupies right now.”

It was true. Anonymous sex with nameless and faceless girls had served its purpose in my life, but now I could see how hollow and shallow it was. Being on the receiving end of being used for a sexual outlet, and nothing more, gave me an entirely new appreciation for all the chicks I had mercilessly skated out on the morning after. It was the reason I had initially turned Ayden down for so long ago. Even then, I knew one night with her had the ability to ruin me.

“Jet, I’m going to tell you this because I really think the two of you have something that could be forever. When you find someone, someone who gets you, who understand you, it’s worth fighting for. The last thing you want to do is be five years down the road and look back and wonder what could have happened. Trust me, that kind of regret that kind of what-if, can gnaw on your soul until there is nothing left.”

I looked at him like I had never really seen him before. Rowdy was the fun one. He was the one who was always quick to suggest a bar or the after-party. He was the one who came equipped with a joke and easy smile. In all the years we had been friends, all the times we had drunkenly spilled our deepest and darkest secrets, he had never hinted at something like that in his past.

“Are you speaking from experience?”

He just stared back at me and shrugged. Clearly it wasn’t a subject he wanted to delve into deeper, which was probably a good thing, considering I still smelled like the inside of a whiskey bottle and my head pounded like a drum solo from a Slayer song.

“Look, dude, I get that your mom and dad gave you a messed-up idea of what a solid relationship looks like, and I know none of us are going to get gold stars in the monogamy and happy-ever-after department. But I think you can see meant-to-be when it’s staring you in the face.”

I knew that what he was saying to me had validity threaded through it, but I just couldn’t reconcile trying to be who Ayden figured she needed in order to be happy, with the guy I really was and planned on being forever. I just didn’t think there was any way for us to be together when she wouldn’t let me all the way in, and I couldn’t get the fire inside me all the way out. Not that together was an option for either of us anymore.

Chapter 13

One morning you just wake up and realize the way things have always been doesn’t mean that’s the way they have to always be. I was so used to being called a whore, a slut, white trash, and all the things that just went along with the life I was living, that it didn’t even occur to me until it was almost too late, that leaving the place where I was that girl would mean leaving all of that behind. From the minute I crossed the state line out of Kentucky, the Ayden that was lost and so accustomed to being used and using was gone. Normally, I don’t miss anything about her, but lately that hasn’t been the case.”

I was squeezing the coffee between my hands and staring into the dark liquid like it held all the answers to every question the universe had ever asked. I could feel Shaw’s bright gaze picking me apart and dissecting me, but so far she had kept her mouth shut and just let me talk. We were in the corner of a coffee shop down by the school, and I could tell by the stiff way she was sitting that she wasn’t exactly happy with me. I had called her in a panic yesterday and she had agreed to the outrageous favor I’d asked, with the one condition that I come clean about every sordid detail of why I was currently in the horrendous situation I was in.

“I never knew my dad and, frankly, I don’t think my mama really knew him either. We lived in a crappy trailer on the poorest side of town that really only has a poor side, and it wasn’t uncommon for her to bring strange men home, or for all of us to go without food or lights for long stretches of time. Now, looking back I understand that she did what she had to do to keep a roof over our heads, which could very well be why my brother, Asa, turned out the way he did. People aren’t people to him, they’re just a means to an end, and for a long time, I was his favorite pawn to get those ends to meet.”