Jet (Marked Men #2)(26)

She turned in a huff of spiky blond hair and fluffy pink, slamming the door behind her with enough force to make me grimace. I was just pissing off every important lady in my life lately and it was wearing me out. I shuffled back into my room and went to dig my phone out of my pants, which were in a pile on the floor. I tapped on Rowdy’s name and waited for three rings until he picked up.

“What’s going on?”

He was silent for a minute and when he spoke, I was surprised to hear the censure in his tone. “I don’t know. Why don’t you tell me?”

I sank down to sit on the edge of the bed and rubbed my forehead. “I f**ked up.”

He snorted. “Big-time. I’ve got the girl you’ve been pining for sleeping on my couch because you’re pissed off at your old man and acting like an idiot. You need to figure your crap out before you blow whatever shot you might’ve had with her. She had one foot out the door with that guy who dresses like a high school teacher, and I don’t think he even cared that she came back looking like someone had put it to her, twice.”

I swore softly under my breath and let his words ring in my head. I flopped back on the bed and stared at the dark ceiling.

“I don’t have any idea what I’m doing with her.”

“Messing shit up.”

“Besides that.”

“No one is perfect, Jet. We all have things that have happened, that are going to happen that make us who we are, and maybe you need to look past all the superficial stuff you see when you look at this girl and see what’s underneath.” I was starting to think that she had been right, that I didn’t know half of what I thought I did, but he went on.

“Yes, your dad turned your mom into a shadow of who she once was, and that sucks, but get over it. That doesn’t mean you can’t be in a relationship or that history has to repeat itself.”

“Dude, I don’t even think it’s like that between us. It’s just a lot of mutual attraction that finally reached a boiling point. My future and her future don’t really click.”

He muttered something I didn’t hear and then called me another name that made me grin, despite how awful I was feeling. “I seriously doubt she was thinking about your futures clicking when she was busy letting you sex her up in a backstage bathroom. She told me she has to work tomorrow at ten, so get your ass over here to pick her up and make this right. I thought you would have managed to figure it out on your own by now, but after that stunt tonight, I’m starting to wonder why we’re even friends.”

I snickered a little laugh and rubbed a knuckle between my eyes. “Because we’re idiots and no one else really wants to hang out with either of us.”

“Good point. Jet . . . ” I could hear the seriousness of his tone so I shut up. “I’m not letting you screw this girl over. I like her, she’s smart and sassy, plus she’s Shaw’s girl and I don’t want to deal with Rule if you make an even bigger mess of this. Get your head on right, or just let it go, but knock off the middle-of-the-road bullshit because honestly, dude, it’s pissing off more than just me.”

I didn’t have anything to say to that, so I told him “later” and tossed the phone on the stand next to my bed. I lay across the mattress sideways and crossed my hands on my chest and continued to watch the shadows on the ceiling.

Rowdy had a very valid point: I wasn’t my dad. I hated everything about the man, so I tried day in and day out to purposely make decisions that would lead me in the opposite direction from the road he walked. Part of that meant I didn’t allow room in my life for any one girl to get close. I dated, I slept around, and I crashed with girls who were easy to leave, easy to walk away from. I tried to pick ones who knew the rules so that when I left on tour or moved on, it was no big deal. I was twenty-five, successful, had an awesome group of friends, and more opportunities at my fingertips than I could count, and yet I had all of that alone. There was no one to share it with, no one to enjoy it all with, because I was always deathly afraid of what would happen if I let someone matter that much.

That night with Ayden, all those months ago, I think I knew.

I think even then, when we were still basically strangers, I knew that if I had gone into that apartment with her I wouldn’t have been able to just walk away, to just shake her loose and let her not matter. I think even then I recognized how important she could be to me and was absolute terrified by it. I could suddenly see myself starting to worry about my nonexistent financial portfolio or what tax bracket I was going to fall into, and that just wasn’t cool with me. She set me off balance and I didn’t like it at all.

I didn’t know if hooking up with Ayden for anything long-term was even something worth contemplating, but I did know that the idea of morphing into a stockbroker to make her happy wasn’t an option, not when I knew I was never going to sacrifice music and what I loved for any girl. I just didn’t know what to do with any of that from here, because after that kiss things clearly had to change.

Chapter 5

I hardly slept at all, even though Rowdy went out of his way to be a good host. He bundled me up in a pair of track pants that were way too long and way too big, and gave me a T-shirt with a logo on it from the tattoo shop where he worked. He gave me a soft blanket and a pillow for the couch, and even more helpfully, he gave me a shot of Jäger from the freezer and let me bitch about how pissed off at Jet I was for more than an hour without trying to defend him or justify his actions.