Jagged (Colorado Mountain #5)(68)

“That doesn’t seem fair,” I retorted, and I felt his big body start to shake with laughter.

“Baby, you just came twice, hard, told me you were comin’ apart the second time, and you’re bitchin’?”

That did seem ridiculous.

“Whatever,” I muttered.

At that, his body shook harder as his laughter filled the room.

My minor pique dissolved as I melted into him, smiling at him as he laughed.

When he was done, I noted, “All the awesomer you are got even more awesome, you vaulting over a bar for me.”

Ham turned his focus and smile back to me. “You really liked that, didn’t you?”

My smile faded and I pressed closer as I replied quietly, “Yes. I really liked it. I didn’t see it but just knowin’ you did it is beyond cool. But it’s knowin’ why that’s what I really liked. Got a lot of good people in my life, people who were there always but who kicked in when it mattered. But when it really mattered, when the hurt could get extreme, only two people put themselves between me and it. One, two days ago, got laid in the ground. The other is lyin’ in this bed with me right now.”

When I was done talking, Ham was no longer smiling. His arms were also no longer holding me. One had clinched tight. He brought his other hand to cup my cheek as his eyes went dark and bored into mine.

“Fuck, shit,” he whispered, his tone so jagged, if it wasn’t so beautiful, it would have shredded me.

His face, his voice, his eyes, his fierce hold, it all did a number on me, making my throat itch and my eyes sting.

But the moment was too beautiful to mess up by dissolving into tears.

So I said, “I just want you to know I understand that, but I need you to know how much I appreciate it.”

“Stop talking,” he ordered gruffly.

“Okay,” I whispered.

Ham’s eyes moved over my face as his thumb glided over my cheek. I let him do this for a bit before I dipped my chin and shoved my face in his throat.

“What you said about your ex-wife, those women,” I said softly there, “I get it. I get why you’d protect yourself from gettin’ hurt. Still sucks you had all this to give and no one to give it to. But that doesn’t mean I’m not grateful it got stored up over the years so you could give it all to me.”

“Zara, I said, stop talking,” he growled.

I shut up.

He slid his hand at my cheek, through my hair, and down my back where both hands started roaming.

I snuggled closer.

Eventually, Ham wrapped his arms around me to turn us so he could reach out and turn out the light. He kept hold of me as he located my toy and threw it on the nightstand and pulled the covers over us.

Then he settled on his back, me tucked close to his side, his fingers roaming the skin of my ass, my fingers sifting through the hair on his chest.

The air in the room was warm and heavy in a good way. I liked it. It didn’t feel suffocating. I felt safe. But no way either of us could sleep in that air. I knew it by the tension I could feel in Ham’s body and the same in mine.

So I moved to lighten the air.

“Any chance I’ll get you na**d on your knees with your hands clasped behind your head?” I asked.

“No f**kin’ way,” Ham answered and I smiled into his skin.

I knew it before I asked. Ham was sweet, kind, affectionate, and generous. But in bed, he was definitely in charge.

Still, I offered, “I’ll vault over a bar for you.”

“That’s not gonna happen. You got the upper-body strength of a girl,” he replied.

I lifted my head to look down at him through the shadows. “News just in, I am a girl, babe.”

“Thank f**k,” he muttered.

It was at that, I burst out laughing.

And that was the last sound either of us made before I settled back into my man and we both fell asleep.

Chapter Thirteen

He’s Beautiful

Two days later…

“Thinkin’ this is too soon, babe,” Ham said quietly.

“Shh,” I shushed him, my eyes out the side window of his truck.

We were parked outside Zander’s school. School had just let out, kids in private-school uniforms were streaming out the doors, and I was concentrating.

I had no idea what he looked like but I was certain I’d know him on sight.

“Cookie,” Ham called.

“Shh,” I shushed him again, this time adding waving my hand behind me.

Ham didn’t want to come and he’d explained why. He figured I’d have the strength to fight the fight but I’d also have the patience if Zander was an entity out there I knew existed and wanted to connect with. But if he became real, in other words, I saw him, that patience would vanish and Nina had told us this wasn’t exactly a quick process so we’d both need lots of it.

But it had been four days. Four days of knowing he wasn’t too far away. Four days of knowing he was out there, living with Aunt Wilona, breathing, eating, studying, doing kid shit.

Four very long days.

I couldn’t wait any longer.

So when I searched the Internet and found the name of the only private school in three counties, one close to where Aunt Wilona lived, I’d told Ham I was going. He told me it was too soon. I told him I was going even if he didn’t go with me. Ham explained why it was too soon. I told him that made sense, but I couldn’t wait any longer. Then I grabbed my purse and keys.