Intercepting Love (Second Chances #5)(58)
He turned off the camera and again it started right back up with a collection of other days. They were just snippets of us laughing together, me dancing and acting stupid, and some of when I was so engrossed in my studying that I didn’t notice he was filming me. It was all precious moments we shared as a couple when all I thought I had to worry about was passing my exams and finishing school.
“You looked so happy back then,” Cooper murmured in my ear. “I can tell you loved him.”
Smiling, I wiped my eyes and nodded. “I did. Does it bother you to watch this?”
Cooper held me tighter and kissed my forehead. “No, love, it doesn’t. I’m seeing a side of you I’ve never seen before. It’s amazing that he wanted to show you this so you’d know how much you meant to him.”
“It’s weird seeing us together like this. Things were so different back then; I was more carefree. You know, I never thought I would love anyone again after what happened to him. I didn’t want to let anyone get close and then lose them like that. It was a pain I don’t ever want to experience again.”
“And you won’t have to,” Cooper promised. “I’m not going anywhere unless you decide you don’t want me anymore.”
Gazing up at him, I smiled through my tears and wholeheartedly stated, “And that’s not going to happen.”
After about five more minutes of various clips, Scott came back on, only this time more serious … more intense. It was five months later than the original date when the video started. Scott’s cheeks had sunk in a little more and he had lost weight. It wasn’t much, but I could see it in his face and in his arms.
“Kate, you have no idea how hard it was to put this video together. The more I watched our time together, the angrier I started to become. I thought I could get through this without getting upset, but the more I see things, the more I don’t want to lose them. I didn’t want to have to tell you this, and for some reason I thought maybe this would all end up as a bad dream. That I would wake up one day and it would all be okay. You would finish up school, we’d get married and have kids, grow old and die together; except none of that’s going to happen for me.”
Taking a deep breath, he blew it out slowly and cleared his throat. “Kate, you know how you’ve been nagging me to go to the doctor because I’ve been sick? Well, I finally did a few months ago and had some tests done. It turns out that after all of this time of procrastinating, I sealed my own fate. If I would’ve gone sooner like you told me to, I might have had a fighting chance.”
Gasping, I moved closer to the television, never taking my gaze away from Scott. What was he saying?
“I’m dying, Kate. I have gastric cancer and it’s already spread. The doctors say I only have a few weeks left, but if I start chemo I can probably prolong it for another month, maybe even a few months.” Biting his lip, he closed his eyes and squeezed them tight, not looking at the camera when he spoke his next words.
“I know you’re going to kill me, but I denied the treatment. Why would I want to spend the last few weeks of my life sick and weak from chemo? I’m already in enough pain as it is, and thankfully, the doctors have given me some pain meds to help the discomfort in my stomach. It’s been so f*cking hard to keep this to myself, but I know I must. Please forgive me, Kate. I knew that if I told you it would draw attention away from your studies, and the last thing I want you to do is worry about me when you’re trying to get your medical degree. Deep down I want to be selfish and just tell you so that you’ll spend every last waking moment with me. I don’t want to die alone, and I know you’ve been getting frustrated with me because you think I’ve been pulling away. Trust me, it’s the last thing I want to do, but I’ve had no choice. It’s hard pretending that I’m fine when I’m dying on the inside.”
Covering his face with his hands, his shoulders started to shake as he sobbed silently. I cried along with him while Cooper held me tight.
“I thought he was cheating on me,” I said softly. “When we stopped making love, I thought it was because he wasn’t interested in me anymore. I had no clue it was because he was in so much pain. I engrossed myself more into my studies and tried to overlook his aloofness, but I should’ve paid more attention to him instead of being too scared to find out the truth. I wish I was there for him toward the end.”
Cooper put his hand on my cheek and turned me to face him. “He didn’t give you the chance to be there for him. You would’ve given up everything to be with him and he didn’t want that. He was looking out for you, love.”
The camera shut off and then started up one last time with the date of record being the day before I found him dead. It was the hardest part of the video to watch because I knew without a doubt that after his final words it would be the moment he decided to take his life. He was wearing the same red T-shirt and jeans that I found him in on the morning of his death.
His eyes were tired and weak; his face pale and drawn. It was amazing how sickly he looked and I didn’t even notice it back then. I loved him more than anything, but I was blind. I wanted to see him the way I’d always seen him, and I failed to acknowledge that something was completely wrong.
“Kate,” he whispered hoarsely. “My time has come, darling. I can feel my life holding on by a thread. This will be the last time I get to speak to you, and I want you to know how proud of you I am. Whatever you do, please don’t hate me when you watch this. You have to know that I wanted to preserve my life for as long as I could and still maintain some sort of normalcy. I wasn’t supposed to live as long as I have, but I honestly believe that being with you gave me that extra time. I wrote you a letter, and of course, I couldn’t say all of the things I wanted to, but that’s why I did this video. I’m going to miss you so much. The thought of leaving you behind is the one thing that keeps me here, but the reality is that I have no choice. It’s the end for me, and the beginning for you. Follow your dreams, Kate.”