In The Afterlight (The Darkest Minds #3)(44)

Chubs let out a long breath and tucked me into his arms, giving me his usual awkward-but-caring pats. I pressed my hands against his back, holding him tighter, remembering the rush of elation I’d felt when I’d seen him for the first time in months and finally known that he’d survived. The texture of the memory had changed, becoming like a fading sunbeam. He wasn’t saying any of this to be accusatory or cruel; he just wanted us to be safe and together, but he wasn’t thinking that far into the future. Chubs’s whole focus was on our little circle, but mine couldn’t be, not anymore. I had fight against that instinct and consider everyone.

“He’s just one person, I know, but he’s our person,” he said, like he’d read my thoughts. “And, the truth is, I think we need to be focused on Zu. We have to try to get the full story out of her about what happened to that guy she was traveling with. I don’t think it’s going to be as simple as waiting until she’s ready to talk about it.”

I nodded, leaning back against the wall, watching her as she sat between Hina and Lucy. Her eyes were focused on the floor, her hands folded neatly in her lap, her legs tucked under her.

“It wasn’t a mistake to bring them here, was it?” I asked. “The young ones? I won’t let them fight, but I can’t shake the feeling that this is going to hurt them in ways I can’t see yet.”

“We can’t protect them from this, not if we’re determined to give them a choice. That’s what this is really about, isn’t it? Giving them and the next wave of kids a shot at a better life than what we had. To come out of hiding.”

Yes—that was it exactly. The freedom that came hand-in-hand with being able to make choices about our lives once our abilities were gone. The freedom to live where we wanted to, with whomever we wanted to, and to not be scared of every passing shadow. For kids not to grow up with the fear that one day they might not wake from their sleep, or that they’d blink out like a light bulb in the middle of an otherwise normal day.

I knew, just as Cole did, that the only way we were going to come out of the other side of this successfully was through force. A real fight. But the cost...I looked around again, taking in the sight of their animated faces, and tried to absorb their faint chatter and laughter to ease the grip of fear around my ribs. I couldn’t have both, could I? I couldn’t get my battle without acknowledging that there was a damn decent chance that not all of these kids would live to benefit from winning.

“I want it so bad, Ruby. I want to go home, see my parents, and walk around my neighborhood in broad daylight. I want to go to school, so even if they hold my abilities over me, they can’t deny me things because I’m not educated. That’s enough for me. I know it’s not going to be easy, and I know I’m going to be lucky to make it through alive, but it’s worth it, if I can just have that.” Chubs was quiet for a moment before saying, quietly, “Everything will be worth it, and we’re going to be around to see it.”

“That’s not very Team Reality of you.”

His smile matched mine. “Screw Team Reality—I’m leaving to join Team Sanity.”

An hour later, Liam and the others appeared at the entrance to the tunnel, each dragging in a large cardboard box or plastic tub. Their voices carried down the long pathway, bubbling over with excitement. Clearly they didn’t know what was waiting for them at the other end.

Liam appeared first, his face and hands covered in a fine layer of dust, his hair hopelessly mussed by the growling windstorm outside. The sight of him, tousled and laughing and looking so happy, made me forget why I’d been so angry in the first place.

It didn’t have the same effect on his brother.

Cole was on his feet, bracing his shoulder against the wall to the right of the entrance. He hadn’t said a word, but his breathing had grown harsher over the last hour. Even with his arms crossed over his chest, he couldn’t hide the way his fingers on his right hand were convulsing every few minutes. It was one spark away from explosion, I saw that clear enough.

And still, I wasn’t fast enough jumping up to my feet.

Liam had a half second of joy to see me sitting there, and then Cole had him. His arm shot out, gripping him by the front of his shirt and whirling him around to slam him up against the wall. The box in Liam’s hands crashed to the ground, sending the cans and bags inside skidding in every direction. A bright red box of Lucky Charms cereal slid right over to me, stopping just short of my feet.

“Jesus Christ—” Liam choked out, but Cole was already hauling him away, into Alban’s old office. I caught the door before it was kicked shut in my face. Liam was practically thrown into the large, scuffed desk.

“What the hell is your problem?” Liam gasped, still winded. Cole had a few inches on his brother, but Liam’s anger seemed to stretch his spine and even out the difference. They never looked more alike than they did right then, seconds away from ripping each other’s heads off.

“My ‘problem’? Try finding out a kid’s gone out to get himself and two other kids killed! Are you really that stupid?” Cole rounded on him, cutting a furious hand through the air. “I hope it was worth it. I hope you got to feel good about pretending to be a hero again, because you just jeopardized the whole operation! Someone could have followed you back to us—someone could be monitoring the building right now!”