In Her Wake (Ten Tiny Breaths 0.5)(15)

“You know.” No. He doesn’t. No one does, really.

“Well, I can tell you one thing for sure: it was one hell of a wake-up call for a lot of people around here. The newspapers were all over that story. Hey, what ever happened to that girl? The one who made it out?”

I shift in my seat, suddenly uncomfortable. “She’s alive, the last I heard, but that’s all I know. She won’t let anyone near her.”

“Yeah, that must have f**ked her up bad. I saw the pictures of the car.” He clears his throat roughly.

We shift back into idle chatter as a few of Rich’s old friends swing by. Guys I don’t know, who don’t know me, thankfully. They’re football junkies. We talk about the coming NFL season and some dumb trades made by franchises. Nothing important. I mostly sit and listen, not interested in participating but less interested in sitting in my apartment alone. Though I’m beginning to hope that Rich will crash here tonight, seeing as he’s going beer-for-beer with me.

Funny. I never really noticed that kind of thing before.

When the girl that Rich has been seeing shows up with her friend, I give them an obligatory smile and shift over in the booth to make room. By their infectious giggles and the way the girl mauls Rich’s face, I’d say they’ve been enjoying a few drinks somewhere else tonight.

“Hey, I’m Monika.” Sparkly-painted nails catch my eye as she holds out her hand. “Cole.”

She bats her lashes as she tests my name out on her tongue. “Cole . . . I like that name.”

That makes one of us.

“Do you go to school here?”

“Does he go to school here? Don’t you know this is Cole Reynolds, tight end for the Spartans?” Rich bellows, his girlfriend now perched on his lap.

Not anymore. “Shut it.” I manage a half-smile as I toss a coaster at him. But I’m also holding my breath, waiting for this girl to recognize my name, to bring the accident up.

After a few long seconds, when she does nothing but giggle, I release it and let my body melt back into the bench. Maybe this is all I need. A few pints, a night out with a friend, some laughs. Maybe this will be the night that kick-starts my new life without my best friends.

■ ■ ■

What the f**k have I done?

I was drunk, but I remember every step that led to having this blond lying in my bed, tangled up in my sheets, leaving me buck naked and stretched out next to her. It wasn’t because I thought she was particularly attractive. I just didn’t want to be alone and she was convenient.

And more than willing.

I don’t think I was even nice to her. What the hell is her name?

I stare out the window at the overcast sky, trying to dull the pounding ache between my eyes with thoughts of a red-haired girl. Wondering how she is.

Wondering if she feels like I do right now, like she’ll never be free of that night. She must feel it. She’s the only one who possibly could.

Maybe it’s time I found out.

Chapter 7

As big as Grand Rapids is—almost twice the size of Lansing—I’ve never had any reason to visit the city before. As I face her door, a bunch of flowers gripped within my sweaty, shaking hands, I acknowledge that I still have no valid reason.

It wasn’t that hard to find Kacey Cleary. It took visits to two hospitals and several inquiries, but finally I got a room number. I’m not sure what that says about our privacy laws, but right now I’m thankful for the nurse who doesn’t seem to respect them.

With cautious steps, I close the distance, the taste of bile sitting in the back of my throat. I never used to hate hospitals. Now, that sterile smell overwhelms me, and each gurney that rolls by causes my back to tense.

I’m ready to turn around and run. What am I going to see behind that glass? Three months later, she’s still here. Can she even get up? Is her body trapped in casting and a Frankenstein metal contraption?

Whatever athletic figure she had pre-accident must have wasted away by now. Is she a pile of skin and bones? Enough muscle to simply function and nothing more?

And that pretty face of hers . . . is she disfigured now?

I’m ten feet away and I can’t will myself closer to the deeper, harsher stage of reality that I have yet to face. What will I even say?

Hi, I’m Cole. I was the guy who couldn’t just not drink for a night, who didn’t uphold his end of the deal to drive his friends home.

Hi, I’m the dumb ass who handed the driver his keys, enabling him to kill your loved ones.

Hi. You’re here because of me.

More than likely, I’ll just step into her room and stand there, staring at her like an idiot, because there is nothing that I can say to make this better. In fact, I’ll probably only make today even worse for her than it already is. I certainly won’t get what I was coming here for. Why did I come again? Did I think this would somehow alleviate my guilt?

I still can’t will myself forward.

When the door suddenly opens, my stomach drops. A girl with raven black hair steps out. I recognize her immediately. Kacey’s little sister, Olivia, who goes by “Livie.”

She’s crying.

All she has to do is look up and she’ll see me. Will she know who I am?

She doesn’t look up though. She simply rubs the tears away with the palm of her hand and then walks past, leaving me now dreading what’s behind that door even more.