Illuminae (The Illuminae Files #1)(21)
——-CONNECTION TERMINATED——-
Subject: wondering
Date: 07/25/75
Text:
I wonder how my mom knew my dad was the guy for her.
Why didn’t I ever think to ask that?
ByteMe: U there, you tragic, tragic creature?
Mason, E, LT 2nd: Always :p
ByteMe: All ok your end?
Mason, E, LT 2nd: They got me on scrub duty and VR flight sim. Bored brainless and slightly sweaty
Mason, E, LT 2nd: Am i turning u on?
ByteMe: Ez, u do not want to start another fight.
Mason, E, LT 2nd: I’m just trying to make you smile. You should do it more often. Did u get the flower?
ByteMe: Yes. Just … come on, Ez. U made ur position clear. not going to embarrass myself now.
Mason, E, LT 2nd: Did u smile?
ByteMe: yes
Mason, E, LT 2nd: pls excuse me a moment while i do a small victory dance around the room
Mason, E, LT 2nd: k back
ByteMe: this was a terrible idea. I think I miss u more now than when i wasn’t talking to u.
Mason, E, LT 2nd: So this must mean you’re not still mad at me. Amazing what six months and a few thousand kms of vacuum will do to make the heart grow fonder
ByteMe: and terrifying danger, don’t forget that
ByteMe: but Ez u are the one who didn’t want to be with me, not vice versa. I’m just the one who said the words.
Mason, E, LT 2nd: You wanted to go offworld. I didn’t want to hold you back. That means I CARED, not that I didn’t.
ByteMe: u could have come
ByteMe: and now here u are, but it’s not b/c you want to be. it’s b/c I’m more interesting than a ship full of sweaty soldiers
Mason, E, LT 2nd: Im not sure u appreciate the dire peril i placed myself in to have this conversation Kades
ByteMe: i think i quite like the idea of you in dire peril. do go on. details?
Mason, E, LT 2nd: I stayed up half the night making your ASCII flower just so you’d talk to me again. That knowledge in the hands of certain Alexander crew members would have … unpleasant consequences
ByteMe: ur courting behavior was always ridiculous
Mason, E, LT 2nd: Hey, don’t knock it if it works :)
ByteMe: not that we r courting. aughdeletedelete
ByteMe: u should probably rest in case we come under attack from that ship that is nowhere near us, u know.
Mason, E, LT 2nd: Lincoln might be closer than u think. We had to reaccelerate without main drives once command shut down the AI at Kerenza VII.
ByteMe: then WHY aren’t we getting it back online? not knowing anything is terrifying.
Mason, E, LT 2nd: see previous *shrug* about me just flying the cyclones
Mason, E, LT 2nd: I guess they’ll bring it back online once we’re safer with it than without it
ByteMe: guess so. Coming up on 7 mins. talk again soon?
Mason, E, LT 2nd: not too soon. You don’t want me to start thinking you’ve forgiven me or anything
ByteMe: wouldn’t want that, you’ll get ideas ;)
Mason, E, LT 2nd: cya
Mason, E, LT 2nd: oh say hey to your mom for me
——-CONNECTION TERMINATED——-
ByteMe: what kind of voltage do you think it takes to kill the average human?
CitB: dare i ask?
ByteMe: trying to splice my deck into Hypatia’s virtual grid. jack their processor speed
CitB: take it from ur elder. Can’t brute force this. u need work done on the Alexander end
ByteMe: brace urself for this but i am not on the Alexander end so i will have to try and wire from here
CitB: do i really have to point out the obvious?
ByteMe: i am not dragging him into this they’ll shoot him. info is one thing this is another
CitB: then what the f*ck are you cultivating him for if no info and no wiring?
ByteMe: it’s not like that
CitB: it’s special
ByteMe: bite me
CitB: there’s a lot on the line here. u have to find a way to get him to unlock for you from his end
ByteMe: he wouldn’t know how
CitB: then teach
CitB: stakes are high. If ur not chasing him for this then why
ByteMe: none of your business
CitB: stay on task, grasshopper. we let the Alexander burn us out of the sky, your red hot love will be subsumed by a bigger, hotter flame
ByteMe: how do you even function in society?
CitB: it’s a struggle
Date: 07/25/75
Text: Without a compass
Today, said our poor, beleaguered counselor, We Are Going To Try Something New. We are going to focus on the fact that despite our personal losses, Life Goes On, and There Is Still A Future.
Frankly, I think whether or not we get a future is still hanging in the balance, but I figured expressing that opinion wasn’t going to add much to the session, so I stuck to Being A Surly Teen. (Huh, the Inappropriate Caps are catching.)
The present is my problem, right now. My brain won’t stop buzzing, scrambling, trying to hook on to something that will tell me which way is up. I lie strapped into my bunk at night, and it all presses in on me. The bed’s so narrow, the blanket smells like the huge laundries they have here, and it itches, and I’m so not at home.
Nothing’s where it’s supposed to be, and without my north, how do I know what to do?
My throat closes when I think about it, and a part of me wants to crawl under the covers and stay there. Wait for someone to tell me what to do. Wait for a grown up. But nobody’s coming.