Illuminae (The Illuminae Files #1)(11)
PILOT IDENT: Eli Hawking (UTN-912-842ad)
RANK: Major
CALLSIGN: Prophet
FLIGHT GROUP: Echo
PILOT IDENT: Zhenya Alvaranga (UTN-945-817ad)
RANK: First Lieutenant
CALLSIGN: Dreadnought
FLIGHT GROUP: Echo
PILOT IDENT: Ezra Mason (UTN-966-330ad)
RANK: Second Lieutenant
CALLSIGN: N/A
——LIST INCOMPLETE——
——ACCESS INTERRUPTED——-
I’ve tried writing this email ten times already and I can’t get it right, so I’m just going to send this through, whatever it ends up saying.
I’m sorry I didn’t write you back. I should have. I mean, when you say “I’m never going to speak to you again,” you don’t think your planet’s going to be invaded that afternoon. It was more, you know, an opening position on negotiations. I was angry.
But you said in your email maybe the universe was telling us it wasn’t going to work out. You’re the most romantic idiot I know, so I guess if you think so, it must be true. That stung, but still, I’m sorry I didn’t write back. Because yeah, I should have let you know I was okay.
I’m still on the Hypatia, I’m in intel training. Since I heard about the Copernicus, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you—this is not me retracting my promise to kick you into the soprano range if you ever come near me again, but I had to check you’re okay. So, let me know if you’re okay, then we can go back to being … whatever we are now.
Kady
Mason, E, LT 2nd: well played, McNulty. well played, indeed
McNulty, J, Sgt: wut
Mason, E, LT 2nd: You have just overstepped the line, chum. I put you on notice
McNulty, J, Sgt: this my wtf face—-> ?_?
Mason, E, LT 2nd: What I want to know is how you jacked her User ID. You pull in Dorian from commtechs to help? What did you do to convince him to help? Blowjob?
McNulty, J, Sgt: r u dusted or sumthing
Mason, E, LT 2nd: I thought the chipheads would have their hands full trying to figure out what made AIDAN go all HAL on us, instead, they’re piggybacking secure IDs and helping you f*ck with my head. I didn’t think your blow jobs were that good
McNulty, J, Sgt: chum wtf u talkin bout
Mason, E, LT 2nd: I take this as a declaration of war. Presuming they don’t line me up against a bulkhead and shoot me after my court martial tomorrow, I will be making sweet, sweet love to your sister by week’s end. This I do solemnly vow
McNulty, J, Sgt: ezra don’t joke about my sister I f*cking warned u
Mason, E, LT 2nd: sweet
McNulty, J, Sgt: chum …
Mason, E, LT 2nd: sweet
McNulty, J, Sgt: mason …
Mason, E, LT 2nd: lurrrrrrve
McNulty, J, Sgt: DON’T JOKE ABOUT MY FUCKING SISTERCOCKSUCKER I WILL RIP OFF UR FUCKING SQUIB AND JAM IT UP YOUR FUCKING ASS
Mason, E, LT 2nd: I LIKED THIS GIRL. I TOLD U THAT. I MAY NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO WALKSTRAIGHT AT THE TIME BUT YOU SAID IT WAS IN THE VAULT
McNulty, J, Sgt: WUT GIRL U CRAYZ FUCK
Mason, E, LT 2nd: KADY GRANT
McNulty, J, Sgt: … who?
Mason, E, LT 2nd: oh you don’t know, f*ck you chum, this is some pistols at dawn shit right here
McNulty, J, Sgt: mason I have NO FUCKING IDEA wut u r talking bout rite now
Mason, E, LT 2nd: so you didn’t send this message
McNulty, J, Sgt: WUT MESSAGE
Mason, E, LT 2nd: I send u
Mason, E, LT 2nd: got?
McNulty, J, Sgt: roger that
Mason, E, LT 2nd: and?
McNulty, J, Sgt: READING FUCK
Mason, E, LT 2nd: *taps fingers*
Mason, E, LT 2nd: Fuck me how long it take you to read you illiterate f*ck
Mason, E, LT 2nd: I heard your sister likes it zero gee true/false?
McNulty, J, Sgt: chum this wasn’t me
Mason, E, LT 2nd: i smell lies
McNulty, J, Sgt: srsly
Mason, E, LT 2nd: eat a dick
McNulty, J, Sgt: MASON
Mason, E, LT 2nd: Yummy scrummy dick
McNulty, J, Sgt: LOOK AT THIS WRITING I DO NOT WRITE LIKE THIS SHE GOT ALL PUNCTUATIONS AND THINGS
Mason, E, LT 2nd: if you are lying, all jokes aside, i will totally gun for your sister
Mason, E, LT 2nd: I swear to god I will make her my bride
Mason, E, LT 2nd: … although now you mention it, your punctuation is f*cking ungodly. …
McNulty, J, Sgt: “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you”
McNulty, J, Sgt: CHum
McNulty, J, Sgt: You are IN
Mason, E, LT 2nd: …
McNulty, J, Sgt: PICKING CURTAINS
McNulty, J, Sgt: MEETING PARENTS
McNulty, J, Sgt: MAKING PUPPIES
McNulty, J, Sgt: wait didn’t u say this fem rolled u up and smoked u
Mason, E, LT 2nd: ripped my heart out my chest
Mason, E, LT 2nd: Showed it to me, still beating
Mason, E, LT 2nd: then slam-dunked it off the ice shelf
McNulty, J, Sgt: she get good air?
Mason, E, LT 2nd: f*ck you chum
McNulty, J, Sgt: cheer up, bitch. She wouldn’t have written if her loins did not ache for thee
Mason, E, LT 2nd: can u read? She threatening to kick me in the sopranos. She says it’s over.
McNulty, J, Sgt: “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you”