I Love How You Love Me (The Sullivans #13)(64)

He didn’t want to spook her any more than she already was, so he made himself stay where he was rather than go after her. “That’s good, isn’t it? That we both want the same thing?”

“No.” She shook her head, frantic now. “How can it be good to feel so totally out of control with my body, my heart, my head, whenever I’m with you? Whenever I even think about you? How can it be good that I fall deeper and deeper for you every single moment? How can it be good that your family already feels like mine and Mason’s? How can it be good that I want to lean on you for everything? For comfort? For pleasure? For safety?” But she didn’t let him answer any of her questions, just zoomed ahead into more. “I was finally—finally!—feeling in control of my life again. And then you showed up, standing out in front of your boathouse looking gorgeous and perfect and reaching for Mason like you’d simply been waiting for the two of us to walk into your life.”

He knew it might be the wrong thing to say to her right now, but anything else would be a lie. “I was waiting for you. For both of you. I’ve always been happy. Always loved my life. My family. But I knew there was a missing piece out there, a love and a family of my own, like my parents have with each other and me and my brothers and Mia. I knew I would find it one day, and then, suddenly, there you were. The missing pieces, right there in front of me. I fell in love with both of you that day, and every day since has only confirmed what I knew to be true in that first moment. You’re mine, Grace. Both of you.” He reached for her. “I want to be yours, too.”

For a moment, as she looked into his eyes, he thought she would move into his arms and give him everything he wanted: her love.

But then her face was crumpling all over again, and she was moving back. Away from him, rather than closer. “I missed you when you were gone. Not just on this trip when you were racing, but after that first day we met in your boathouse, when you left to ferry the boat up north. Can’t you see how screwed up that is, that I already missed you so much already when I hardly knew you?”

“I missed you, too, Grace. Missed Mason. What’s wrong with that?”

“Everything! Everything is wrong with it. Of everyone in your family, you’re the free one, Dylan. You’re the one who has never been pinned down by anyone or anything. And no one has ever made the mistake of trying. Not when they knew that it would hurt you. What about when you want to go sailing or racing on a day I can’t bear to let you go? What if you know I’ll miss you too much so you turn down the chance and don’t take the trip to the one place you’ve been waiting to see? You’ll hate me for stealing your freedom.”

“Never. I would never hate you. You’re right that I’ve always been free to do whatever I want, to go wherever I want, to live life as an adventure. Now I want to live those adventures with you and Mason.”

For a moment he thought she might let herself believe that what he was saying was really true, but then she shook her head. “I’ve seen how determined you are, the way you manage to move heaven and earth to turn your dreams into reality. And you’ll never know how much I admire you for it. Or how much I wish I could be like you. But I’ve only just started to get my life back together. And I’ve got a baby to take care of, to find a playgroup for, to enroll into preschool soon. What if I let you give up your freedom for us and then the land starts closing in around you? What if you plan a trip, a badly needed sail so that you can reconnect with who you really are, and then it turns out you can’t go because you have to be here for something with Mason? Then you’ll resent us both.”

“Grace—”

“Mason and I are just starting to set down roots. Roots we desperately need. Roots I would never forgive myself for if all they did was bind you up.”

“The only thing I would ever resent,” he told her, “the only thing that would ever make me upset, is losing you. Losing Mason. I’m ready for this, ready for change, ready to learn how to operate as three instead of just one.” He prayed his heartfelt words were getting through as he said, “Being with you, having a child—or, hopefully, more than one—doesn’t mean I’ll never get out on the water again. Of course I will. With my wife. My son. A daughter, too, if we’re lucky.”

“You don’t even know if I can sail,” she protested. “Maybe I’ll only get in the way out on the water.”

“I’ve seen you navigate meeting my family. And today, the way you dealt so bravely, so brilliantly, with your ex. You’ll be a natural out on the water, Grace. Mason will, too.” He reached for her, pressed her hands to his chest, right over his heart. “Give us a chance to figure all this out together as a team.”

“I wasn’t supposed to fall for you.” Tears were spilling down her cheeks. “It was just supposed to be me and Mason. I planned to do anything, everything, I could to keep him safe. But then you came into our lives and turned everything upside down so fast. Too fast.”

Dylan knew why she was reeling, understood that her ex appearing out of the blue combined with thinking she might be pregnant again had dragged up all of her fears, all of her worries, all of her trust issues. Especially when she already felt as though her feelings for him were spiraling out of her control.

But just because he understood didn’t mean he wasn’t beyond frustrated. He wished he could just keep talking to her until he’d convinced her to see things his way. But all he could do, for tonight at least, was draw her into his arms and hold her for as long as she would let him.