Hopeless (Hopeless #1)(79)
“Can you do me a favor?”
“Of course, babe,” he says sincerely.
I slide my hand through his, then bring it up to my mouth. I lightly kiss his palm, then rest it against my cheek. “I know you’re worried about me. But if what’s happening in my life is causing you to feel uncomfortable about being attracted to me to the point that you can’t even look at me when I’m half-naked, it’ll break my heart. You’re the only person I have left, Holder. Please don’t treat me differently.”
He looks at me knowingly, then pulls his hand away from my cheek. His eyes drop to my lips, and a small grin plays at the corner of his mouth. “You’re giving me the go-ahead to admit that I still want you, even though your life has turned to shit?”
I nod. “Knowing you still want me is more of a necessity now than it was before my life turned to shit.”
He smiles, then drops his lips to mine, sweeping his hand across my waist and around to my lower back. His other hand is planted firmly on the back of my head, guiding it as he kisses me deeply. His kiss is exactly what I need right now. It’s the only thing that could possibly feel good in a world full of nothing but bad.
“I really need to shower,” he says between kisses. “But now that I have the go ahead to still treat you the same?” He grabs my ass and pulls me against him. “Don’t fall asleep while I’m in there, because when I get out, I want to show you just how incredible I think you look right now.”
“Good,” I whisper against his mouth. He releases me, then walks to the bathroom. I lay down on the bed just as the water kicks on.
I attempt to watch TV for a while since I never have the opportunity, but nothing can hold my attention. It’s been such a grueling twenty-four hours, the sun is already up and we haven’t even gone to bed yet. I shut the blinds and curtains, then crawl back into bed and throw a pillow over my eyes. As soon as I begin to welcome sleep, I feel Holder crawl into bed behind me. He slides one arm under my pillow and one over my side. I can feel his warm chest pressed against my back and the strength of his arms around me. He slides his hands through mine and kisses me lightly on the back of the head.
“I live you,” I whisper to him.
He kisses my head again and sighs into my hair. “I don’t think I live you back anymore. I’m pretty sure I’ve moved beyond that. Actually, I’m positive I’ve moved beyond that, but I’m still not ready to say it to you. When I say it, I want it to be separate from this day. I don’t want you to remember it like this.”
I pull his hand to my mouth and kiss it softly. “Me, too.”
And once again in my new world full of heartache and lies, this hopeless boy somehow finds a way to make me smile.
Sunday, October 28th, 2012 5:15 p.m.
We sleep through breakfast and lunch. By the time afternoon hits and Holder walks in with food, I’m starving. It’s been over twenty-four hours since I’ve eaten anything. He pulls two chairs up to the desk and takes the items and drinks out of the sacks. He brought me the same thing I requested after the art showing last night, but that we never actually got around to ordering. I remove the lid from the chocolate shake and down a huge drink, then take the wrapper off my burger. When I do, a small square piece of paper falls out and lands on the table. I pick it up and read it.
Just because you don’t have a phone anymore and your life is crazy dramatic, I still don’t want your ego exploding. You looked really homely in your t-shirt and panties. I really hope you buy yourself some footed pajamas today so I don’t have to look at your chicken legs again all night.
When I set the note down and look at him, he’s grinning at me. His dimples are so adorable; I actually lean over and lick one this time.
“What was that?” he laughs.
I take a bite of my burger and shrug. “I’ve been wanting to do that since the day I saw you in the grocery store.”
His smile turns smug and he leans back in his chair. “You wanted to lick my face the first time you saw me? Is that usually what you do when you’re attracted to guys?”
I shake my head. “Not your face, your dimple. And no. You’re the only guy I’ve ever had the urge to lick.”
He smiles at me confidently. “Good. Because you’re the only girl I’ve ever had the urge to love.”
Holy shit. He didn’t directly say he loves me, but hearing that word come out of his mouth makes my heart swell in my chest. I take a bite of my burger to hide my smile and let his sentence linger in the air. I’m not ready for it to leave just yet.
We both quietly finish our food. I stand up and clear off the table, then walk to the bed and slip my shoes on.
“Where you headed?” He’s watching me tighten the laces on my shoes. I don’t answer him right away because I’m not sure where it is I’m going. I just want to get out of this hotel room. When my shoes are tied, I stand up and walk to him, then wrap my arms around him.
“I want to go for a walk,” I say. “And I want you to go with me. I’m ready to start asking questions.”
He kisses my forehead then reaches to the table and grabs the room key. “Then let’s go.” He reaches down and laces my fingers through his.
Our hotel isn’t near any parks or walking trails, so instead we just head to the courtyard. There are several cabanas lining the pool, all of them empty. He leads me to one of them. We sit and I lean my head against his shoulder, looking out over the pool. It’s October, but the weather is pretty mild. I pull my arms through the sleeves of my shirt and hug myself, snuggling against him.