Hopeless (Hopeless #1)(74)
He squeezes the back of his neck and looks down at the ground. I don’t like the nervousness seeping from him right now. I can tell by the way he’s reacting that he isn’t finished with the confessions.
“Sky, there’s so much I still need to explain to you.” He brings his eyes back up to meet mine. “Your birthday wasn’t in September. Your birthday is May 7th. You don’t even turn eighteen for six more months. And Karen?” He takes a step toward me, grabbing both of my hands. “She has to know, Sky. She has to. Think about it. Who else could have done this?”
I immediately pull my hands from his and back away. I know this has more than likely been torture for him, keeping this secret to himself. I can see in his eyes that it’s agonizing for him having to tell me all of this. But I’ve been giving him the benefit of the doubt since the moment I met him, and any sorrow I felt for him has just been negated by the fact that he’s now attempting to tell me that my own mother was somehow involved.
“Take me home,” I demand. “I don’t want to hear anything else. I don’t want to know anything else tonight.”
He tries to take my hands again, but I slap them away. “TAKE ME HOME!” I scream. I begin walking back to the car. I’ve heard enough. I need my mom. I just need to see her and hug her and know that I’m not completely alone in this, because that’s exactly how I feel right now.
I reach the fence before Holder does and I try to pull myself up, but I can’t. My hands and arms are trembling and weak. I’m still attempting it on my own when he quietly comes up behind me and hoists me up. I jump down over the other side and walk to the car.
He sits in the driver’s seat and pulls his door shut, but doesn’t start the car. He’s staring at the steering wheel with his hand paused on the ignition. I watch his hands with mixed emotions, because I want them around me so bad. I want them holding me and rubbing my back and my hair while he tells me it’ll all be okay. But I also look at his hands in disgust, thinking about all the intimate ways he’s touched me and held me, knowing all along that he was deceiving me. How he could be with me, knowing what he knows, yet still allow me to believe the lies? I don’t know how I can forgive him for that.
“I know it’s a lot to take in,” he says quietly. “I know it is. I’ll take you home, but we need to talk about this tomorrow.” He turns toward me, looking at me with hardened eyes. “Sky, you cannot talk to Karen about this. Do you understand? Not until the two of us figure it out.”
I nod, just to appease him. He can’t honestly expect me not to talk to her about this.
He turns his whole body toward mine in the seat and leans in, placing his hand on my headrest. “I’m serious, babe. I know you don’t think she’s capable of doing something like this, but until we find out more, you need to keep this to yourself. If you tell anyone, your entire life will change. Give yourself time to process everything. Please. Please promise me you’ll wait until after tomorrow. After we talk again.”
The terrified undertone in his words pierces my heart, and I nod again, but this time I actually mean it.
He watches me for several seconds, then slowly turns around and cranks the car, pulling onto the road. He drives me the four miles back to my home and nothing is spoken until he pulls into my driveway. My hand is on the door handle and I’m stepping out of the car when he takes my other hand.
“Wait,” he says. I wait, but I don’t turn back around. I keep one foot on the floorboard and one foot on the driveway, facing the door. He moves his hand to the side of my head and brushes a strand of hair behind my ear. “Will you be okay tonight?”
I sigh at the simplicity of his question. “How?” I ease back against my seat and turn and face him. “How can I possibly be okay after tonight?”
He stares at me and continues to stroke the hair on the side of my head with his fingers. “It’s killing me…letting you go like this. I don’t want to leave you alone. Can I come back in an hour?”
I know he’s asking if he can come through my window and lay with me, but I immediately shake my head no. “I can’t,” I say, my voice cracking. “It’s too hard being around you right now. I just need to think. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
He nods and pulls his hand away from my cheek, then places it back on the steering wheel. He watches me as I step out of the car and walk away from him.
Sunday, October 28th, 2012 12:37 a.m.
Stepping through the front door and into the living room, I’m hoping to be engulfed with a sense of comfort that I’m desperately in need of. The familiarity and sense of belonging in this house is something I need to calm me down so that I no longer feel like bursting into tears. This is my home where I live with Karen…a woman who loves me and would do anything for me, no matter what Holder may think.
I stand in the dark living room and wait for the feeling to envelope me, but it never does. I’m looking around with suspicion and doubt, and I hate that I’m observing my life from a completely different viewpoint right now.
I walk through the living room, pausing just outside Karen’s bedroom door. I contemplate crawling into bed with her, but her light is out. I’ve never needed to be in her presence as much as I do in this moment, but I can’t bring myself to open up her bedroom door. Maybe I’m not ready to face her yet. Instead, I walk down the hallway to my bedroom.