Hopeless (Hopeless #1)(104)

Tuesday, October 30th, 2012 7:20 p.m.

We’re a block from Karen’s house when I ask him to pull over. The anticipation during the drive over here was torture enough, but actually arriving is absolutely terrifying. I have no idea what to say to her or how I’m supposed to react when I walk through the front door.

Holder pulls over to the side of the road and puts the car in park. He looks over at me with concern in his eyes. “You need a chapter break?” he asks.

I nod, inhaling a deep breath. He reaches across the seat and grabs my hand. “What is it that scares you the most about seeing her?”

I shift in my seat to face him. “I’m scared that no matter what she says to me today, I’ll never be able to forgive her. I know that my life turned out better with her than it would have if I had stayed with my father, but she had no way of knowing that when she stole me from him. The fact that I know what she’s capable of makes it impossible for me to forgive her. If I couldn’t forgive my father for what he did to me…then I feel like I shouldn’t forgive her, either.”

He brushes his thumb across the top of my hand. “Maybe you’ll never forgive her for what she did, but you can appreciate the life she gave you after she did it. She’s been a good mom to you, Sky. Remember that when you talk to her today, okay?”

I expel a nervous breath. “That’s the part I can’t get over,” I say. “The fact that she has been a good mom and I love her for it. I love her so much and I’m scared to death that after today, I won’t have her anymore.”

Holder pulls me to him and hugs me. “I’m scared for you too, baby,” he says, unwilling to pretend everything will be okay when it can’t. It’s the fear of the unknown that we’re both wrapped up in. Neither of us has any idea which path my life will take after I walk through that front door, and if it’s a path we’ll even be able to take together.

I pull apart from him and place my hands on my knees, working up courage to get this over with. “I’m ready,” I say. He nods, then pulls his car back onto the road and rounds the corner, coming to a stop in my driveway. Seeing my home causes my hands to tremble even more than they were before. Holder opens the driver’s side door when Jack walks outside and he turns to face me.

“Stay here,” he says. “I want to talk to Jack first.” Holder gets out of the car and shuts the door behind him. I stay put like he asked me to because I’m honestly in no hurry to get out of this car. I watch as Holder and Jack speak for several minutes. The fact that Jack is here, still supporting her, makes me wonder if Karen actually told him the truth about what she did. I doubt he would be here if he knew the truth.

Holder walks back to the car, this time to the passenger door where I’m seated. He opens the door and kneels down next to me. He brushes his hand across my cheek and strokes my face with the back of his fingertips. “Are you ready?” he asks.

I feel my head nodding, but I don’t feel in control of the movement. I see my feet stepping out of the car and my hand reaching into Holder’s, but I don’t know how I’m moving when I’m consciously trying to keep myself seated in the car. I’m not ready to go in, but I’m walking away from the car in Holder’s arms toward the house, anyway. When I reach Jack, he reaches out to hug me. As soon as his familiar arms wrap around me, I catch back up to myself and take a deep breath.

“Thank you for coming back,” he says. “She needs this chance to explain everything. Promise me you’ll give that to her.”

I pull away from him and look him in the eyes. “Do you know what she did, Jack? Did she tell you?”

He nods painfully. “I know and I know it’s hard for you. But you need to let her tell you her side or she’ll never be able to let go of her guilt.”

He turns toward the house and keeps his arm around my shoulders. Holder takes my hand and they both walk me to the front door like I’m a fragile child.

I’m not a fragile child.

I pause on the steps and turn to face them. “I need to talk to her alone.”

I know I thought I wanted Holder with me, but I need to be strong for myself. I love the way he protects me, but this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I want to be able to say I did it myself. If I can face this on my own, I know I’ll have the courage to face anything.

Neither of them objects, which fills me with appreciation for them, knowing they both have faith in me. Holder squeezes my hand and urges me forward with confidence in his eyes. “I’ll be right here,” he says.

I take a deep breath, then open the front door.

I step into the living room and Karen stops pacing the floor and spins around, taking in the sight of me. As soon as we make eye contact, she loses control and rushes toward me. I don’t know what look I expected to see on her face when I walked through this door, but it certainly wasn’t a look of relief.

“You’re okay,” she says, throwing her arms around my neck. She presses her hand to the back of my head and pulls me against her as she cries. “I’m so sorry, Sky. I’m so, so sorry you found out before I could tell you.” She’s trying hard to speak, but the sobs have taken over full-force. Seeing her in this much pain tears at my heart. Knowing she’s been lying to me doesn’t immediately refute the thirteen years I’ve loved her, so seeing her in pain only causes me pain in return.