Hold on Tight (Sea Breeze #8)(63)

“I reckon I can tell you I love you if I f**king want to. You can kick my ass out of your house. You can be mad at me, and you can make me sleep on this damn porch. But you can’t stop me from telling you that I love you. Every single inch of you. I love your smile, your laugh, the way you light up a room, your kindness, your strength, your stubbornness, your f**king magic pu**y. I love all of it.”

A sob broke free, and then she was crying. Shit!

Screw this space shit. I took three long strides to her and pulled her into my arms. “I tell you I love you and you cry. I ain’t that bad. I got some good qualities. Number one being you’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. I loved you when you were a girl, and I love you now. Always just loved you.”

She sobbed harder, but this time her hands grabbed my shirt and she held on to me tightly. That was a start.

“I love my brother. But he f**ked up. Everything. He made bad decisions and he didn’t know what he had. That night, the night he was killed, I went to find him. Heard he was drinking and partying, and he had a game the next day. And I found him with her. I got so f**king angry. He had you. Why would he need anyone else? I said things I shouldn’t to a drunk sixteen-year-old boy, and he was coming to you that night because I told him I was telling you. I wasn’t letting him do that to you. He panicked and raced out drunk and got behind the wheel before I could stop him.” I paused and took a deep breath. The tightness in my chest was there again. That night was a nightmare I would live with my entire life.

“I was about five minutes behind him. I was blocked in at the party, and by the time I got my car out, he’d already wrapped his around a tree. I was too late to save him. I wasn’t smart. I got angry and I said things I can’t take back.”

Sienna wasn’t crying anymore. She had gone still and quiet in my arms.

This was the truth. She wanted the truth, and it was ugly. It was something I would never be able to get over. But it was the f**king truth.

“He got behind that wheel. He was the one who got drunk. You didn’t make him do either of those things,” she said, her head tilted back to look up at me.

I knew that, but I also knew he had been too young to make the right decisions. So ultimately it had been my fault. I hadn’t handled it right, and he’d lost his life.

“I loved you then,” I told her again. I needed her to understand. For years I had beat myself up about it. I had f**ked women. Lots of redheads, trying like hell to forget she ever existed. But my world had lit up like a f**king Christmas tree when she’d walked around that corner in those cutoff shorts. Seeing her again—it had been a jolt I hadn’t known I needed. I had just been surviving. Not really living. I was watching my friends live around me, but I wasn’t living. I was getting by. Making it day to day.

Sienna made me want to live again. Micah made me want to live. They were mine, and I wasn’t letting them go.

“I love you,” she said. “I loved you from the moment you found my locker on my first day of high school. I had been so scared and lost. And you’d swooped in and saved the day. I never felt scared when you were around. You made me happy.”

The screen door opened, and Sienna jumped into my arms. We both looked over as Micah stepped outside onto the porch, rubbing his sleepy eyes. “Are we camping out on the porch now?” he asked.

Sienna started laughing, then shook her head. “Not tonight, kiddo. Maybe another night. Tonight we’re sleeping in our comfy beds.”

Micah nodded and looked from Sienna to me, then back to his mother. “Is Uncle Dewayne gonna come inside and sleep too?”

Sienna glanced back up at me. I didn’t want her to make this decision just because she didn’t want to confuse the kid, but right now I would take whatever leverage I could get. I wanted in my woman’s bed.

“Yeah, Uncle Dewayne is coming inside to sleep.”

Micah yawned. “You need to get him a bigger bed,” he said, then turned and walked back inside. “Come tuck me in. I’m sleepy.”

“I’m coming,” Sienna replied.

“Uncle Dewayne too. I want him to tuck me in too,” Micah called out from inside.

“We’re coming,” I said, then winked at Sienna, who just smiled.

Two months later . . .

SIENNA

Because I looked for that girl with the red ponytail to come walking across the street every damn day.

I stopped and picked up the piece of paper on Dewayne’s empty pillow. The words didn’t make sense. He looked for me to come across the street? When? I stood up and stretched. He had left for work early. He’d let me know last night that he had to go to work early this morning. The big condo project that Falco Construction had gotten had a level being completed today. This was important for Dewayne’s future. His father had never gotten jobs like this, but Dewayne was taking the business to the next level. I was so proud of him.

I tucked the little piece of paper with the odd note into the pocket of my wrap and went to the bathroom. I’d call him and ask him about it later. Maybe I’d get it once I had coffee. We had gone to bed kind of late last night. He had been unable to keep his hands off me, and I’d enjoyed it very much.

Another little note was on the mirror. I walked over and pulled it off.

Because those big, lost eyes looked at me with trust and lit up whenever they met mine. What was he doing? This was crazy. I read it again and laughed, then tucked it into my pocket before brushing my teeth and then my hair. I didn’t have to work today. It was Monday, and I was off. I had to get Micah up and ready, but I’d set my alarm so that I got to drink my coffee before I had to wake up my ball of energy.