Heaven and Hell (Heaven and Hell #1)(139)

“Don’t do it.”

“Sam, honey –”

His face got even closer and he snarled, “Ever.”

Then he abruptly let me go and strode away. Not to the house, to the walkway at the side. He took it with long, angry strides, a Memphis I feared he didn’t notice bouncing at his heels, and both of them quickly disappeared.

“What on earth?” I whispered, my heart still racing, my breath coming fast and that hard look on Sam’s face burned into my brain.

* * * * *

I was in the bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror.

Earlier that evening, Sam had come back and, like I was becoming accustomed when he had an episode (with me or others), he sorted it out himself and put it behind him.

And he expected you to do the same.

The Sam who came back with Memphis after a ten minute walk was not the emotion unleashed Sam who had walked away from me on the deck. He was a laidback, mellow, clearly enjoying his beach house filled with people he cared about Sam.

Dinner was delicious. I was surprised that Maris served a fabulously succulent pork roast, buttered and herbed new potatoes and a delicious salad and not something Mexican. But I learned during dinner conversation at Sam’s big dining room table that Maris’s mother was white, her father Hispanic and Maris had unfortunately perpetuated the family misfortune when she hooked up with Sam’s Dad. Her father was not a good father, he skipped out on her family when she was a little girl and she hadn’t seen him since. Therefore, although he left her mother, her brother and Maris in the barrio, her mother was so bitter about her husband’s desertion she blocked her children learning any of the customs that surrounded them so Maris knew very little of that side of her heritage.

She also shared that Sam, too, had lost the African American side of his heritage as not only did he not want anything to do with his father, his grandparents from a very young age did not play any part in his life. Most assuredly not Sam’s paternal grandfather who was black and also who died when Sam was ten after choosing his sparring partner in a bar fight very badly, his opponent had a knife and was not afraid to use it. So he did.

I thought that was sad.

I did not share this because this was the only downer of the evening. The rest of it, we had a great time. Although not everyone got tipsy or, in Hap’s case roaring drunk, at the dinner table then when we moved to the couches, conversation was fast and fun.

It included all of us sharing amusing stories about our lives, even Celeste got into it talking about growing up in France and, with her sophisticated manner and beautiful accent, the woman could seriously weave a tale. We were all entranced.

And Hap, surprisingly but with keen attention to Luci that was hidden behind his fun-loving grins, shared about Gordo. I didn’t know why he did this but I suspected he did it because Gordo lived and Gordo was loved and Gordo shouldn’t be swept under the rug and he was making a gentle point that everyone needed to move onto happy memories.

She braved it and Sam allowed it, also smiling (though not sharing) to hide his acute attention to Luci.

Celeste and Luci left late, Maris handed out cheek kisses and went up and Hap, Sam and I shared one last drink before I went up, leaving Sam downstairs.

I was hoping he would follow me.

I got my wish. While brushing my teeth, I heard him in the bedroom.

And now I had to decide how to play it. Try to talk to him and risk being rebuffed or wimp out, risk nothing but also give nothing and gain nothing.

“Fearless,” I whispered to myself, turned from the mirror, moved to the door, opened it and exited, hitting the light on the way out.

Sam was only in jeans when I got into the room. His eyes came to me, they warmed then he moved to me, sliding his hand along my belly as he passed me and went into the bathroom, closing the door.

Memphis was lying at the foot of the bed, panting at me.

I bent over her, giving her a cuddle then I got in bed and sat cross-legged with the covers pulled up to my waist, waiting.

Sam came out, rounded the bed and when he was at his side, undoing his fly, I started.

“Can I ask you a favor?”

His eyes came to me and, like last night, he kept working his fly even as they locked on mine.

But this time they were guarded.

Not good.

“Yeah,” he answered.

“I know you don’t have a lot of room, I mean, you do just not a lot of rooms but maybe we can get an air mattress for your office or something but I’d really like to ask Mom and Dad and Kyle and Gitte out here. They’d love it.”

The guard came down and his face got soft when he whispered, “Whenever you want, baby.”

He tugged off his jeans then slid in bed beside me.

I uncrossed my legs and slid in beside him. The minute my body touched his, his arms closed around me and he pulled me on top.

I looked down at him, letting my eyes move over his handsome face then I lifted a hand, placed it against the side of his head then I let my thumb move over his handsome face.

“Kia?” he called, I stopped watching my thumb glide over his cheekbone and I looked into his eyes.

“Yeah?”

“You okay?”

“Can I tell you something?”

His arms gave me a squeeze and he whispered, “Anything.”

I shifted my thumb to his lips and whispered back, “You might freak out that it’s too soon but I know what I know. And when I say that, I know what I know. And you don’t have to feel anything but what you feel. But life is short and someone really smart who I admire told me to be fearless so here goes.” I sucked in breath, closed my eyes, opened them and kept whispering when I told him, “I’ve fallen in love with you, Sam Cooper.”