Heaven and Hell (Heaven and Hell #1)(106)

“I bet neither of those guys would have a problem with Sam’s cardboard cutout being in the room while he gave you the business,” Paula noted.

“There you go. Finally, a solution to that problem,” Missy put in. “You need a badass. That way you can keep your cutout of Sam and still get yourself regular orgasms.”

Teri looked at Missy. “The only badass in town was Milo and he’s not in town anymore because he’s at the penitentiary and I didn’t know he was a badass until he blew half a man’s head off.”

“I have to admit, Heartmeadow is kind of a badass wasteland,” Missy muttered.

“Tell me about it,” Teri muttered back.

“Rudy’s a badass,” Paula threw out and we all looked at her but said not a word. “He is!” she asserted, correctly reading our looks. “He’d never let anything happen to me.”

“Uh, girl, I don’t know if you were here just now but those two dudes are like Sam. That is to say they could disarm Milo on a rampage and then break him in two after which they’d successfully lead a mission to dismantle a terrorist sect intent on ending American society as we know it. You’re right, Rudy would never let anything happen to you but we just were introduced to visions of pure badass and, love him to bits, but for the first time in my life seeing the real thing, Rudy is no badass,” Teri stated.

“Uh… excuse me?” a female yard sale patron joined our huddle, thankfully before Paula could attempt (unsuccessfully) to defend Rudy’s badassness. “This box says five dollars. Does that mean everything in it?”

I nodded. “Sure does.”

“Will you accept three?” the patron asked.

I opened my mouth to answer in the affirmative but Paula got there before me. “Woman, from what I can see, what’s in that box is worth fifty dollars. You’re getting it for five and you wanna pay three?”

“Paula,” I whispered.

“It’s a yard sale,” the patron retorted. “You’re supposed to haggle.”

“It’s an everything must go because your dead husband was a serious dickhead sale and that means you pay the price my girl spent her time writing on the box and walk away happy you got yourself one freaking huge-ass bargain,” Paula returned.

“You don’t have to curse,” the patron shot back.

“Honey, you just got here but it’s been pandemonium seein’ as everything that’s been carted away was the definition of huge-ass bargain. And her dead husband wanted her dead. There is no other word for a man like that but dickhead,” Paula parried and the patron looked at me.

“Yeah, I read that. That’s just awful. Though, you done real good for yourself, hooking up with Coop. And you’re climbing the best dressed list. I saw you in your bikini on that beach on that island and you looked real good.”

I stared. Then I breathed, “What?”

“You were on a beach in a white bikini and you were tan, just like now. They had a special summer edition of beach babes on youwearitwell.com and you landed the number four slot,” the woman told me.

“You’re moving up,” Gitte muttered. “Told you.”

Gitte sounded happy.

I was freaked.

The patron kept the information flowing, “Same bikini, different picture, you were wearin’ like, a short, see-through sarong, holding hands with Coop walking up the beach on bodiesbygod.com and you got on last week’s edition, number six on the Curvy Girls list.”

Oh. My. God!

People were taking pictures of me. Of us! And I was in a bikini! And I didn’t even know it!

Sure, it happened before but that was Tilda. Tilda was rude and rabid. Tilda doing it wasn’t a surprise.

This was.

I had no idea.

The throb in my head became less dull and I checked myself from glancing around frantically as paranoia set in that right that very moment someone was taking a photo of me that would eventually be posted somewhere I didn’t know it would be.

“I need an aspirin,” I muttered.

“I got aspirin in my purse in the house. I’ll go get you one,” Missy offered then headed toward the house.

“So, will you take three dollars for this box?” the woman brought matters back in hand.

Again, before I could answer, Paula did. “No.”

“But –” she started.

“Seriously? Not only is it a bargain, you’re buying it from Coop’s girlfriend. You can tell all your friends that and that you spoke to her too. That makes it a serious bargain,” Paula returned.

“Hadn’t thought of that,” the woman muttered.

“Five dollars,” Paula stated firmly, holding out her hand palm up.

The woman glanced at the box then at me then at the house where I was certain she’d seen Sam disappear. Then she went for her purse.

I left Paula to it, wandered away and sat in the grass. I was sipping my lemonade and still controlling the urge to survey my surroundings to make certain no one was aiming a camera (or other more deadly technology) at me when Gitte lithely fell to the grass beside me.

Then she asked Paula’s question.

“You okay?”

I pulled in a breath then turned my head to look at her.

“I have a headache.”