Heaven, Texas (Chicago Stars #2)(115)

“Don’t be vulgar,” she said automatically. And then her eyes filled with tears. “Bobby Tom, I can’t. Your father and I…”

“I know how you felt about each other, Mom. I saw it every day. Maybe that’s why I’ve never had much interest in getting married myself. Because I’ve always wanted the same thing.”

Gracie danced past in his peripheral vision, and at that exact moment, the fact that he could have the same thing his parents had had all those years hit him so hard he nearly stumbled. Jesus. As he held his mother in his arms and felt his father’s presence, he knew that same intimacy was right here waiting for him on the other side of the dance floor. He loved her. The knowledge almost knocked him to his knees. He loved his Gracie Snow—funny clothes, bossy manner, and all. She was his entertainment, his conscience, the mirror into his soul. She was his resting place. Why hadn’t he understood this weeks ago?

He’d grown so used to thinking of his life a certain way that he’d blinded himself to his real needs. He’d actually compared Gracie with the sex trophies and made Gracie the loser because she didn’t have big breasts. He’d ignored the undeniable fact that women who existed only to go to parties and look good had bored him for years. He’d overlooked the way gazing at Gracie’s pretty gray eyes and flyaway curls made his mouth water. Why had he clung so tenaciously to the idea that those sex trophies were what he wanted? Gracie was right. At his age, he should have learned something about what he needed from life a long time ago. Instead, he’d continued to judge women on the same artificial scale he’d used when he was a hormone-driven adolescent, and it made him ashamed. Gracie’s beauty had pleased his eye from the beginning. It was real and bone deep, fed by her innate goodness. It was the kind of soul-nourished beauty that would still be with her when she was an old lady.

He loved Gracie Snow, and he was going to marry her. He was going to marry her for real, dammit! He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, to fill her belly with his babies and fill their house with his love. Instead of scaring him, the idea of spending the rest of his life with her sent such a rush of joy through him that he felt as if he were rising up off the dance floor. He wanted to pull her out of Dan Calebow’s arms that very minute and tell her he loved her. He wanted to see her melt in front of his eyes. But he couldn’t do any of that until he’d tried to set things right with his mother.

He looked down at her. His chest felt tight, and his voice didn’t sound quite normal. “All this time I’ve been acting like my aversion to Way was personal, but the fact is, I know that I’d have gone into orbit no matter who you might have taken up with. I think part of me wanted you to lock yourself away and mourn Dad for the rest of your life just because he was my father and I loved him.”

“Oh, sweetheart…”

“Mom, listen to me.” He regarded her urgently. “I know one thing as sure as I know my name—Dad would never have wanted me to feel like that, and he wouldn’t have wanted you to suffer the way you’re suffering, not in a million years. Your love for each other was big and generous, but by turning your back on the future, you’re making it seem small.”

He heard the quick intake of her breath. “Is that what you think I’m doing?”

“Yes.”

“I didn’t mean to,” she said faintly.

“I know that. Are your feelings for Sawyer going to change the way you felt about Dad?”

“Oh, no. Never.”

“Then don’t you think it’s about time you found your backbone?”

He could almost see her pulling herself taller. “Yes. Yes, I think it is.” For a moment she didn’t do anything, and then she gave him a fierce hug.

He glanced around and shifted their position on the dance floor. She squeezed his shoulder. “You are the most wonderful son any woman could ever have.”

“Let’s see if you’re still saying that after I embarrass you to death.” Letting go of her hand, he reached out to tap Way Sawyer on the shoulder as he and his partner swung by. The older man came to a stop and regarded him quizzically.

Bobby Tom spoke. “Are you going to monopolize Miz Baines all night, Sawyer? She and I have a few things to talk about, don’t we, Miz Baines? How ‘bout we switch partners?”

Sawyer looked so dumbfounded that, for a moment, Bobby Tom thought he was going to let this golden opportunity slip by. He quickly recovered, however, and nearly knocked over poor Judy Baines in his eagerness to get his hands on Suzy.

Just before she slipped into his arms, Sawyer’s gaze met his own, and Bobby Tom couldn’t ever remember seeing so much gratitude in another man’s eyes. Suzy, in the meantime, had a combination of excitement and panic in her expression.

Bobby Tom took Mrs. Baines’s hand. Realizing he loved Gracie had tossed his whole world upside down, and, to his amazement, he found he was actually enjoying himself. He gave Sawyer his best outlaw’s squint. “My mother’s a respectable woman with a reputation to uphold in the community, so I’ll expect you to do right by her. And don’t take too long about it, either, because if I hear of any hanky-panky going on before the ceremony, there’s going to be some big-time hell to pay.”

Sawyer threw back his head and laughed. At the same time, he looped his arm around Suzy’s shoulders and swept her right off the dance floor.