Hawk (A Stepbrother Romance #3)(20)

All at once I hate myself for being so harsh.

Me. He did it for me.

That's just an excuse, Alex. He abandoned you…

Shut up! I snap at myself.

I rub my arms as though I'm cold and sink back against a tree. My legs fold and I end up sitting on the ground. Before I know it, I choke on a sob and start crying harder, the tears hot on my cheeks. I wince as a rocket bursts overhead, a big one this time. It sends out smaller bombs that go pop, pop, pop and unleash a cascade of lights and streamers through the night. Hawk moves, his motion janky from a weird strobe effect that lights and darkens him as the fireworks burst in the air, and then he's sitting at my side.

He puts his arm around me and I sink into his side and weep softly, not really sure why.

"You left me," I whimper. "I needed you and you left me."

"I know, Alex. I know."

"You don't know," my voice is too loud, I need to stay quiet. "You don't know what they did."

He tenses.

"What did they do?"

"I can't,"

"Tell me, Alex. What did they do?"

"I can't," I whimper, "I can't, Hawk. Please don't make me tell."

He puts both arms around me and buries his face in my hear. "It's all right."

"It's not all right. It's never going to be all right."

One of the big rockets goes off and bathes the trees in light. I flinch against him and he tightens his arms around me as I bury my face in his chest and pull myself onto his lap. I'm still mad at him, but I can't stop myself. I turn sideways in his arms and lean against him, and he doesn't open his big mouth. He just breathes, and I can feel his big chest expanding against me, the warmth of his body and the strength in his limbs.

"Are you going to leave again?"

"My father came to me after I left the festival. Told me I have until tomorrow to get out of town and never come back."

I suck in a breath and dig my fingers into his sides. "Are you leaving?"

"Not a chance in hell."

He leans down and touches his lips to the top of my head. His lips are warm but it almost feels cool, a quivering release of tension sliding down my body. His big hand rises and cups my cheek, lightly pressing my head to his chest as he rests his chin on my head. His other arm slips around my waist and his hand rests on my stomach, slowly moving up and down. I curl up in his lap and close my eyes, and breathe deep. I'm still mad at him, god damn it. I chance to open my eyes and look up at him.

Oh God he's looking at me the way he did at the water park. I can't take it. I have to look away, shame hot on my cheeks. It's not his fault, is it?

They beat him half to death and threatened to kill you, Alex. Of course it's not his fault.

No matter how I try, the sting of betrayal won't leave me. I don't even know if I'm mad at him anymore.

"It wasn't supposed to be this way," I whisper.

"I know."

He runs his fingers through my hair, his fingertips sending shivers down my spine as they stroke the back of my head.

"You know what I never did," he says, "Before?"

"What?"

He tips my head back and kisses me. Heat flutters in my stomach but I pull away, twisting in his lap. He pulls me close and I settle against him.

"After I started school, our parents got married," I tell him.





Alexis





Then





It was almost five hours in the car. I packed for the week, since I had to be out of the dorm by Wednesday morning unless I obtained special permission, which in hindsight, I should have. The drive was tough on my little Honda, the one I bought with the money I saved up from summer jobs. That year, it was unseasonably warm, but everyone and their mother was on the road, which makes sense I guess. It was Thanksgiving, after all. It should have been a two hour trip from Delaware to Paradise Falls, but there was a wreck on the Blue Route that left me sitting in the car with the windows down, creeping along and hoping I wouldn't run out of gas. They said on the radio that the traffic backup caused another accident on I-95 at the Delaware-Maryland border that snarled traffic from Florida to Maine.

By the time I got off the interstate and headed for Paradise Falls, I was exhausted, annoyed, and depressed. The sight of the bridge towers brought tears to my eyes. I had to scrub them away with my hands until I was across. Everything in town reminded me of Hawk. He was as much a part of my life as my own arm, and his absence was felt just as strongly. We never ate Thanksgiving dinner together -neither of our parents would allow that-but we always spent time together during the break, usually that Friday.

It never hit me until he was gone how relationship-y things were with Hawk. We went on so many dates, we just never called it that, never…

I had to pull over and compose myself before I pulled up to the house. I couldn't believe this was happening. I could see it a street over-it was still Hawk's house in my mind, and the thought of the last time I was there filled me with dread. My mother called me on the phone last week and told me she married that man and had already moved my things into his house. I felt violated. After five minutes of sitting there, I managed to make my face a mask and clean up the tears, and parked out front.