Hannah's List (Blossom Street #7)(85)

Winter remembered that Alix had made several costly mistakes at work before she'd become pregnant--mistakes like leaving out a key ingredient. Winter had talked with her, and Alix had taken their talk to heart and made an effort to improve. Winter had never once regretted keeping her on staff.

Alix gazed down at the floor. "I hate to tell you this, but I was the biggest shrew ever. I had a habit of not telling Jordan what I wanted, because I believed he should already know. He was my husband and, if he loved me, he should automatically be aware of my needs. Well, not surprisingly, that wasn't too effective."

Winter looked at her thoughtfully. Her own problems with Pierre came down to communication, too. Jordan was a minister, and she wondered if that accounted for his greater willingness--or perhaps ability--to work out the difficulties in his marriage.

"This pregnancy hasn't been easy, either, especially after we lost the first one. I'm still not confident about the kind of mother I'll be. All my fears seemed to coalesce into this continuous bad attitude toward Jordan. I can't believe he put up with me."

She smiled and glanced up. "Don't get me wrong. Jordan's no saint and he contributed to his share of arguments, but he never let things get out of hand. No matter how unreasonable I became."

"So what changed?" Most of this was news to Winter. Alix was a private person and if something bothered her she kept it to herself. Winter recognized that there was a reason Alix had chosen to bring up such a personal subject now.

"I realize I might not be a perfect mother, but I'm determined to be a good one. I love my baby. It's amazing to me that I can love him this much and he has yet to be born. Jordan feels the same. He's so excited. I wish you could see him. Every night he puts his hand on my belly and prays for the baby and then kisses him good-night."

"That's sweet." Winter knew Alix was confiding a part of herself she never had before. "You're telling me this because you think your experience can help Pierre and me?"

Alix pulled out a chair and sat down. "After the morning sickness passed, I felt dreadful about the way I'd treated Jordan. He put up with my moods and was gentle and caring through the worst of it." She grimaced in obvious embarrassment. "One morning after I threw up I blamed him for everything. I even called him a bunch of names and told him our love life was over. I didn't mean it and felt horrible about it after I got to work."

Winter stifled a laugh and leaned back in her chair.

"I called Jordan, but he was out with his father. After I finished here, I went over to my in-laws' house and Susan--my mother-in-law--and I had a long talk. Susan's become like a mother to me. She listened to everything. The advice she gave me might help you and Pierre, too."

At this point, Winter was willing to listen to just about anything. She straightened again, her interest piqued. "Okay, let's hear it."

"I know you and Pierre are meeting next week."

She frowned. "Who told you that?"

Alix pointed to the office door. "It's on your calendar, along with the work schedule for July."

"Oh." Winter must have posted it there three months ago.

"Have you thought about what you're going to say?" Alix asked.

Winter shook her head. "It seems like mission impossible. I love him and at the same time I don't think anyone can upset me faster than Pierre. He's wonderful one minute and completely irrational the next."

"Aren't we all?" Alix asked and laughed.

Winter agreed, but true as that was, it did nothing to improve the situation.

"When I spoke to Susan about my bad moods and the way Jordan so often seemed to disappoint me," Alix continued, "she told me what she did as a young married woman. It really helped us."

"Then tell me," Winter urged. "Please. I'm desperate."

Alix nodded. "Okay. She got a notebook and made a list of all the things her husband did that irritated her on one half of a page. She left the other half blank. I'll get to that in a minute."

"A list." Winter could see where this was going and wasn't sure it would make any difference. She knew Pierre's good traits and his bad ones, too. They seemed about equal.

"What does Pierre do that bothers you the most?"

His bad habits were in the forefront of her mind. She'd dwelled on them far too often to have forgotten. "Well, for one thing, he can be moody after work. If he has a bad day, he takes it out on me. He gets upset at the most innocent comment and becomes completely unreasonable. He's like a little kid who doesn't get his own way." Just thinking about it upset her all over again. "Then ten minutes later, it's as if nothing happened and I'm supposed to forget everything he said and did."

"I've been there with the irrational moods," Alix said. "Write that down," she instructed, pointing to the pad in front of Winter. "But first draw a line down the middle of the sheet."

She turned to a blank page and divided it, then dutifully wrote out her complaint. "I know it's petty, but it really upsets me that he eats standing up. After I've cooked him a fantastic meal, the least he can do is sit down at the table with me and savor every bite. Really, is that too much to ask?"

"Put that down, too. Anything else?"