Hannah's List (Blossom Street #7)(60)

"I suppose you expect an apology for what I said that afternoon," he muttered, returning to their earlier conversation. "Getting me to admit I was wrong seems inordinately important to you."

"You should apologize."

"What about you?" he blazed.

"What did I do that was so wrong?"

"Do you actually need me to tell you?"

"Yes, I do," Winter said.

"First of all, we both agreed upon no contact for three months. N'est-ce pas?"

Okay, she'd broken their agreement. So what? She'd had something to tell him and it seemed best to do it in person. "I had a reason."

"Sure you did. You wanted to shove the fact that you were dating some other man in my face."

"That is not true." She clenched her hands involuntarily. Pierre turned everything back on her, made everything her fault. He had no idea how unfair he was being, how unreasonable.

"Don't deceive yourself, Winter." He wagged his index finger as if he'd caught her in a lie. "That is exactly why you showed up on the most hectic day I've had all year."

"We'd never discussed it, and I felt you should know."

"Why? So I would miss you more? So I would beg you not to go out with this doctor? To remain faithful to me? If you're waiting for me to plead with you, you'll have a long wait."

"Fine, whatever."

"Fine with me, too." Pierre crossed his arms and scowled at her.

This was getting them nowhere. It felt as though they performed the same roles, recited the same lines, every time they were together. She'd grown so weary of it; Pierre had, too.

"If it makes you feel any better," she said, "you should know I've always been faithful to you."

He arched a brow, implying that was no concern of his.

His nonchalant attitude irritated her even more. "Don't you care if I date another man?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Why should I?"

"At one time we seriously considered getting married!"

"Thank God we didn't make that mistake."

His words were like a knife he'd sunk into her heart. Pierre knew how badly she'd wanted to marry him. Swallowing painfully, she asked, "Why do you have to say such ugly things to me?" She hated the small quaver in her voice.

"Ma cherie, be reasonable. If we'd married we'd have killed each other by now."

"That's not true!"

"Look at us," he said, gesturing toward her with one hand, then bringing it back to his chest. "We can't even have a conversation without aiming for each other's throat. Something is very wrong with us. I don't know what it is...I wish I did. I thought...I hoped that when we got back together the last time our problems had been resolved, but nothing's changed."

The sadness in his voice echoed her own feelings, although pride wouldn't allow her to show it.

"This three-month separation idea of yours is for the best."

Winter disagreed, but it was hard to admit that; as he'd pointed out, it had been her suggestion. She'd regretted it almost every day since. At the time she'd been so sure Pierre would fight to keep their relationship intact. Three months apart had felt like an eternity then. It still felt like one now. She'd been the first to break their agreement. That should've told him something about her feelings. She didn't know why it was like this with them. How she longed for the early days of their relationship, before they'd fallen into this pattern of destructive behavior, of belittling each other in this crazy reflexive way.

"So you want to continue with our separation?" she said.

Pierre flicked her an incredulous glance. "Of course, don't you?"

"Yes," she said, using the same tone. "But since you're here, when we agreed to have no contact--well, naturally I assumed you might've changed your mind."

"I didn't."

Winter managed to hide her disappointment. "S-o-o," she said, "you stopped by despite our decision not to see each other...to tell me we shouldn't see each other? Or was it because you were in the neighborhood and had a hankering for coffee and a croissant?"

"I already told you why," he said sharply. "To clear up any misconceptions from the day you came to see me."

"Misconceptions?" she repeated. "You couldn't have made your feelings any more obvious if I'd asked."

Pierre waited a heartbeat before responding. "Then we understand each other?"

"Well, actually, I don't."

"Do you need me to explain it to you again?"

"Maybe you should," she answered. Impatience seemed to radiate from him, making any kind of rational discussion impossible.

"I felt bad about that day and wanted to apologize," Pierre said.

"You should have felt bad." Winter regretted her words immediately.

Pierre's jaw hardened. "I can see it was a mistake to come here. It was an even bigger mistake to think the two of us could communicate. Our relationship didn't work before and it isn't working now. I'm afraid we were both fooling ourselves into believing we ever had a chance." He stood so abruptly that the chair wobbled before righting itself. "I won't say it was good to see you, because it wasn't. Frankly, this visit told me everything I needed to know," he said. "Everything I needed to remember." He started for the door.