Grounded (Up in the Air #3)(80)

‘HOLY HUGE DICK!’ scrolled along the bottom of the screen.

I despised with a passion whoever had edited the thing.

I thought I might be ill as he stroked himself, standing just behind her.

He pulled a condom out of his pocket, ripping it open and rolling it on with smooth, practiced motions.

He poised himself behind her, his huge arousal looking even bigger against her petite form. I knew it was totally irrational, but God, I hated her.

My hand covered my mouth as he drove into her. I’d known before I turned it on that it would be bad for my heart to watch it, but I had the thought again.

He f**ked her so hard that it must have hurt, though I supposed that was the point. She shuddered as she came, and he pulled out of her, still hard, while those waves of pleasure still wracked her body.

He turned her, and I realized that as hard as that had been to watch, it was about to get worse.

She started to raise her eyes to him as he entered her then, but he said something and her eyes lowered again. I felt the fist around my heart loosen just a bit. There was no eye contact as he pounded into her from that angle. He f**ked her hard until he had her shuttering again, and then again.

New words scrolled along the bottom of the screen. ‘RICH, GORGEOUS, AND HE FUCKS LIKE A MACHINE. WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE?’

Again, I had some nasty thoughts about the editor.

He pulled out of her roughly, and I saw his c**k twitching inside of that tight rubber with his own release. Unfortunately, the video was good enough that I could make out every detail, even the tip of the condom filling with cum.

At least he hadn’t come inside of her. And at least he’d worn that rubber. I knew it was ridiculous to feel possessive of a body that I hadn’t even known at the time of the video, but knowing didn’t change the feeling.

He left her tied to the bed and strode from the room. When he came back in, he was fully dressed in a suit.

It didn’t look like they said another word to each other, and she never once raised her eyes to him as he untied her and she lay down on the bed. She was curling her body around a pillow as he strode from the room. He never looked back.

My heart was pounding as the video ended. It had hurt to watch it, but I felt like I’d learned something important. It was a fact that James had been a slut before he’d met me. As much as the images in the video had bothered me, there wasn’t an instant of their interaction where he’d shared anything but his body and his cold domination with her. There had been nothing that I would have called intimacy between the two of them.

He’d told me once that sex had just been a bodily function for him before he’d met me, and I’d just seen the proof of it. I knew it was perverse, but I felt both sick and relieved at the same time.

A movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. I turned to look.

James stood in the doorway.

His face was stricken—his eyes bleak, as he looked at the computer screen. I wondered how long he’d been there, but obviously it had been long enough to see what I was watching.

Too late, I closed out the window of that horrid video.

I looked back at him, but he wasn’t looking at me. His eyes were glazed and unseeing, still glued to the computer. He took a step back and closed the door behind him, leaving me alone in the room.

I just sat there for a few minutes, my mind still processing what I’d seen. I needed a minute to compose myself before we spoke about it, if there was even anything to say.

So he’d had sex with that horrible woman, probably too many times to count. Watching it had at least given me some clarity. James at his angriest, at his coldest, at his most furious, had never been to me what he was to Jolene. They had been a Dom and a sub letting off steam, nothing else.

Although I hadn’t realized it at the time, James had always been different with me. Looking back on it now, James had shown me a profound tenderness and love that belonged only to me, from our very first time together. I realized that I needed to value that more, because it was more precious of a gift than I’d allowed myself to see. He was my Dom, and I was his sub, but our love had turned it into so much more than what I’d seen on that video. Yes, James had been a hedonist and a slut before I’d met him, but I saw now that I’d been his first lover. He’d changed his rules for me. He bended for me constantly. Because he loved me.

I sat and brooded for maybe ten minutes before I got up and followed him.

I thought I’d find him in our bedroom. It was empty. I found my phone and called him. He didn’t answer. I searched the huge apartment for him, even venturing tentatively onto the fourth floor in my efforts.

I finally resorted to calling Blake.

“Ms. Karlsson,” she answered promptly.

“Blake, do you know where James is? Did he leave the apartment?”

“Yes, Ma’am. He left just a few minutes after he’d arrived.”

“Do you know where he went?”

“No…”

“Can you find out?” I asked, starting to panic a little.

I wanted to see him. I didn’t want him thinking the worst about my reaction to watching that video, as I knew he would.

“I’ll make some calls, Ms. Karlsson.”

“Thank you,” I said.

She hung up.

She called back about ten minutes later. “I couldn’t locate him, Ms. Karlsson. Clark isn’t picking up, and he’s the only one with Mr. Cavendish. The only answer I could get from the others is that he went out.”