Giving In (Surrender Trilogy #2)(52)

He stroked her hair, trying to compose himself. He didn’t want to mess this up. It was too important. She’d placed her trust, her faith and her well-being solidly in his hands and he wouldn’t fail her.

“I love you too, baby. So much. If you believe nothing else, believe that. I think I’ve loved you from the very first moment I laid eyes on you.”

She turned her face up from where it was buried in his chest and met his gaze, tears shimmering in those beautiful eyes.

“What are we going to do, Jensen? I know tonight was a huge step, but I know we have so many other issues to face. I don’t want to ever cause problems between us. I want your love. I need it. I never thought I’d want or need this connection to a man and it caught me by surprise. I was blindsided by you. You snuck up on me when I wasn’t looking and suddenly you were there—here,” she amended, placing her hand over her heart. “I don’t want to mess this up.”

He kissed her furrowed brow, trying to ease the strain that was so evident. Her words and expression were so earnest. So heartbreakingly vulnerable. He never wanted her to feel fear when she was with him, but some things were out of his control. He, who was used to absolute control in all aspects of his life, had to accept that when it came to this woman he was in no way in control of anything at all.

“It won’t be easy,” he said truthfully. “But nothing good or worthwhile is ever easy. We’ll work at it together. United, we can conquer anything. I want you to have faith in that. And the other thing you need to know is that I’m not going anywhere. No matter how hard it gets, no matter how difficult things may be, I’m here to stay and I’m never giving up on you or us.”

Tears glittered more brightly, clinging to her eyelashes, and finally slid soundlessly down her cheeks. He thumbed one away with a gentle touch, his heart aching at the fear and uncertainty in both her eyes and words.

“I won’t give up either,” she quietly vowed. “Don’t let me run, Jensen. Don’t let me hide from you—us. It’s what I do best. When things get sticky, I retreat, I run, and I stick my head in the sand where I know it’s safe. Don’t give up on me. I’ll try never to hurt you. I need you to believe that I want this. I want you and I want there to be an us.”

He smiled, contentment ever growing in his soul. “If you run, I’ll just come after you and drag you back to me. I won’t let you get away, baby. Not unless that’s truly what you want. I want you to be mine, but more than that, I want you to be happy and for you to feel safe. Always.”

She closed her eyes, visibly collecting herself, and when she reopened them they burned with earnestness. “I love you.”

The simple statement with such a wealth of emotion behind it was staggering. He felt humbled by the love and trust burning in her eyes. Never had he felt more unworthy than right here and now but he wasn’t going to turn down such a precious gift. Ever.

He squeezed her tight, savoring her softness against his much harder body. “I love you too, Kylie. We’ll make it, okay? We’ll get there. Just give us time.”

Her gaze lowered but not before he saw the flicker of pain in her eyes.

“I feel like such a failure,” she admitted. “I know I can trust you and yet I couldn’t even be intimate with you without tying you up. It sounds so ridiculous. Here I’m saying I love you and I trust you and we didn’t even achieve penetration. How does that not make me a huge hypocrite to say one thing and do something altogether different?”

His heart turned over at the consternation in her voice. He nudged her chin up with his fingers, forcing her to meet his gaze.

“Baby, this is a huge leap forward for us—you. There is no hurry and I don’t want you beating yourself up over this. I’m happy and you’re happy. Nothing else matters. In time you’ll trust me enough to let me make love to you. You’ll trust yourself. Until then, you’ll tie me to the bed each time until you feel confident enough to take the ultimate plunge.”

Her lips turned down into a grimace. “I wish I were as confident as you.”

“I have enough confidence for both of us,” he said gently. “We will get there, Kylie. Rome wasn’t built in a day. This will and should take time. It’s not something we can take too lightly. You have to absolutely feel safe with me, because if we jump the gun, we can do far more damage by trying to rush things. I’m perfectly content to leave things as they are until you’re ready to take that final step. You don’t have to apologize nor do you have to justify your fears. Not to me. Never to me. I love you and love is about doing whatever it takes to safeguard the one you love.”

She leaned up, pressing her soft mouth to his. “I love you so much,” she whispered against his lips. “I don’t deserve you or your patience but I thank God for both. I never imagined feeling this way about anyone. It’s scary and beautiful all at the same time.”

He kissed her back, slow and sweet, his tongue tasting her, lapping tenderly at her lips and tongue. Then he leaned back, simply savoring the connection between them. This moment when they both laid themselves bare. He didn’t want this moment to end. Didn’t want the outside world intruding on something so new and beautiful. Fragile and vulnerable.

“Not to change the subject but we didn’t talk about my conversation with Dash and I promised you full disclosure. And I can’t think of a better time to talk to you than when you’re in my arms all soft and sweet.”