Give Me Tonight(99)

But like a shadow, the memories of Adeline crept through her mind, dark and indistinct, inescapable. For the rest of her life she would have that part of herself to contend with, and deep in the back of her mind there would always be an awareness of what she had once been. What had happened to make her that way? How could a daughter plot against her own fa­ther?

Suddenly she heard the echo of something Caroline had once said to her. "For a while I thought Daddy had finally done it—spoiled you rotten to the core."

That's what I was, Addie thought with shame and despair. Rotten to the core. Oh, was there any way of making up for what she'd done? Guilt was a tangible pain in her chest.

"I don't deserve you," she said, and Ben's mouth twisted.

"Why in hell would you say that?"

"I've done terrible things in the past. Things I can never tell you about. I'm not half as good or kind as I should be, and—"

"I never expected you to be some plaster saint, Ad­die. And as for not deserving me, of all people . . . " He paused and grinned. "Let's just say it's more likely you do deserve me. It's possible I'm the punishment for your sins, and marriage to me will be your pen­ance. Have you ever thought of that? Now, give me one more kiss and leave, or I won't be able to let you go."

Halfway irritated at his cavalier attitude toward her guilty conscience, she offered her cheek to him instead of her lips. Why, she'd been trying to unburden herself to him, and he was downright flippant about her wor­ries!

Ben laughed softly as he lowered his mouth to her cheek and pressed a kiss there. "Why the sudden change in temperature? You were warm enough a min­ute ago."

"I was trying to tell you about my faults, and you just—"

"I don't care about your faults. The ones I already know about don't matter, and I'll discover the rest soon enough."

"I'm trying to warn you—"

"That you're not what you seem on the surface?"

He smiled and settled his hands at her waist, pulling her closer. "I know that, and a few other things as well. You like to misbehave sometimes . . . ah, that may be a fault of yours, Addie, but I happen to like it very much. And another one—in bed you're one of the greediest women I've ever known—"

"Ben!" she exclaimed, color flooding her face. "—but I happen to like that too. You have other faults which I enjoy equally. Should I continue or have I made my point?"

Addie pushed hard at his chest in an effort to break his hold on her. "You're being crude and—"

"Addie!" They heard May calling again, this time more insistent than before. "It's time to come in right now."

"You heard her," Addie said impatiently. "Now, take your hands off me or we'll both get in trouble."

He grinned and kissed the tip of her nose. "That's a far cry from 'I can't let go of you.'" And he watched her with glowing eyes as she went into the house.

The next day Adeline discovered Diaz had left the ranch, despite his promise to talk to her before he went. No one could understand why she was so upset by his disappearance. When she started to complain to Ben as he strode out of Russell's office in the after­noon, he shrugged off Diaz's departure matter-of-­factly.

"Most cowhands have to pick up and leave when they start to feel too settled-in. They're independent in a crazy way. They like to look out at the world from their saddles. The men out here can't stand any way of life that seems too civilized. They like things rough. They like their independence."

"What about you?" Addie demanded. "Are you going to pick up and leave when you start to feel shackled by a string of fences and a wedding band?"

"No, ma'am," he assured her promptly, his eyes twinkling. "I'm not your typical cowhand."

Her eyes made a pointed survey of his dirt-encrusted boots, worn-out Levi's, and blue cotton shirt. "You look pretty typical to me. How can I be sure you won't start to feel too settled-in and leave me?"

"Because I'm ready to belong somewhere. And I'd choose sleeping with you over bedding down on the trail any day of the week."

, "Are you certain having a wife and a family of your own isn't too civilized for your taste?"

"Oh, I've always had a secret hankering for respect­ability. And I won't mind being thought of as a family man. Hell, Russ doesn't mind it."

"Yes, but he . . . " Addie bit her lip before blurting out that Russell wasn't quite the family man he seemed. Russell didn't share a bedroom with May, and in all likelihood he had a woman on the side. Ner­vously she cast a glance at the closed office door.

Ben seemed to understand. Casually he hooked an arm around her neck and lowered his mouth to her ear. "That won't happen to us," he murmured, and kissed her neck before letting his arm drop away from her.

Addie smiled uncertainly. "Well, considering the way you were brought up and your fancy eastern ed­ucation, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to find a civilized streak in you."

"We're all going to be civilized out here, and it won't take long, either. Not with the railroad spread­ing as fast as it is."

"So you expect things to change around here?"