Give Me Tonight(48)

"You're my daughter."

, “I have the right to take part in the decisions that affect me."

"You sure as hell don't!" Russell exploded. "Be­cause I'm the one who makes the decisions, and I'm damn well not going to come to you for advice about my business—"

"This is my business too! You and Mama have been pushing Jeff at me for weeks. Half the time I've gone to see him only because I wanted to please you. Now suddenly I'm supposed to turn my feelings off and give him the freeze because of some arbitrary whim of yours. But I can't do that."

"Dammit, why are you so all-fired anxious to cross me?" Their eyes met in challenge, and Addie saw his anger increase as he realized she wasn't going to bow down easily. But he was canny, and he decided to change tactics. "Honey," he said in a conciliatory voice, "we'll get someone a lot better than Jeff for you. Any man in Texas would give his left . . . would give a lot to have you. Ain't that right, Ben?"

"Don't drag him into this!" Addie snapped, saving Ben the necessity of replying. "And I won't be paci­fied by having the prospect of some other man dangled in front of me like a new toy."

"Then what the hell do you want?"

"For you to stop treating me like I'm something to be moved around and managed and maneuvered, just like your cattle. Just like Mama and Caroline. "

His face turned purple. "As long as you live under my roof, eat at my table, and live off my money, you'll do what I say. Just like they do."

Addie felt tears of fury spring to her eyes. "And talk to whom you tell me to? And marry the man you choose for me?"

"That's right."

"It's not right," she said huskily, thinking in a split second of Caroline and the man she had lost. "It's not right at all. You wouldn't let someone run your life like that. Why do you expect it of me?”

Russell's face was hard. "Because you're a woman. Smart, yes. Too smart for your own good, and damned spoiled. But you're still just a woman, and there's no gettin' around it. I 'll give you rein when I can, Ade­line, but not this time."

“But—”

"You want a woman's privileges and a man's rights too. But you can't have both. Look at you. Tears ready to fall. You can't hold 'em back—that's because you're a woman. Do you think a man would do that? You stick to your female weapons, honey, and let me make the decisions. You got your place and I got mine. "

"Don't you think I have a sense of honor? Of pride?" she demanded hoarsely, struggling to hold back the humiliating tears. It was a sign of weakness, one he had taken good advantage of. "Being a wom­an doesn't mean I don't have sense and intelligence. It doesn't mean I don't need freedom." There was a ter­rible pressure behind her eyes. She wadded the back of her sleeve against her nose, needing a handkerchief. Although Ben was silent, she was afraid she would see mockery in his eyes. She didn't look at him. As she stared fixedly at Russell, her heart burned with re­sentment. 'I'll see Jeff if I want to," she said in a muffled voice.

"You do that, little girl, and I'll bring you to heel so damn quick you won't believe it."

Addie was too angry and humiliated to say anything. She felt trapped as she stood there, cornered, and she had to break free or choke on her own helplessness. Striding through the kitchen, she yanked open the door and fled down the back steps. It was dark outside, and the shadows offered refuge.

Ben looked at Russell, his green eyes expression­less.

"What are you gonna say?" Russell demanded hotly. "She's my daughter, damn you. You think I wasn't fair to her?"

"You already know," Ben said, turning to leave.

"You stay away from her. Let her lick her wounds in private. I won't have you two commiseratin' behind my back. And I just might be tempted to fire you if you take her side against me!"

Ben arched an eyebrow, turning his head slowly and staring at him. They both knew he was completely indifferent to Russell's blustering. "I'll leave when­ever you give the word, Russ."

Russell cursed under his breath as the other man went to follow Addie .

She stopped in the shelter of a storage shed, leaning against the rough wooden planks and crying wretch­edly. She had never felt so lonely or helpless. If only there was some sanctuary she could find, even a tem­porary one! If only she could go to sleep, and wake up to hear Leah calling to her . . . her Leah, not that little girl!

It was an intolerable idea to be sentenced to stay here forever. But it was intolerable, also, to think of going back to a place where she had no one at all. What am I going to do? she thought, and pressed her wet cheek against the shed as she began to cry even harder.

She heard a voice right behind her ear, a voice laced with sympathy. "It's not that bad, darlin'."

Turning around, she looked at Ben while the moon­light silvered the watery trails down her cheeks. You don't know how bad it is, she wanted to say, but she couldn't. He was so close they were almost touching, his powerful body casting a large shadow. The earth seemed to shake under her feet as she reached out for him blindly, and then he pulled her close into the pro­tection of his body. Her head fell against his shoulder, and she wept at the infinite relief of it. Senseless, to feel safe and warm in his arms, but the sweetness of it flowed through her veins like strong wine. Illusion or not, every moment of it was something to trea­sure—the heat of his body, the smell of him, the abra­sion of his unshaven jaw against her temple. After a while she tried to explain herself, feeling somehow that he would understand.