Gabriel's Rapture (Gabriel's Inferno #2)(116)

“When they brought Jeremy in, I begged him to help us. I promised I’d do anything.”

“Anything?” Julia asked.

He shifted again. “I had no idea he was going to side with the hearing officers and demand that I cease all contact with you. It was a rash promise made in a fit of desperation.”

Julia moved away from him. “What did he say?”

“He persuaded the committee to place me on administrative leave. It was effectively a suspension, but they didn’t call it that in order to avoid tainting the department. I was also prohibited from supervising female graduate students for a term of three years.”

“I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

He pressed his lips together. “I was told to end things with you immediately and cease all contact. They said if I violated this condition, the agreement would be void and they would re-open the investigation, into both of us.” He paused, seemingly struggling for words.

“If they thought I was a victim, why would they threaten to investigate me again?”

Gabriel’s blue eyes cooled. “The Dean suspected you were telling the truth—that our relationship was consensual and that I was trying to save your reputation. He wasn’t about to let us go off into the sunset together. That’s why I sent you the email.”

“That email was cruel.”

Gabriel’s eyebrows knitted together. “I know. But since I was sending it from my university account to your university account, I assumed you’d realize it was all for show. Have I ever spoken to you like that before?”

She gave him a challenging look.

He winced. “I mean, have I spoken to you like that since I realized who you were?”

“Could the university really demand that you stop talking to me?”

Gabriel shrugged. “They did. The threat of Christa’s lawsuit was hanging over all of us. Jeremy seemed to think that if I took a leave of absence that he could convince Christa to drop the lawsuit. And he did. But once again, he said that if he found out I was still seeing you, he wouldn’t lift a finger to help me.”

“That’s blackmail.”

“That’s academia. Christa’s lawsuit would have damaged the department, possibly irreparably. Jeremy would have lost the ability to recruit top faculty and students because people would hear that it wasn’t a safe place to be. I didn’t want to be embroiled in a scandal any more than he did, and I certainly didn’t want you hauled into a courtroom as a witness.”

Gabriel cleared his throat, clearly struggling. “I agreed. Jeremy and the Dean made it clear that they would interview you at the end of the semester to see if I’d kept my promise. I had no choice.”

Julia toyed with the folds of her dress. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you demand a recess so you could explain what was happening? We were a couple, Gabriel. We were supposed to work together.”

He swallowed thickly. “What would have happened if I’d taken you aside and explained what I was about to do?”

“I wouldn’t have let you go through with it.”

“Exactly. I wasn’t going to allow you to lose everything because of my failures. I couldn’t live with that. I only hoped that you would forgive me—someday.”

Julia was stunned.

“You were willing to risk everything to save me, thinking that I might not forgive you?”

“Yes.”

Julia felt her eyes grow teary, and she swiped at them blindly. “I wish you could have told me.”

“So do I, but I promised Jeremy that I’d stay away. Before he entered the hallway, I tried to speak to you, but John and Soraya kept interrupting.”

“I know, but—”

He interrupted her. “If I’d told you it was only temporary, they would have realized from your expression. They would have known I had no intention of following through on my promise. I’d given my word.”

“But you planned to break it.”

“Yes. Yes, I did.” He was quiet again for a moment, looking off into the distance.

“That doesn’t make sense, Gabriel. You made all kinds of promises to them, but you broke them. You put the textbook in my box, you wrote me a message…”

“I planned to do more. I was going to email you, saying that it was only until the end of the semester. Once you’d graduated and I’d resigned, we would renew our relationship. That is, if you still wanted me.”

Gabriel’s voice dropped. “I knew you would be watched. And that the Dean would interview you to find out if I’d kept my promise. I worried about your ability to lie.”

“That’s bullshit,” said Julia fiercely. “You could have sent me an email and explained that I needed to pretend to be heartbroken. I’m not a great actress, but I can act a little.”

“There were other—factors.”

She closed her eyes. “When I fell, you looked at me as if you hated me. You looked disgusted.”

“Julia, please.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her to his chest. “That look was not meant for you. Any disgust I felt was directed at the hearing and myself. That look was not meant for you, I swear.”

Julia shed more than a few tears at that moment, the consequence of shock and anxiety and a measure of relief at having her questions answered. But some of the most important questions remained.