Gabriel's Inferno (Gabriel's Inferno #1)(187)

“Why?”

“Julianne, if one were doing a cost-benefit analysis, I would be a high-cost, high-risk, low-benefit venture.”

“Nonsense. I don’t see you that way at all.”

He gave her a half-smile. “Only because you are the soul of forgiveness and compassion. Although I must admit, my best qualities and talents have heretofore remained hidden.” Now his voice was husky, and the familiar spark of sensuality lit his blue eyes. “But I look forward to placing them entirely at your service again and again and again, ad infinitum,  until you are weary of both them and me. And entirely, blissfully sated.”

Julia swallowed. Hard.

He reached up to kiss her forehead, placing his coffee on the side table so that he could wrap her in his arms. “Thank you for staying.”

“I love you, Gabriel. You have to accept the fact that I’m not going anywhere.”

He hugged her in response, but remained silent.

“And you don’t have to win me sexually. You’ve already won me,” she whispered. “Your best quality is your heart, Gabriel, not your sexual prowess.

It’s your heart I fell in love with.”

He was silent for so long, Julia thought she had upset him. Or insulted him.

Not a wise move to insult a prospective lover’s lovemaking skills  before 

you’ve had the opportunity to sample them.  She opened her mouth to apologize, but he stopped her.

He kissed her firmly, a closed mouth kiss that quickly developed into the tugging of lips, the gentle play of tongues, and the caressing of cheeks.

When he pulled away, he crushed her to his chest and whispered in her ear. “You strip me bare. You see through everything. You are the only one who has ever known everything and still wanted me. Only you, my beloved.”

She’d known intuitively that Gabriel used his sexuality as a shield to keep true intimacy and love at bay. But with his admission, she realized how painful and lonely it must have been for him all those years, and that was after the soul-crushing time in which he was invisible to his mother and the painful adjustment of becoming an adopted child. Having recognized all of this, in addition to his sorrow over Maia, she tried very hard to fight back tears, for she didn’t want to upset him, but she couldn’t stop them.

“Sssshhh, don’t cry,” Gabriel breathed. He wiped away her tears and kissed her forehead. “I love you. Please don’t cry. Not because of me.”

She snuggled in his arms and worked at stemming the flow of tears.

He rubbed her back, gently petting her over and over. And when she was calm, she spoke.

“I love you, Gabriel. And I can’t help but think that Grace would be very proud of you.”

He frowned. “I’m not sure about that. But she would certainly be proud of you and all you’ve accomplished.”

Julia smiled. “Grace had the gift of mercy.”

“She did. Your choice of words is very interesting. A Severe Mercy  was one of Grace’s favorite books. She tried for years to get me to read it. I have a copy of it somewhere in the study. Maybe I should look for it.”

“What’s it about?”

“A young couple. The man ends up studying at Oxford, and I believe he becomes a protégé of C.S. Lewis. It’s a true story.”

“I’d love to go to Oxford, to see where the Inklings drank their beer and spun their tales. Katherine Picton talks about Oxford a lot.”

Gabriel kissed her forehead. “I’d love to take you. I can show you the statues at Magdalen College that inspired Lewis to write about the stone animals in The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. We could go in June, if you like.”

Julia smiled and kissed him back. “If you lend me Grace’s book, I’ll take it to Italy. It might be nice to have something to read during our vacation.”

He smirked at her and tapped a single finger to the end of her nose.

“What makes you think I’ll let you have time enough to read?”

She blushed and fumbled a vague response, but Gabriel continued, a grave expression on his face.

“I’m sorry we had to stop last night. It isn’t right for me to tease you like that and just…” He searched her eyes for her reaction.

She wrapped her arms around him and embraced him tenderly. “It was an incredibly emotional evening. I was happy to be close to you and to fall asleep in your arms. I just wanted to comfort you any way I could.

You don’t need to apologize.”

He cupped her face in both hands. “Julianne, your mere presence comforts me. But I was exhausted, and I’d been drinking…a recipe for disaster.” He shook his head and looked ashamed. “I didn’t want our first time together to have so much baggage, with all the ghosts of my past swirling in the air. I want us to go to a place that is ours alone and make some new memories. Some happy ones.”

“Of course. Although I must say that I was pretty happy with our interactions  last night.” She laughed lightly and kissed him.

He returned her kiss eagerly. “So you aren’t upset?”

“Gabriel, you are a gentleman worth waiting for. What kind of person would I be if I threw a tantrum because you said stop? If I were to say stop, I would hope that you would accept it and not get angry.”