Gabriel's Inferno (Gabriel's Inferno #1)(102)
“I won’t deny that I’ve indulged myself and been far from monogamous.
But I want something more, something real. And I know you want that too.
What are the chances that your next boyfriend will be a virgin? Almost nil.
Your self-esteem will be an issue with anyone you date, not just me. And any man who would leave you because you were sexually inexperienced is not worth missing. You have to have faith, Julia, and you have to have hope.
Even if you don’t have any hope for us, you have to have hope for yourself.
Otherwise, you will never let anyone love you.”
“You don’t even know me.”
“I know more about you than you think and the rest I wish to learn.
Teach me, Beatrice. I’ll enroll in your university as your student. Teach me how to care for you.”
“Please, Gabriel. Be serious!”
“I am serious. There are a lot of things that we don’t know about each other. Things I am looking forward to finding out and exploring.”
“I won’t be shared.”
He growled. “I am not in the habit of sharing what’s precious to me.
I’m not going to allow another man to put his hands on you, and that includes Paul and any other Angelf*cker out there.”
“I won’t share you, either.”
“Me?”
“Yes.”
“Well, that goes without saying.”
“No, it doesn’t.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he huffed.
“I would expect you not to sleep with anyone else, even while I’m still — deciding. As a demonstration of good faith.”
“Done.”
Julia laughed. “You say it as if it were easy! You’re willing to give up all of your female companions just like that in order to pursue the possibility of something with me? I don’t believe you.”
“I’m gaining more, much more than I am losing, believe me. And I intend to make you see that, over and over and over again.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek.
“Paulina…” she whispered.
Gabriel continued kissing her, moving down to where her neck curved into her shoulder. “Don’t worry about her.”
“I won’t share you with her.”
“You won’t have to.” He sounded impatient.
“Is Paulina your wife?”
He pulled back and fixed her with a stony look. “Of course not. What do you take me for?”
“Ex-wife?”
“Julianne, stop it. No, she is not my ex-wife. End of conversation.”
“I want to know about her.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“For reasons I’d rather not discuss. I told you I’m not sleeping with her, and I won’t. That should be enough for you.”
“What about m-a-i-a?”
His face grew harsh. “No.”
“I saw the tattoo on your chest, Gabriel. I saw the letters.”
He crossed his arms. “I can’t.”
“Then I can’t, either.” She reached down to pick up her knapsack and coat.
He stopped her. “Julianne, tell me who made you feel so insecure about yourself and your sexual abilities. Was it Simon?”
She cringed.
“Tell me.”
“Don’t say his name around me.”
“You said it. You said his name in your sleep. You sounded upset. Tell me.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because it makes me sick,” she whispered, silently pleading with him to change the subject.
An insight, dark and disturbing, slowly took hold of Gabriel’s mind.
And once it took hold, he could not rid himself of it.
“Julianne, he didn’t…force you, did he?”
She hung her head. “No, Gabriel. I’m a virgin.”
He paused for a moment, exhaling slowly. “You would be a virgin even if he had forced you. You would be a virgin to me.”
His voice was so pained and so sincere, her heart almost snapped under the weight of it.
“That’s very noble of you. But I wasn’t raped.”
He closed his eyes for a second and sighed deeply. “We both have secrets we don’t want to tell. I won’t lie to you, but I can’t tell you everything.
Not today. And based on the look in your eyes, I know you’re keeping some very painful secrets from me. But I accept that. I’m not going to pressure you to talk about them.” He put his arm around her waist and pulled her flush against him.
“So we’re going to keep secrets from each other?” She sounded puzzled.
“For now, yes.”
“There’s still the fact that I’m your student.”
He kissed her again to prevent her from saying anything further. “That’s another secret we’ll have to keep. But darling, I don’t want to have the rest of our conversation in this damned hallway. Please come back to the table and finish your breakfast. We can talk over coffee or we can just eat in silence. But please don’t leave. Please.”
Julia’s eyes darted toward the door. “I need to know how you feel about me, Gabriel,” she began uncertainly. “I need to know that this isn’t a game for you. Do you even like me at all? The real me?”