Forget About Midnight (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #9)(77)

Seeing the sanity fade from my eyes, Falon backed away. “Don’t lose your mind just yet. We have to do this right. You’ve got to take my power and use your light to twist it into a divine force. If you f*ck up, it won’t work.”

“A divine force,” I repeated with a bitter laugh. “There is nothing divine in this room. We both belong in hell.”

I slipped so easily into that dark place where only the hunger for blood and power dwelled. Falon had never seen me this far gone before, and the surprise was evident on his face.

“That’s not true,” he said, as if he thought that keeping me talking would help. “You’ve done a lot of good, Alexa. That matters. You are not the darkness that’s inside you. You do know that, right?”

It was the first and only nice thing Falon had ever said to me. Too bad it didn’t matter when all I could focus on was hurting him. I’d resisted the night he’d dropped in on Kale and me, but I didn’t have this evil building whispering in my ear, getting inside my head.

“Do you know how many people I’ve killed since I turned?” I asked, advancing on him with slow, even steps. “I don’t. I stopped counting. I’ve done nothing but hurt people, even the ones I love the most. If I am not the darkness, then I’m just a horrible person. It’s much easier to just be dark. No guilt. No tears. No sanity.”

Falon held his ground, knowing that to retreat would only encourage me. “I get it. It’s easier to give in than to stand up under the pressure. Trust me; I’ve been there. We’re not so different, are we? Creatures of light forced to become one with the dark. We walk in both worlds, and it often means walking alone.”

The truth in his words wounded me. Of all people for me to relate to, Falon should never have been one of them. That reality was so harsh, such a slap in the face, that I believed perhaps there was no hope for me now.

Alone. Yes, that was what I was now. Two beings trapped in one body and one mind, a battle that would destroy what was left of my fragile sanity. Maybe Shya was right. Maybe Willow had unknowingly condemned me to a fate worse than if the dark had claimed me in full.

Unseen shadows gathered close. I could feel them, cloaking me like a blanket of broken dreams. Everything in me that was vampire flourished under that dark touch.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked, not caring what his answer was, merely wanting to mess with him. “I might almost be a match for you now. It could get dangerous.”

Falon’s eyes narrowed. “You will never be a match for me, wolf.”

Instead of arguing, I twirled a hand in the air, stirring the energy into a small, sensually charged tornado that I released. As expected, it swirled around Falon, dancing about, taunting him to play my game.

He stiffened and put out a hand to subdue the small energy storm. “Don’t play with me, Alexa.” Despite his words, Falon’s pupils dilated as he responded to the growing force flowing from me. He didn’t fall under my spell, but it beckoned to him.

‘Find your freedom from the human pain you still carry.’ The evil in my ear spoke directly to my weakness, knowing how to get inside each person it targeted. ‘Feel nothing. Be free. He can free you. You can free yourself.’

Some part of me knew it was a lie. That same part of me was desperate to be rid of the sinking sensation of having to face myself in the mirror every night after everything I’d done. Freedom was short lived and always an illusion, but for those few precious moments, it was almost worth the pay off.

This was why Kale spent endless nights in The Wicked Kiss, screwing and bleeding victims in a desperate attempt to escape the constant, nagging guilt and remorse. No sooner had Kale crossed my mind than I relinquished whatever remaining hold I had on my control. I didn’t want to think of him. I didn’t want to feel what he made me feel. Pain. Love. Guilt. Fuck all of it.

“I don’t want to feel this way anymore,” I said, feeling detached from myself. No emotion fueled my words, just the need to be liberated from the shackles of love and sorrow.

I stopped in front of Falon. The power roiling about inside me flowed out to fill the room. It made the tips of my hair float and my fingers crackle with blue and yellow sparks.

The heady succubus energy crawled all over Falon, seeking to enslave him. He watched me with a mix of intrigue and understanding. The thought that Falon could understand me and maybe even relate bothered me in a bad way. I was nothing like him. He was vile, a horrible being willing to do awful things.

‘At least he has a good reason,’ the dark voice spoke louder in my head. ‘You’re worse than he is. A killer with no justification.’

I shook my head and grabbed two handfuls of hair as if that would make the voice stop. A small cry escaped me as the voice grew louder until it caused my head to ache.

Falon grabbed hold of my hands and pried my fingers open. “Don’t listen to it,” he said. “It’s evil. And evil always knows the right buttons to push. You can shut it out. You have to.”

I blinked up at him through a haze of agony and desperation. “Make me forget. Please, just make me forget everything.”

It was a desperate plea, spoken from a place in my heart I’d tried and failed to protect. It was accompanied by a wave of power that rose up to crash over us both. Caught up in the dizzying force, I fell headlong into the promise of escape. Falon blinked a few times, and I watched as it swallowed him whole.