Forever My Love (Berkeley-Faulkner #2)(127)

Alec’s voice. She was astounded that he had found her so quickly, so easily, and she stared at the door, unable to move. Suddenly it burst open with the sound of a tremendous blow, the flimsy bolt popping off and bouncing on the floor. She fled to the other side of the room with the swiftness of a startled rabbit, her pupils dilated until the bittersweet brown was swallowed up by black. Alec stood in the doorway, his raven hair plastered to his forehead, his clothes dripping water in a myriad of puddles. His pale gray eyes were red-rimmed, glimmering oddly in his dark face, a face so harshly set that she barely recognized it as her husband’s. He had never seemed-so large or frightening; suddenly she was afraid of him. No trace of the man she had known and loved could be found in this apparition. He was a stranger who stared at her and spoke so coldly that she flinched as if he had struck her.

“You gave your maid’s name to the innkeeper,” he said. “I would have expected something more original from you.” His gaze was icy as he looked at her, noting the way the firelight shone through her white nightgown and illuminated the slender shadow of her body. Then he looked around the room. “Tea and a feather bed… a fire… a newspaper. Very cozy, especially on a stormy night.”

“Your clothes…” she said, her voice faltering. “You’re so wet, you’ll catch—”

“Spare me the wifely concern.”

There was a wall between them that had never been there before, and it seemed so impenetrable, so unyielding that Mira took a few steps back, shaking herhead helplessly. Her movement spurred Alec into action. He strode over to the chair, picked it up, and wedged it underneath the doorknob, sealing them inside the firelit room. Standing several feet away from him, Mira bent her head.

“How did you find me?”

“It wasn’t difficult to figure out that you walked to the village and found transportation there. I knew you couldn’t have gotten very far. This is only the second inn I’ve checked. The innkeeper was very helpful, telling me about a small dark-haired woman named Mary Cobbett who had—”

“I paid him not to talk to anyone!”

“If a man can be bought once, he can be bought twice. I paid him more than you did.”

She nodded, staring at the floor. “Did you read the letter?” she asked huskily.

“Yes, I read it. Very informative, your letter. It made everything quite clear to me.”

“You understand why… after I found out about Guillaume—”

“Oh, I understand,” he said silkily, taking off his coat and flinging it in the corner with such savage force that she quivered in reaction. “I understand exactly how much you trust me… and exactly what you think of me.”

“Alec, I love you, but I couldn’t stay after—”

“Love.” He sneered. “Don’t offer that as an excuse. If what you did today was out of love, then I don’t want it. I don’t need any part of it. I’ve known about your brother for weeks, Mira… and all about what he did to Holt.”

“You couldn’t have,” she gasped, her mind reeling., with confusion. “Not during all those nights that you… all the times that we…”

“I found out during that last trip to London with~;~| Carr. I wasn’t certain if you knew what Guillaume haddone or not. But that didn’t seem to dampen my ardor for you, did it? You seem so surprised, Lady Falkner.”

“You still wanted me after you knew? I don’t understand… you have every right to despise me for what my brother did… and what my mother—”

“I have every right to horsewhip you for sneaking off like a coward, without giving me a chance to talk to you. Your faith in me is rather negligible, isn’t it? You were so goddamned certain that I would blame you, so certain that I wasn’t worthy of your trust—”

“It wasn’t like that!” Mira cried. “I was doing it for you… of course I wouldn’t expect that you would want me after reading that letter—”

“Then what the hell do you expect of me?” he demanded in a black rage. “What in God’s name were you thinking of? You let your brother blackmail you, you left me, intending to deny me the opportunity of ever seeing my son or daughter… all because you think I can’t love you unconditionally. What makes you think that your capacity for love is greater than mine? I told you once that I would never judge you. I told you that I would always take your side. I told you that I needed you, and you…” Suddenly his voice cracked, and he turned away from her with a curse, his broad shoulders rigid with tension, his black head bowed. “I was afraid I’d never find you,” he said hoarsely.

Mira made her way to him slowly, her eyes wet, her face flushed with hope, and relief that was dizzy-sweet as it coursed through her, and love that was so intense it felt like pain. Suddenly she saw how much she had hurt him, she understood that he did need her, and she understood what a terrible mistake she had made. Any woman would sell her soul to be needed so much. “Alec,” she said unsteadily, “it broke my heart to think that I would never see you again.” He kept his back to her, his fingers whitening as hishands clenched into fists. “How could you have left like that?” he muttered.

“I didn’t understand… I didn’t realize how you’d feel. I want you to be happy. I thought you’d be happier without me. It was cowardly, but I didn’t want to face up to what I’d lost… what I thought I’d lost. But from now on, everything will be different. You know all of my secrets, and there’s nothing I’m afraid of anymore.”