Forever My Love (Berkeley-Faulkner #2)(124)

“Mira,” he asked softly, “is it possible that you’re—?”

“No.”

“I know every inch of you… and there’s something different.”

“No, you’re wrong.”

“When was your last monthly flow? You should have had it by now if—”

“I missed it because of the wedding. I was tense and upset, and in a few days I’m sure I’ll… I know my own body far better than you.do, and there’s nothing different, nothing at all—”

“All right…” he soothed, his hand moving up to her arm. “Of course you do. It was only a question.”

“It’s… it would be too soon,” she said, trying to explain her sudden apprehension. A baby, on top of everything else she had to worry about… She sighed inwardly at the thought. “I need more time with you… alone… and I would be so helpless and clumsy, and you wouldn’t want me for months. Besides, I don’t know how to take care of a baby—”

“Mira… shhh, wait… I wouldn’t want you? Where did you get such a ridiculous idea? There won’t ever come a day when I’ll stop wanting you.”

“I’ll be twice this size when I carry a child—”

“You’ll be twice as beautiful in my eyes.”

“—and I’ll waddle like a duck.”

“That will make it easier for me to catch you when you make me chase you around the—““Don’t joke about it! It’s just like a man to say something like that!”

“I’m merely attempting to put your concerns to rest. Yes, I’ll still want you. I’ll always consider you the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen—waddle or no waddle. And about taking care of the baby… there will be so many people who will spend their time ogling, pampering, and monopolizing the child that, we’ll have to visit the nursery by appointment.”

“I wouldn’t know how to be a mother.”

“All women do, instinctively.”

“Whoever said that didn’t know what he was talkir about. I don’t have any of those instincts.”

“You damn well do. I’ve never seen anyone who likes to take care of other people more than you do—”

“Yes, but—”

“—and you have so much love to give, sweet, I don’t know of anyone more fit to be a mother than you.”

“It’s not that I don’t eventually want children,”! Mira said, her uneasiness fading gradually, “it’s just that I wouldn’t want a baby now.”

“I’d prefer it to be later,” he admitted, smoothing her hair and kissing her forehead, “but if it isn’t, then we’ll accept whatever lies in store for us and deal with it together. Agreed?”

“Agreed,” she said, and his arms drew around her firmly. As he held her, she closed her eyes and nearly quivered with contentment, warm in the circle of his arms, secure in his strength. “I suppose you may be right about a few things,” she murmured.

He nudged her legs apart and buried his mouth in the valley between her br**sts. “Of course I am.”

“We’d still have time alone together, even after the baby was born, wouldn’t we?”

“Of course we would.”

“I would like to have a little boy…““Or a little girl.”

“Yes… either one would be nice.”

“Very nice,” he agreed huskily, smiling at her with such heart-stopping warmth that she had to reach up and kiss him. Their mouths blended together as he responded slowly, appreciatively, kissing her with such tender skill that Mira felt the glow of fire spread over her body and down to her toes. Alec lifted his head and regarded her with gleaming silver eyes. “My love,” he whispered, “you are holding a man in your arms who hasn’t made love to you for days, and is feeling rather desperate. May we postpone the rest of our conversation, just for a little while?”

“We may,” she said, and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Alec did not mention the possibility of a baby again, but as each day passed, Mira became more aware of the subtle changes in her body and was certain that she was pregnant. She visited Rosalie at Berkeley Hall to confide the news. Rosalie was clearly delighted, revealed that she herself was in the family way and had been ever since Brighton, and she diplomatically omitted to ask how far along Mira was. Which was just as well, considering the fact that the baby had probably been conceived a good month before her marriage to Alec.

It might have been a happy time for Mira, filled with anticipation, filled with new beginnings, but much of what might have been was obscured by the shadow that Guillaume had cast. It was becoming difficult for Mira to bear up under the strain of wondering about him and when he would appear again. Now there was even more for her to lose, even more that he could take away from her. Some days she could hardly swallow a bite of food, or concentrate on a book or a conversation, or relax enough to sleep. Sometimes she caught Alec staring at her with an unfathomable ex-pression, as if he suspected something but could no! bring himself to ask her about it.

The only time that she did not think about Guil-laume or allow herself to worry about him was when Alec made love to her… only then was she able to escape. She knew Alec sensed that something was troubling her, but for some reason he did not pressure her to talk about it. Every night he seemed bent on wringing delight out of every nerve in her body… he tormented, teased, loved her until she was senseless with the most spectacular pleasure she had ever known. The days that she worried the most were when Alec was gone, either to attend to family business or to oversee the management of the estate. As she had expected and dreaded, on one of these mornings of Alec’s absence, she received another note from Guil-laume. Though her heart was filled with dread, she slipped out unnoticed to meet him at the edge of the garden. She had no alternative, nothing to bargain with.