Forbidden Falls (Virgin River #9)(80)

“A very, very new thing. Last night I was upset about the phone call and went to him. He walked me home.” She looked away. “He stayed.”

“Oh. Well, that’s interesting.” One corner of Brie’s lips turned up with the temptation to smile.

“It’s been heading there, I let Noah kiss me.”

A slow smile grew on Brie’s face. “Is that it?”

“It was a very good kiss. A couple of them, in fact. Believe me, after all I’ve been through with men, I sure wasn’t about to get involved with another one, but I admit it—I wasn’t exactly put off. And then…Well, I just couldn’t help it. He’s so wonderful.”

Brie laughed. “Ellie, adult relationships are not against the law. They’re not considered indecent. You’ve been divorced for almost a year and unless you’re rolling around in bed under the same roof with your children, where they could see things they’re too young to see, you’re within your rights to date. You’re single, you’re young and healthy, and it’s not a factor in custody agreements. And if you had to pick someone, gee, a lily-white pastor isn’t a bad choice. Just the same, take no chances with that—don’t find yourself in a romantic situation with anyone while the children are present. We don’t want any unnecessary trouble.”

“Lawyers have said the judge should never have taken them away from me because of my dancing, since it was legal. I wasn’t abusive, neglectful or doing icky things in front of them. The judge should have at least warned me, had me investigated to see if I was a bad mother, not made his decision like that, so fast.”

“But that ship has sailed,” Brie said. “We could appeal his decision, and before it got to the court of appeals, not only would the period of your ex-husband’s temporary custody be long past, your kids would be in junior high. No, the way to go is to do everything his way, and promptly. It often means kissing some unworthy butt, licking dirty shoes, but the goal is reversing the custody order based on this new information. Or, failing that, getting them out of his house.”

“Even though the judge is wrong?” Ellie asked.

“He’s wrong, but he’s safe. You’re not. He could retire before you get an appeal. Trust me, Ellie—we just want this to go away. If the motion is denied, the best thing to do is serve the time, circle the wagons, load court up with solid citizens who can vouch for you and get this over with. Believe me, I know this judge. He goes his own way. We just say, ‘Yes, sir, very happy to please you, sir.’”

“But you think it looks promising?”

“The worst-case scenario is ninety days. You’re about two-thirds done with it. It could take a couple of weeks to get a hearing. So, we’re not asking for much—we’re only asking to shorten this temporary-custody ruling by a little bit. Hope for the best. From my point of view, you’re making a very reasonable request. You’ve carried out the judge’s wishes to the letter. Nothing says proper job like a pastor’s assistant.”

“Or pastor’s lover?” she asked, looking down.

“Well, I’m not going to bring that up. It’s not relevant. Okay? Now, is there anything else you should tell me?”

Ellie shrugged and said, “No matter what names he calls them, the one that hurts the most is bastards. I don’t want them called that. That’s my fault, not theirs.”

“Ellie, you have to be stronger than name-calling. You gave them life. You can rise above a dirty word.”

“I know,” she said. “I manage to rise above a lot of things. That one’s extra hard. I’m so happy I have them. So sorry there’s anything missing from their lives.”

From Brie’s office, Ellie headed over to Vanni’s to play Mommy’s helper. Her new friend looked much better than she had when Ellie began this special assistance. Vanni appeared rested and the house was holding up. In what seemed no time at all, it was a whole new scene. Rather than Mommy’s helper, she was Mommy’s friend. They worked together to tidy the house, caught up on the laundry and got an early start on dinner.

While they each sat at a separate end of the sofa with a load of clean baby clothes to fold between them, they talked. “I haven’t held Hannah enough since she first arrived here. I avoided holding her and, when I did, I don’t think my heart was in it. Do you think that’s going to be a lasting harm to her?”

“I don’t really know much about that sort of thing, but my gramma used to always say, ‘Children will tell you what they need if you just pay attention.’ Hannah isn’t even cranky. The only time she cries, she’s tired or dirty or hungry or…reaching for you. If you’re a little better about things now, you can cuddle more, catch her up. I mean, think about it, Vanni—sometimes mommies are too tired, don’t feel good, even get sick and go to the hospital. Sometimes they have to work more than one job.”

“I’m afraid she’ll never forget, on some subconscious level, that I was cold to her. I’m still not sure I’m committed…”

“I know what you mean. I always worried about that, too.”

“About what? Being cold toward your kids?” Vanni asked.

“I wasn’t cold, but I was never able to give them enough. I was wrung out. I mean, I had my gramma to watch the kids and I knew she was giving them tons of love. But they need their mother, right? And I worked day and night. By the time I could be with my kids, I was worn out and I just didn’t have anything left. I’ve always wondered if they suffered because of that. But if you knew them…” She smiled wistfully. “They’re so amazing. I probably owe it all to my gramma.”