Following Me(54)

She felt his heavy sigh and the shift of his body toward her. She breathed him in. Her mind was still wondering too many things. She couldn’t believe she had told her story. It had been a secret for so long. She hadn’t wanted to risk someone finding out. What would people think of her…of him? What would they do?

Her mind closed off to that thought.

“Devon,” he said finally.

He pulled her toward him and circled his big, strong arms around her. She tensed, unsure where this was coming from. Was he pitying her? She didn’t need his pity.

“I hope you see your strength the way I do.”

Strength? I ran away. I wanted to yell that at him. I’m not strong. I’m weak. I couldn’t face my fears, so I ran.

She didn’t know what to say, and he didn’t let her go, so she relaxed into his embrace, accepting it for what it was. They were both in a rough spot, separated from their lives. Devon had run, and Garrett had faced his problems head-on. Either way, it had ended with them sitting in the same room. So maybe facing her problems head-on would have turned out the same way. Or maybe she wouldn’t have ended up unconscious. Instead, she would have ended up dead.

That thought made her break the embrace. She stared forward at Garrett. She felt the tears on her cheeks, hot and uncomfortable. She hated crying, especially in front of people.

Garrett reached up and pushed her hair off her face. She sniffed as the tears fell faster from his affection. She didn’t need someone to care for her. She could take care of herself. That thought made her cry harder.

“Don’t cry,” he whispered.

His thumbs brushed under her eyes like he had done when she had woken up from her nightmare on the couch. She couldn’t stop her tears, and his help only made it worse.

She didn’t know how she had any tears left. Hadn’t she cried enough? Or were these tears of a different nature? Her throat constricted, and she coughed. She had never once thought that running away was the right thing to do. It was impulsive. It was something Hadley would do. Devon was always the rational one who wanted to work things out. She had stayed with him well past the point she should have. And for what? To be frightened and accused of things she hadn’t done? To be hit, burned, and left unconscious?

The whole time she had been in Chicago, she had felt like a coward. She felt like running away from her life was the cheap way out, and the only reason she hadn’t returned was out of fear. Now looking at it from a flip side, she understood that running wasn’t the right option. It was the only option.

“How did you go through all of that alone?”

Devon shook her head. She really didn’t know. She never felt all alone until she left. “I don’t know.” She hiccupped through tears.

“You shouldn’t be alone,” he said, stroking her hair. “Is this what your dreams were about?”

Devon closed her eyes. She couldn’t face those dreams. He had been haunting them for months. She couldn’t escape him even when she had run away.

“Devon, you have to face him eventually,” he said.

She thought he meant to sound reassuring, but she wasn’t reassured.

“Yeah,” she said shakily. “I know…eventually.”

“You can’t hide out in Chicago forever. Doesn’t school start again in August?”

“Yeah, it does.”

Garrett squeezed her shoulder and pulled her in closer. “Don’t you think it would be better to get it over with than to wait another month or two?”

“Did you not hear what happened?” she whispered frantically.

“I heard, Dev. I’m just saying that you are so afraid of this, and sometimes, you need to face your fears.”

Devon shook her head. “It’s not about facing my fears. Well, it kind of is. Okay, it is, but you don’t understand. You don’t know what he’s like,” she said, her hands shaking violently.

Garrett took her hands in his and held them to keep them from trembling.

“If you knew…if you only knew…”

“Then, tell me. Who is this guy? Who can have this much control over you?”

Devon stared down at their hands intertwined in her lap. She had told her story and left out the most important detail. It was the one detail she was sure people would find hard to believe.

Who would really believe that the perfect couple would ever be entirely dysfunctional?

“Hard to believe,” she began, preparing for his reaction. “My boyfriend, Reid.”

“Wait,” he said, confused. “Aren’t you guys still dating?”

“Uh…technically,” she whispered. “I did just leave.”

“No, leaving means that you guys are done.”

Huh. She had never thought about it that way. When she had left, she hadn’t really thought of anything. But it made sense to her. Leaving him, even if she hadn’t told him what was going on, had made her see that it was over. Still, she hadn’t told him though.

“I didn’t tell him,” she finally admitted.

“But isn’t he looking for you?”

Devon shook her head, ashamed. “My parents talked about going on this trip to Paris for months. I told him about it, but we never thought it would actually happen. My parents are just spontaneous enough that when I told him they decided to go last minute, he believed me,” she said, looking up at Garrett. “Otherwise, he wouldn’t have let me leave, or he would’ve freaked out and tried to find me. I didn’t want to be found.”