Finding Perfect (Fool's Gold #3)(31)

It took Pia a second to realize the problem. “I’m not trying to get pregnant,” she said with a shake of her head. “Okay, I am trying to get pregnant, but it’s not what you think.”

Dr. Galloway leaned back in her chair. “What shouldn’t I think?”

“Crystal Westland left me her embryos.”

The older woman’s expression softened. “Did she? I wondered what Crystal would do. Poor child, to have suffered so much. It’s a loss for all of us.” She drew in a breath. “So you want to have Crystal’s babies, do you?”

Want was kind of a strong word, Pia thought. She’d accepted the shift in her life path and was dealing. Maybe want would come later.

“I’m going to have them,” Pia said firmly, holding in the need to wince at the words. “What’s the next step?”

Dr. Galloway considered her for a moment. “We do an examination to make sure you’re healthy. Draw a little blood, that sort of thing.”

She got up and walked around to the other side of her desk. After sitting, she pulled out a pad of paper and started making notes. “How many embryos are there?”

“Three.”

“You’ll have them all implanted at once?”

“I don’t know. Should I?”

“It’s probably for the best.” The doctor raised her head. “The process is very simple. The embryos thaw naturally until they come to room temperature. They’re put through several solutions to wash away any lingering cryoprotectant that was used during the freezing. Then they’re warmed to body temperature and implanted. I can do that. It’s a simple procedure, relatively painless.”

She pulled several brochures out of a drawer. “Then you lie on the examination table for a few minutes, giving the embryos time to settle. Two weeks later, we test you to see if you’re pregnant.”

That didn’t sound so bad, Pia thought. “Will I have to take any drugs? The guy at the lab talked about preparing my body.”

“It depends. We’ll monitor your cycle with a series of ultrasounds. When you’re ready, in they go.” Dr. Galloway leaned toward her. “It is possible not all the embryos will have survived the freezing process.”

Pia hadn’t realized that. “We’ll know when they’re thawed?”

“Yes, they’re checked before they’re implanted.”

The doctor passed her several brochures. “You can read these over. They give more details about what will happen. Implantation is safe and quick. There’s no reason to think this will be anything but a normal pregnancy.”

Pia opened her mouth, then closed it. She glanced down at her hands, then back at the doctor. “What if I did something bad?”

Dr. Galloway shook her head. “There is nothing immoral in having Crystal’s children, Pia. It is an act of love.”

“I don’t mean that. I mean…” She swallowed. “When I was in college, I had a boyfriend. I got pregnant.”

“You had an abortion.” Dr. Galloway sighed. “It happens all the time and has no impact on—”

“No,” she said quickly. “I didn’t. I was so scared, I couldn’t believe it was really happening. There was no way the guy I was seeing would marry me, assuming I’d wanted that, which I didn’t. I kept wishing the baby would go away. One morning I woke up and I was bleeding. I got my period.”

She felt the wave of guilt, the shame that washed through her. “I wished my unborn child would die and it did.”

The doctor rose and pulled Pia to her feet, then held her hands tightly.

“No,” she said in a firm voice. “You don’t have that much power, Pia. None of us do. A significant percentage of pregnancies end spontaneously. It is impossible to predict exactly when it will happen or even know why. Something went wrong inside the embryo. That is why you lost the baby. Not because you wished it so.”

Tears filled Pia’s eyes. “I prayed so hard.”

“God didn’t answer your prayer, child. Have you felt bad all this time?”

She nodded, then swallowed. “I don’t deserve to have Crystal’s babies. I’m a bad person.”

“A bad person wouldn’t care. You are young and healthy and you will be an amazing mother. Come on. We’ll do the exam. We’ll rule out any specific physical problems. Then you can decide. As for the child you lost, it’s time to let him or her go.”

Pia knew in her head that the other woman was right, but in her heart and her gut, the guilt lived on.

AN HOUR LATER, PIA DRESSED. She’d been poked, prodded and gone through her first ultrasound.

“Everything is fine,” Dr. Galloway told her when Pia returned to her office. “You are ready. Based on when you last had your period, you’re within five or six days of peak thickness in your uterine lining. So within the week if you want to go ahead this month.”

“That fast,” Pia said, hanging on to the back of the chair.

“You can wait for as long as you want.”

Medically, yes, but if she waited, she might chicken out.

“How is your insurance?” Dr. Galloway asked. “You might want to check out how much it will cover.”

“I’m with the city plan.” The pregnancy itself would be covered. “Crystal left money to cover the implantation.” There was also some money in trust for each of the children and a small annuity to help Pia with monthly expenses.