Fever (Breathless #2)(29)

More shame crawled over her shoulders until they slumped downward and her lips drooped in dejection.

“Baby,” Jace said in an aching voice. “Everything. You tell me everything, we’ll never talk about it again unless you want to. But you need to get that shit out. It’s like poison. And until you realize that it doesn’t change a goddamn thing for me, it’ll eat at you. You’ll always worry. So we get it out, put it to rest and then we move forward. Okay?”

She nodded, a roar in her ears. She couldn’t possibly believe what he was saying. He didn’t know everything. He was trying to be noble, but he wouldn’t feel that way when she finished.

“When I was trying to get off the meds, I went through a really bad time when I tried a lot of bad things to cope with withdrawal and the psychological dependence on the drugs. I used sex as a balm, only it never worked. It only made me feel worse about myself. I had several partners during that time,” she said painfully. “Threesomes. One on one. It didn’t really matter to me. I was just looking for something to ease the pain. Just needed a way to escape for a little while. I wanted to be . . . wanted. Loved.”

Jace hugged her even tighter to him, holding her against his chest so she couldn’t even move.

“I wasn’t so stupid that I didn’t use condoms. The guys were probably worried they’d catch something from me. I had a reputation, Jace,” she whispered. “It wasn’t a good one.”

She nearly choked on the words. Hated admitting that. Hated putting it out there that way. But she wasn’t going to lie. Jace deserved to know everything. He was a good guy. Too good to be true. He didn’t deserve to be saddled with someone like her.

“What the f**k is going on in your head right now?” Jace demanded, his voice cutting through her morose thoughts.

“You deserve better.”

Jace swore viciously. “You’re honest. Blunt. Normally I’d like that. Hell, I’d love it. I appreciate honesty and someone who speaks the truth without regard to consequences. But goddamn it, Bethany. I deserve better? What the ever-loving f**k is that about? What about what you deserve? Have you ever given thought to that?”

She didn’t have an answer to that question.

Jace shook his head and squeezed her harder. “I don’t care how long it takes, baby. You’re going to see you like I see you. You’re going to get it through your head that you deserve better. And I’m going to make damn sure you get it.”

She swallowed and breathed back the tears. How could he see her as anything? He didn’t know her.

“What else?” Jace asked. “Give it all to me. Get me to where you are right now.”

“There’s not much else to tell,” she mumbled. “After the drug possession charge and the string of meaningless sex partners, things just disintegrated. It was my fault. I could have done better. I could have been more responsible. But I wasn’t and I paid the price. No one would hire me and I didn’t have the money to go to school and make a better life by getting an education. The accident took so many months out of my life. And I was tired and beaten down. I couldn’t even think beyond the next day, much less look ahead a few years to see what life could be like down the road.”

“Jesus,” Jace muttered. “How old are you now?”

Her brows scrunched together. “Your investigation didn’t tell you that?”

“I said I knew a lot. I didn’t say I knew everything,” he said dryly. “I hit the important points. Your age doesn’t mean jack shit to me, unless you tell me you’re still a minor.”

The attempt at a joke heartened her, injecting just a tiny bit of lightness into her chest.

“I’m twenty-three,” she said, wincing even as she said it. Way too old not to have her shit together. Way too old to be homeless, uneducated and jobless.

“Still a babe,” he murmured.

She glanced sharply at him. “How old are you?”

“Thirty-eight.”

Her eyes widened. There was fifteen years’ difference between them. Fifteen!

“And Ash?” she choked out.

“Same.” Suddenly his voice was clipped and he didn’t look happy that she’d mentioned Ash.

“Wow,” she mumbled. “I would have never guessed you were thirty-eight. You’re fifteen years older than I am.”

“So?”

She blinked at the blunt assessment. She glanced up to see challenge in his eyes.

“Does it bother you?” he asked, though his tone suggested he didn’t really care if it bothered her. He looked determined and resolute.

“Doesn’t it bother you?” she asked hesitantly. “Surely there are more sophisticated women you could have. Educated. Older. Better.”

His jaw bulged as he clenched it. “Now you’re just pissing me off.”

She sighed unhappily.

“You didn’t answer my question. Does it bother you?” he persisted.

What could she say? If she were truthful it would only seal her fate even tighter. If she said it did bother her, he might not even care. Or it would make her look like a superficial bitch.

“Bethany?”

“No,” she blurted. “It doesn’t bother me. The age difference, I mean. But it doesn’t mean that we can do this or that you should have anything to do with me. I’m so wrong for you, Jace. You have to see that. We live in completely different worlds. So different that I can’t even fathom the differences. I’ll never come close to your life.”