Existence (Existence Trilogy #1)(38)

“Have you seen Dank this morning?” I asked, looking at Miranda and praying she didn’t read any more into my question.

Her forehead wrinkled in a frown. “Dank as in Dank Walker, the lead singer of Cold Soul?” I nodded and scanned the lockers. “Yes, Dank,” I repeated. The confused frown on Miranda’s face triggered an alarm bell in my head.

“Um, are you taking those pain meds again, sweetie? Why would the lead singer of Cold Soul be here?” Something was very wrong. Panic swelled in my chest.

“Good morning,” Leif said as he walked up to me and slipped his arm around my shoulders.

Miranda glanced up at him with a worried smile.

“Morning, Leif. It’s so sweet that you go get all her books the minute you two arrive. Would you think of giving Wyatt some pointers?”

“No way.” Leif chuckled and squeezed my shoulders gently. Normally having him close helped me when I was on the verge of panic. However, right now I needed to know where Dank was and why Miranda didn’t seem to know what I was talking about.

I glanced up at Leif. “Have you seen Dank?” The same confused frown came over his face.

“Who?” he asked, equally confused.

“She asked me the same thing. I’m thinking she might have had to take some pain meds again this morning. Are you still hurting? Does your mom know? ‘Cause, girl, you are a trippin’ on something if you think that Dank Walker is at our school.” Miranda and Leif were both looking at me as if I was a need for concern. I glanced over at Kendra, who was draped around Justin.

“Is Kendra dating Justin now?” I asked in a tone I hoped was conversational and didn’t betray the panic raging inside me.

Leif’s frown deepened. “They’ve been dating for months now. Are you okay, Pagan?”

I forced a smile and nodded. “Oh, um, I forgot. No, I’m fine. I just need to make a stop into the restroom before I go to first period.” I stood on my tippy toes, kissed Leif quickly on the lips, and headed off the other way. I needed to escape their scrutiny so I could think. Dank was gone and no one remembered him.

The restroom was blessedly empty. I dropped my books down on the damp counter and leaned against the wall for support. My heart contracted so painfully in my chest I feared it might just stop working. Someone came inside and I turned to walk into a stall. I needed privacy for my mental breakdown. But after only two steps it dawned on me the door to the restroom had never opened. I froze, took a deep breath, and then peered back at the other occupant. A dark-haired teenage girl had drifted through the wall. I turned and took a step toward her and she noticed me. She seemed surprised I could see her and a smile broke out on her face.

“Who are you?” I asked, but she only watched me. “Can you talk to me?” I was no longer worried about ignoring them. Maybe they held the answers. She shook her head and her smile turned sad. She drifted closer to me and reached out and touched my hair. Nothing. No shiver or chill. It was as if she wasn’t there. This was what I’d always known of souls. “Why can’t you speak?” I asked and she moved until she was standing in front of me. She shook her head at me as if correcting me from asking that question. “You aren’t allowed to talk to me or you can’t?” I wasn’t scared of her. I knew she had no power to hurt me. Her frown grew agitated and she shook her head again and backed away from me slowly.

I took a step closer to her. “Please, I need some answers and I think you could help me.” Her frown turned fearful and she continued shaking her head and backing away from me as if I were something to be frightened of. “Please,” I begged and at my last plea she turned and vanished into the wall.

I stared at the wall until the restroom door opened and a freshman girl walked in. She stopped and studied me. I must have looked like an idiot standing there staring at an empty wall. I smiled at her reassuringly. Maybe this incident wouldn’t make it all over school. Not that I cared if people talked about me. I just didn’t need Miranda and Leif worrying over me anymore. Besides, I needed answers and I was so tired of waiting around for Dank to tell me. The young soul hadn’t been able to help me for reasons I couldn’t understand. However, I had a feeling that if I kept searching I would soon find one who was ready to talk or could talk.

The hallways were already empty which meant I was late for English Literature. The ache returned as I thought about facing class without Dank. Even when he’d been ignoring me I was able to hear him talk and feel the heat from his gaze.

Now, I wasn’t even going to have that small bit of comfort.

What hurt even worse was how no one seemed to remember him. It was as if he had never existed. I stopped right outside the door. Going inside seemed unbearable. I wrapped my hands around my stomach to hold in the pain tearing me apart and leaned up against the wall. I stared down the empty hallway, wishing another soul would wander through.

Instead, the empty silence remained. For the first time in my life I wanted to be bothered by the presence of souls and there wasn’t one around. If I could just go somewhere that was infested with wandering souls then I could ask them all.

I could ask and ask until I found one could and would speak to me. Something about the young soul in the bathroom told me she could have spoken had she wanted. She was scared.

Scared of what? What did souls have to fear? They were dead after all, or at least their bodies were.